5 Signs the Vols Are Making Me Prematurely Old

[LetMeStay]

“The white line’s getting longer, and the saddle’s getting cold,
and I’m much too young to feel this damn old”
-Garth Brooks (before he started to really suck)

I don’t want to spend too much time rehashing the debacle that was last season, but it is undeniable that the 2005 Vol football season left me worse for wear. The ravages of last season combined with the uncertainty of the coming season have led me to identify at least 5 factors associated with Tennessee football that are causing me to show signs of early aging. So today I begin to share with you some of my ailments and he culprits behind them, along with what I think it will take to cure me.

#5: The Symptom: Hair loss

The Cause: Losing to Vanderbilt
I’ll admit it, I was way too cocky when it came to Vandy. My list of “Stuff That Will Happen Before Vanderbilt Beats Tennessee” included the Cubs winning the World Series and Hillary winning the Republican Presidential nomination. And why wouldn’t a Vol fan be cocky going into last year‘s match up? UT gets more people to show up for the Vol Walk than Vandy gets for a home game. Tennessee has separate athletic departments for men’s and women’s sports, Vandy doesn’t even have separate departments for intramural and varsity sports. None of the players for either team were born the last time VU beat UT. Naturally, cokiness came with the territory, at least until November 19, 2005.
Remember the “Behind every ‘Dore is a Tennessee score” t-shirts? Well last November, behind every ’Dore there wasn’t even a Tennesee first down. The Vols’ inability to move the chains late in the 4th quarter provided a permanent answer to the question “Were the ‘05 Vols really that bad?”

The Cure: Return to normalcy
The little bit of hair I hadn’t pulled out earlier in the season was in grave danger during that 4th quarter. Another loss to Vandy and I’ll look like Tony Kornheiser, fat, orange, and bald. To save the few sprouts left on my gourd, I need to see the Vols handle VU like they did for the last 20-whatever years and get out of the bottom half of the division.

Next time: Headache, chest pain, and Steve Spurrier.

#4: The Symptom: Persistent Headache

The Cause: Steve Spurrier
As if the Evil Genius didn’t ruin enough of the 90’s for me, the SOB had to come back to torment me now. And he stepped into Neyland Stadium last October as if it were 1995 all over again. That night something didn’t feel right. Peyton Manning (God bless him) was in attendance to have his number retired. Spurrier was leading the least talented team he ever brought to Knoxville onto the field. And there was an air in the stadium that having Peyton and El Visor on the same turf again wasn’t a good thing. Realistically, #16 being retired had nothing to do with the fact that UT played horribly that night, but it still felt all too familiar.

The Cure: The turn of the century all over again
For all of Spurrier’s early success against Fulmer, the two split the previous 4 meetings before last year. Phil bested Steve in ‘98 and’01with Visor Boy winning the two in between, and even one of those was the Jabar Gaffney “no catch,” so CPF seemed to have turned the corner against his nemesis before last year. If Stevie makes Phil look silly again this year (which is entirely possible). my head might explode. However, a win in Columbia would be a pretty strong painkiller.

#3: The Symptom: Chest Pain

The Cause: Playing a SEC schedule
Every fan thinks his conference is the toughest. Honestly, the talent level of players in all of the BCS conferences is pretty even (except, of course, in the Big East, which shouldn’t even be a BCS conference anymore). The thing that makes the SEC different is that in the South, it just matters more. The fans think of football as religion, and the players get that. It’s why no SEC team is safe playing any conference game, except against Kentucky, maybe. So it’s no wonder that I still feel tightness in the chest over a conference schedule that starts with Florida, Georgia, Alabama, and a trip to Columbia to face the aforementioned Spurrier and the ‘Cocks. And that’s just through October.

The Cure: A strong start
Getting through October at .500 in the SEC will be tough enough, but it might not make my angina go away. A 3-1 start is asking a lot, but it could be just what the doctor ordered. 4-0 would cause a heart attack of a different sort.

Next time: Confusion!

