kev20
UT45-17
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Some of these are amusing. Most of them you've heard before.
MLB player Carl Everett on various subjects:
On the earth: The world is round? Says who? I'll believe it when I go up into outer space and see it.
On dinosaurs: God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Terrell Owens on Terrell Owens: I love me some me.
Manny Ramirez on his contract: "The price of gas is up and so is mine."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Oilers coach Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips: "Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye."
New Orleans Saints RB George Rogers: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
Upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the Redskins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
Mickey Rivers, on life in general: "Ain't no sense worrying about things you got no control over, 'cause if you got no control over them, ain't no sense worrying. And aint no sense worrying about things you got control over, 'cause if you got control over them, aint no sense worrying."
Satchel Paige: "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
And a few gems from Yogi Berra (out of many!):
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.
I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary.
I never said most of the things I said.
MLB player Carl Everett on various subjects:
On the earth: The world is round? Says who? I'll believe it when I go up into outer space and see it.
On dinosaurs: God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Terrell Owens on Terrell Owens: I love me some me.
Manny Ramirez on his contract: "The price of gas is up and so is mine."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Oilers coach Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips: "Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye."
New Orleans Saints RB George Rogers: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
Upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the Redskins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
Mickey Rivers, on life in general: "Ain't no sense worrying about things you got no control over, 'cause if you got no control over them, ain't no sense worrying. And aint no sense worrying about things you got control over, 'cause if you got control over them, aint no sense worrying."
Satchel Paige: "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
And a few gems from Yogi Berra (out of many!):
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.
I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary.
I never said most of the things I said.
