Been kinda down lately

#1
J

Jmxvol

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#1
This may sound kind of lame, but I feel like I have no friends right now. I just turned 22 and I recently realized that I don't know what the hell happened to anybody I grew up with. Also, I have a friend that stabbed me in the back about 6 months ago and we went our seperate ways. Lately I've started missing him, we grew up together. Should I contact him? Anybody have any opinions on all this? If not, sorry for the stupid thread... :unsure:
I feel like we are a family hear at VN, so I thought I might ask for some advice.
 
#2
#2
Cheer up man!
Kickoff is just around the bend......

"ITS FOOTBALL TIME IN TENNESSEE" Always lifts my spirits :rocks:
 
#3
#3
We ARE your family here. Anytime you are down and need someone to talk to, we are always here. As for advice, what could getting in touch with your friend hurt? He may be as down and lonely as you are, wishing
someone would call.
 
#5
#5
Originally posted by Jmxvol@Jul 31, 2005 2:17 PM
Also, I have a friend that stabbed me in the back about 6 months ago and we went our seperate ways. Lately I've started missing him, we grew up together. Should I contact him? Anybody have any opinions on all this?
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It's hard to say for sure, since stabbing you in the back could mean alot of things, but if it's something that you feel like you can forgive and forget then I would say give your friend a call.
 
#6
#6
Originally posted by NCGatorBait@Jul 31, 2005 5:05 PM
A night out at the strip club would certainly pep you up! ;)  :peace2:
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:shakehead:
 
#8
#8
It may or may not help you to find out that you're not alone. Most anyone old enough to have finished college and moved away for a job goes through the same thing. People grow up and seem to spread across the country like oil on water. It's really hard, and it seems to just jump out and smack you in the face one day. I've gone through it 3 times now -- college, med school, and residency -- each time, leaving behind VERY close friends.

The good news is that distance doesn't have to end a relationship. It's kind of cool knowing that you can take a vacation or road trip to a bunch of diverse places and not have to get a hotel room. And, I've found, when you visit a friend, the time apart seems to matter very little. I've been surprised to find myself very comfortable around people that I haven't seen for years.

My advice: don't get too down, don't be afraid to meet new people, and get a killer cell phone plan. A call is no substitute for a beer and a game of pool, but it sure as hell beats sitting around by yourself wondering if the other person is missing you too. I seem to find out time and time again that the answer to that question is almost always a resounding "yes."
 
#10
#10
Originally posted by Jmxvol@Jul 31, 2005 3:17 PM
This may sound kind of lame, but I feel like I have no friends right now. I just turned 22 and I recently realized that I don't know what the hell happened to anybody I grew up with. Also, I have a friend that stabbed me in the back about 6 months ago and we went our seperate ways. Lately I've started missing him, we grew up together. Should I contact him? Anybody have any opinions on all this? If not, sorry for the stupid thread...  :unsure:
I feel like we are a family hear at VN, so I thought I might ask for some advice.
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Hi, A few things life has taught me:

1. When I feel depressed I get up and get busy...even if it is to scrub the toilets! Activity helps the blues go away! Just get busy, and don't stop. You will soon feel more cheerful.

2. Long ago I realized that if I wanted to talk to someone I better not wait around for them to call me. Maybe your friend is waiting. Maybe your friend is so mortified by what he did that he cannot make the first move. What can it hurt to try? If it doesn't work out then you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you tried and will no longer be asking yourself ... what if?

3. Sometimes in life we grow thru school, experiences, jobs, etc. Sometimes our friends do not grow with us and they feel threatened that we have moved in different directions. That is usually when they act out. Ask yourself if maybe your life is perceived to be somewhat better than this person's at the moment, and maybe this is the reason for the back stabbing?

3. We always have a special place in our heart for someone, even if we cannot be with them anymore because they have mistreated us. ie...you will always have a special place for that girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, friend, etc. because there was something there in the beginning that drew you together...right? But sometimes we must say goodbye to protect ourselves from being treated badly by this person. If this is the case know that you are not alone, and just quietly close the door and walk away.

4. 22 years is young....as you grow in life and in your career you will see that some friends you keep for a lifetime, and some move on, just as you will. Your interests will change. When this happens give yourself a little time to mourn the loss, and then get out there and live life! It sort of sounds that you are mourning the loss of something that was once great and now feels gone.

5. My daddy used to tell me this all the time..... Everyone is just trying to make it thru another day. Maybe your friends are trying to get established in their careers, relationships, etc and time is slipping by. I find it is all to easy to get caught up in the rat race of American life. Call them. I recently called a friend that I lost touch with from 6yrs ago. She said she and her husband had been talking about me the night before! She was estatic to hear from me. Your friends are still there! I promise.

Lastly, you sound like the most sincere, truest hearted person. It would be an honor to me to have a thoughtful, sweet, caring friend like you. I bet there are a hundred people around you that would love to be your friend. So start sticking your hand out and talking to people! You'd be surprised how many friends you can make!

