snapcracklepop
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PRESS CONFERENCE: Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, TN
Danny White (UT Athletic Director), channeling Trump:
“Thank you, thank you, everybody. Tremendous crowd today — biggest we've ever had, they’re saying. A lot of people are talking about it. Look, we’ve got a quarterback — Nico — great guy, tremendous talent, okay? But now he wants more NIL money. More! Can you believe it? We already gave him more than any quarterback in the history of Tennessee — maybe the history of the SEC— some say the world.”
“But now he wants even more. And we said, look — we’re not just handing out checks like the Biden administration. This is Tennessee Football. We believe in fair deals. America First — and Vols First too.”
“So here’s what we’re gonna do: If Nico wants more NIL, we’re going to have to put a tariff — a big tariff — on every audible he calls. We’ll call it the ‘Luxury Audible Tax.’ Tremendous idea. I came up with it myself.”
“We’re also building a wall — a beautiful wall — between the locker room and the NIL office. And let me tell you — we’re gonna make Nico pay for it. Absolutely.”
“And if he holds out? That’s okay. We’ve got backups. Beautiful backups. 6’4”, big arms, love Tennessee, never complain. And let me tell you — they’re hungry. Not spoiled. Just good, hardworking quarterbacks. That’s what we want. Winners.”
“So, to Nico, I say this: We love you, but this is business. If you want to be a Vol for Life, you’ve gotta stop acting like a quarterback for hire. God bless you, God bless Tennessee, and God bless these beautiful Rocky Top Saturdays. Thank you.”
Danny White (UT Athletic Director), channeling Trump:
“Thank you, thank you, everybody. Tremendous crowd today — biggest we've ever had, they’re saying. A lot of people are talking about it. Look, we’ve got a quarterback — Nico — great guy, tremendous talent, okay? But now he wants more NIL money. More! Can you believe it? We already gave him more than any quarterback in the history of Tennessee — maybe the history of the SEC— some say the world.”
“But now he wants even more. And we said, look — we’re not just handing out checks like the Biden administration. This is Tennessee Football. We believe in fair deals. America First — and Vols First too.”
“So here’s what we’re gonna do: If Nico wants more NIL, we’re going to have to put a tariff — a big tariff — on every audible he calls. We’ll call it the ‘Luxury Audible Tax.’ Tremendous idea. I came up with it myself.”
“We’re also building a wall — a beautiful wall — between the locker room and the NIL office. And let me tell you — we’re gonna make Nico pay for it. Absolutely.”
“And if he holds out? That’s okay. We’ve got backups. Beautiful backups. 6’4”, big arms, love Tennessee, never complain. And let me tell you — they’re hungry. Not spoiled. Just good, hardworking quarterbacks. That’s what we want. Winners.”
“So, to Nico, I say this: We love you, but this is business. If you want to be a Vol for Life, you’ve gotta stop acting like a quarterback for hire. God bless you, God bless Tennessee, and God bless these beautiful Rocky Top Saturdays. Thank you.”
. Take a bow, victory lap, have a cigar... 
