A New Joke

[surrealvol]

A really top-rated recruit was visiting the University of Florida and he was sitting in the office of Mr. Urban Meyer Weiner. He saw a golden telephone on the desk and asked Weiner about it. "That's a phone to heaven", Weiner said, "In case you would like to call someone who has gone on". The recruit reached for the phone and Weiner told him it would cost $200.00 for the call. Disappointed, the recruit sat back in the chair.

A few weeks later, the recruit was visiting the University of Alabama and was in Coach Shoola's office. There was another golden telephone. The recruit mentioned it and asked if there was a cost, and Coach Shoola said it would be $100.00. Once again the recruit was disappointed.

When this young man visited THE UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE, he was in Phil's office and was looking at the Golden telephone when coach offered to let him make a call. "Coach, I just can't afford it", said the young man. "You can't afford a quarter", said coach. "A quarter", said the recruit. He then told coach what had happened at the two previous schools.

"Son", said coach, "It's only a quarter here at U.T. because it is a LOCAL CALL."!!!!!!!

 

[IBleedOrange24/7]

:clapping: :angel: , Good one!

 

[TJ_dap]

ha!

 

[volmanjr]

an oldie but a goodie

 

[footballfreak]

:rock: thats a gooden

 

[BHAMVOLFAN]

2 more...

WOMAN WAS SHOPPING AT HER LOCAL SUPERMARKET WHERE SHE SELECTED:

1 HALF-GALLON OF 2% MILK,
1 DOZEN EGGS,
1 QUART OF ORANGE JUICE,
1 HEAD OF ROMAINE LETTUCE,
2 LBS. OF COFFEE,
1 LB. PACKAGE OF BACON.

AS SHE WAS UNLOADING HER ITEMS ON THE CONVEYOR BELT TO CHECK OUT, A
DRUNK STANDING BEHIND HER WATCHED AS SHE PLACED THE ITEMS IN FRONT OF
THE CASHIER. WHILE THE CASHIER WAS RINGING UP HER PURCHASES, THE DRUNK
CALMLY STATED," YOU MUST BE SINGLE."

THE WOMAN WAS A BIT STARTLED BY THIS PROCLAMATION, BUT SHE WAS
INTRIGUED
BY THE DERELICT'S INTUITION, SINCE SHE WAS INDEED SINGLE. SHE LOOKED
AT
HER SIX ITEMS ON THE BELT AND SAW NOTHING PARTICULARLY UNUSUAL ABOUT
HER
SELECTIONS THAT COULD HAVE TIPPED OFF THE DRUNK TO

HER MARITAL STATUS.

CURIOSITY GETTING THE BETTER OF HER, SHE SAID "WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT,
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. BUT HOW ON EARTH DID YOU KNOW THAT?"

THE DRUNK REPLIED, "'CAUSE YOU'RE UGLY."



_____

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab
driver
won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring He replies:
"I
have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I
am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or
ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that:
one, you have to be single and two, you must be Catholic." The cab
driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" OK"
the
nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy
with
a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the
road, the cab driver starts crying . "My dear child," said the nun,
why
are you crying? "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess,
I'm
married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a
Halloween
party."

 

[OWB]

2 more...

WOMAN WAS SHOPPING AT HER LOCAL SUPERMARKET WHERE SHE SELECTED:

1 HALF-GALLON OF 2% MILK,
1 DOZEN EGGS,
1 QUART OF ORANGE JUICE,
1 HEAD OF ROMAINE LETTUCE,
2 LBS. OF COFFEE,
1 LB. PACKAGE OF BACON.

AS SHE WAS UNLOADING HER ITEMS ON THE CONVEYOR BELT TO CHECK OUT, A
DRUNK STANDING BEHIND HER WATCHED AS SHE PLACED THE ITEMS IN FRONT OF
THE CASHIER. WHILE THE CASHIER WAS RINGING UP HER PURCHASES, THE DRUNK
CALMLY STATED," YOU MUST BE SINGLE."

THE WOMAN WAS A BIT STARTLED BY THIS PROCLAMATION, BUT SHE WAS
INTRIGUED
BY THE DERELICT'S INTUITION, SINCE SHE WAS INDEED SINGLE. SHE LOOKED
AT
HER SIX ITEMS ON THE BELT AND SAW NOTHING PARTICULARLY UNUSUAL ABOUT
HER
SELECTIONS THAT COULD HAVE TIPPED OFF THE DRUNK TO

HER MARITAL STATUS.

CURIOSITY GETTING THE BETTER OF HER, SHE SAID "WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT,
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. BUT HOW ON EARTH DID YOU KNOW THAT?"

THE DRUNK REPLIED, "'CAUSE YOU'RE UGLY."

lol:

 

[surrealvol]

Both of those are just awesome!