2013 Epic Post of The Year Voting

2013 Epic Post of The year

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#1
Rasputin_Vol

Rasputin_Vol

"Slava Ukraina"
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Aug 14, 2007
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#1
Ron Mexico wanted a poll. He's got it.



A. Satan???

Webbvol32 said:
Ok. My uncle,friend,and I were sitting down an old cemetery road up in Jimtown. We were talking,and my pal says,"let`s go worship a little Satan." As was his wont. Well,my uncle said when you say that word,He is there! Never say it! Well,my pal being a 18yo said,"Satan!" Instantly the antenna of the car caught fire and started whipping back and forth violently. I was drivin with all the windows rolled up. I accelerated to 45mph on a dirt road in a Ford Tempo. The antenna continued it`s violent thrashing,flaming display for a full minute. Then it stopped and there was no sign of any damage. We,being the young scientists we THOUGHT we were,put it through the wringer and found no physical explanation. We call it "the Satan Antenna Incident." I WAS smoking pot,but this was NOT a hallucination. The pot wasn`t that good. GO VOLS!!!
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B. "The Promise", by TRUT

therealUT said:
Drunk. Tired. Looking forward to the revolution. Plenty of you regard me as an *******. I am. Plenty of you regarding me as

I don't care. American ideals are the ideals of the right to life, liberty, the uninterrupted and uninfringed pursuit of happiness. There are not many ideals worth risking one's life for; but these ideals fit the bill. Unfortunately, these ideals have not been upheld by the American government for the entire extent of my lifetime; in fact, I am not sure that the American government has ever actually upheld such ideals. It saddens me to think that we are moving even further away from the government ever embracing and upholding such ideals. And, yet, the promise remains.

There are times when I just want to forget about the promise, say, "**** you, America", forget and move on. But I can't. The promise is so enticing, so powerful, so very real. I cannot forget and content myself to a life of submissive subservience to some entity that no longer respects me as an individual with worth and dignity and rights. If I could forget, I could accept and move on. But I cannot forget that promise.

You promised me, America; and, I promised you. I fought for you; I fought with my brothers; and, you turned your back on us. You've offered me security in exchange for my rights, my dignity, my worth; but I can secure myself, America. I want my rights, my dignity, and my worth; and, America, you promised to secure them. You are stronger than me, America. You have weapons and numbers and incredible armaments. But, you do not have my will, America, and you have shown that by breaking your promise.

I can resist you, America. I can fight and I can survive. I'm smart and I'm clever and I'm quick. You have become dull, America, and your weight slows you down. You ask for my weapons and you promise that I will be okay, America. But, you have broken your promises before, the promises that I hold most dear. I will not trust you, America. And, when you come for me, I will fight; because, America, I have subsumed your ideal, and while you have abandoned it, I will uphold it. While you try to destroy me, America, I will restore you. And, we will be free.
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C. Open Letter to Worley

volnal said:
First off,, you did nothing except take your team to victory last Sat. You threw no inceptions, you had everyone in position before each and every snap, you conducted the offense like a field general, and you didn't have a single penalty against you. You managed the game and the plays in a manner that let's me as well as others know you can do what is asked of you.

Please do not for one second listen to those talking about another QB to take your spot. The coaching staff said you were the man, so be the one and take us to the promise land doing what you did last week. A strong presence in the pocket, a smart take on the game, and a cool demeanor that doesn't get your team in trouble.

I have been a fan since you signed with UT, and was the lone fan you waved to at the Peyton Manning Passing Academy, while my youngest son was attending there. You are a class act and I can think of no one I want leading my vols son except you! Do us proud!!!!!! I know you want to succeed and I'm with you 100 %

Play your game and I have faith in you and that the coaches know your the one to lead us. Justin, my family is behind you in everything you do son. Make yourself proud and the rest will follow. Go Big Orange!!!!
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D. Taxes

Orange Daddy said:
Buddy of mine a CPA always done my taxes for the last gosh 20 years. We went to school together were buds
drank smoked dope chase the girls we pals.
He was President of the BANK here in town.
He still did my taxes....
Well Buddy died yep cancer got him....
Hmm who gonna do my taxes now? I always gave Buddy $50 bucks he didn't want that but I did
Me and the wife she is a teacher I got reg job had the last 30 years and I got a side job brings in about 25K a year.. Well what the heck I go to HR Block..

I got all my stuff go in sit down with this lady we talk
here we go..I always pay the IRS about 3k a year for my side job Turns out this gal was pretty good.
I used stuff we never did I pay my help cash but never used it she tells me yes you can use up to 4k long as they report. They don't report I use get some homeless
guys live at the center start summer with them..

Ok were done I got to pay another grand fine.
Girl tells me I owe $495.... DAMM never knew they were that high, she told me its by papers filled out.
with wifes school retire money, kids student loan
some other investment papers guess it adds up.
I sure liked paying Bud $50 and drinking wine while we did it...... Now I know...
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#5
#5
The results to the open letter to Worley were funny. For one thing, the OP got blasted for pages and pages, which resulted in Freak posting in the thread saying "these open letters never go as planned". Then I remember a couple of days later there was a "caption this photo" thread of Butch laughing, and Freak captioned it with "Did you see that open letter to Worley? Those things never go as planned"

Made me lulz.
 
#9
#9
I liked the thread where the guy saw his girlfriend working on adult website. Pretty sure that one is gone
 
#16
#16
The Promise was probably the most coherent drunk rant of all time.
 
#19
#19
Would like to have seen a volfan414life submission, but they were all epic in their epicness. Well done.
 
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#22
#22
I am highly disappointed that I don't have any post in this thread. I must work harder this year
 
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