 

[volmanjr]

4-0 would cause a heart attack of a different sort.

That's some chest pain I could get into.

 

[LetMeStay]

#2: The Symptom: Upset Stomach

The Cause: Phil Fulmer
Ok, it was too easy too easy to make the connection between “stomach” and “Fulmer,” but the big man’s performance last season was enough to make any Vol fan a little queasy. UT fans have extremely high expectations year in and year out. Winning a national championship might be a little too lofty goal in most seasons, but wining a SEC championship is not. Should the Big Orange fail again this year, Fulmer will probably be on a very hot seat; and if they fail spectacularly like they did last season, Phil might be gone altogether. That scenario begs the question: if not Fulmer, then who?
Being the head coach at Tennessee is not an easy job. At Florida, FSU, Miami, USC, Texas, and a handful of other schools there is enough in-state talent to roll out of bed and pick up a top10 recruiting class. Not the case in the Volunteer State. Any coach who takes the reins in Knoxville has to be willing to hump it as a recruiter. CPF has gladly taken on that responsibility and done quite well at it. It is not a given that another top coach would work as hard as Fulmer on the recruiting trail. Another thing: when it comes to the coaching fraternity Fulmer may not be the flashiest, funniest, or prettiest, but he is the winningest. That is not something to take lightly.

The Cure: The return of Young Phil
When Fulmer first took the head coaching job at UT he was lean, energetic, and innovative. The stress and years of high expectations from Vol faithful have taken their toll on the coach. Also, Fulmer seemed to rest on his laurels a little too much after winning the national championship in 1998. Saying that Phil Fulmer need to get hungrier probably opens up too many opportunities for Krispy Kreme jokes, but in a football sense that is exactly what needs to happen. CPF needs to be that wide-eyed coach of 1992 again.

and finally...

#1:The Symptom: Confusion/Disorientation

The Cause: Too many Question Marks
Any Vol fan who says he knows what to expect out of this season is either lying, crazy, or drunk. Pretty much anything is in play starting in September. UT has the raw talent to go 11-1 and be playing for an SEC championship on Dec. 2. They also have enough head cases and demons left over from last season to go 5-7 and be looking at a total overhaul. There are question marks at almost every position on the field, and even some in the coaches’ booth. Trying to figure out the answers is enough to make any Vol fan’s head spin.

The Cure: Getting some answers.
The following questions hold the key to Tennessee’s football season:
1. Do we have a quarterback? Hopefully, the lasting image of Erik Ainge will not be of him flinging a heave of stupidity out of the end zone in Baton Rouge. Ainge has to be the man this year in order for UT to have success. Otherwise, we spend a year breaking in a talented but inexperienced Jon Crompton and hoping he can be the man next year.
2. Is the O-Line any good? Aaron Sears is a player, but if Josh McNeil isn’t an SEC-caliber center, we won’t have our best 5 at their best positions.
3. Do the receivers finally start making plays? Jayson Swain, Robert Meachem, and Bret Smith sure looked like all-Americans a few years ago on signing day. They have failed to live up to the hype so far, but their ability to make some plays and take pressure off of the QB this season will be a key to the Vols success.
4. Can the front 7 hold the line? Last year, the one bright spot was the play of the D-line and linebackers. This years group probably won’t match that same level of excellence, but they do need to be solid. A new group of linebackers will have much of pressure heaped upon them, but one key will be the return of JT Mapu coming off his hiatus for mission work If Mapu can step in and be a factor early, it will add much needed depth to a line that lost a lot of its playmaking ability form last year.
5. Will the secondary step up? The good news is that the secondary comes back pretty much intact from last year. The bad news is that last year, the secondary was sporadic at best. The secondary ranked 54th in the nation last season in pass defense, good enough to be middle of the road nationally but not nearly good enough to compete in the SEC. If the secondary isn’t improved this year, it won’t matter how good the front seven play.

Given all the uncertainty, all the storylines and all the hope surrounding the coming season, it should make for one heckuva year. GO VOLS!