And do this for me! Next time you go somewhere like WalMart or the grocery store and the clerk is wearing a nametag, notice their name. Then when they hand you the receipt don't take it right away. That will cause them to have to look at you rather than being distracted and looking at the person in line behind you. When they look at you ... Look them in the eye and say... Thank you Bill, (or whatever) that was quick and easy! You won't believe the big smile you will get for noticing their name, and YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW GOOD THAT SMILE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL!!!!!


Now... peptalk is over! .... say... "Thanks mom!"

:D
 
#11
#11
Listen to Bayou!!!!! I am at the age right now where I have forgiven my friends for the things that happened at your age!!!!! I realized Im too old for all that "he did this and she said that" CRAP!!! I finally gave in and realized we were all young and stupid. I didnt want to loose a 10 year friendship over that. I might be worth trying to talk to him!!!

It is going to be harder to keep friends the older you get because you will be sooooo busy. You are going to have to work at it!!!!!

Cheer up!!!!!!! You always have us to fall back on!!!! :D
 
#12
#12
Originally posted by la.lovesorange@Aug 1, 2005 11:01 AM
Cheer up!!!!!!! You always have us to fall back on!!!! :D
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Is that supposed to make him feel better.......or worse? :p
 
#14
#14
I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I lived in Knoxville most of my life (22 years) until I graduated and got sent out to Phoenix. I have friends in Knox that I had known from Kindergarten. Once I got to Phx, I realized I did not know one person! It was the lonliest feeling I'd ever had. So I had 2 choices: 1) to just sit around and feel sorry for myself or 2) figure out new ways to meet people. It is amazing how easy it is once you decide to do it. I started volunteering w/ Habitat for Humanity, signed up for adult rec league sports, and found a new church. The difference it made in my life and my disposition was amazing! Feeling better also made me better @ work. I'm not saying to ever forget your old friends but you can never have too many.

As for the friend who stabbed you in the back, that can easily be fixed. I just resurrected a friendship after 3 years that ended because of a $200 dispute. I wish I could say that I was the one who reached out but I wasn't. My friend called me out of the blue to just settle everything. It was amazing how everything was corrected by just talking it out, and how good I felt after it was fixed. Now we make a point to talk every week. I'm not saying that it will always work out, but it will take a huge weight off your shoulders to call and let your friend know that you're open to fixing everything. Keep your head up and good luck in all you decide to do.
 
#16
#16
Thanks for all of your replies. It took a lot for me to stick my neck out and actually throw that topic out there. Do you ever wish you could just wave a wand and put things back the way the used to be?
Keeping busy does help; and meeting new friends is nice too, it's just that I don't know that I could ever have the connection with someone else that I did w/ my friend whom I grew up with. I just hope he feels the same way I do. The only problem with him is that the situation that split us apart might keep us from being friends or have that connection again. I would explain things more but I'm sure you all have better things to do with your time then read my crap.
 
#17
#17
Originally posted by Jmxvol@Aug 1, 2005 4:20 PM
Thanks for all of your replies. It took a lot for me to stick my neck out and actually throw that topic out there. Do you ever wish you could just wave a wand and put things back the way the used to be?
Keeping busy does help; and meeting new friends is nice too, it's just that I don't know that I could ever have the connection with someone else that I did w/ my friend whom I grew up with. I just hope he feels the same way I do. The only problem with him is that the situation that split us apart might keep us from being friends or have that connection again. I would explain things more but I'm sure you all have better things to do with your time then read my crap.
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If you need to talk, PM me anytime.
 
#18
#18
Originally posted by LadyinOrange@Aug 1, 2005 10:58 PM
If you need to talk, PM me anytime.
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I'll save you the trouble JMX. LIO will just tell you to go to church to pick up women..... :lol:
 
#19
#19
Originally posted by LadyinOrange@Aug 1, 2005 1:02 PM
Find a church that has a lot of folks your age and does a lot of fun stuff.
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Good advice LiO...

Hey man, sounds like you now have a lot to go with here so not much I can add... But certainly do not sit around and feel too down...It's a big world out there and lots of things are going on...Be a part of it!
 
#20
#20
Originally posted by Jmxvol@Aug 1, 2005 4:20 PM
I don't know that I could ever have the connection with someone else that I did w/ my friend whom I grew up with.
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Understood. However, you don't have to "replace" that connection. And, sometimes, you will be surprised at the fulfillment you might get from a new and different relationship. I've tried to never "lose" friends, but also not to let having them in my past or being away from them prevent me from meeting new people.
 
#21
#21
I know how you feel, as well. I had quite a few friends that I grew up with and have since lost touch. There is only one person that I graduated with that I still hang out with. The others, I have met since.

People change. sometimes you change with them, and stay friends, and sometimes you don't. That's just the way life is.
 
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