CIA Torture Techniques...

[therealUT]

Beautiful morning for a jog, then I find this when I get back and my day just keeps getting better.

September 18, 2006

Secret CIA interrogation techniques revealed!

The Grauniad blows the lid off the mother:

Details emerged yesterday about the seven interrogation techniques the CIA is seeking to be allowed to apply to terror suspects... The techniques sought by the CIA are: induced hypothermia; forcing suspects to stand for prolonged periods; sleep deprivation; a technique called "the attention grab" where a suspect's shirt is forcefully seized; the "attention slap" or open hand slapping that hurts but does not lead to physical damage; the "belly slap"; and sound and light manipulation.​

All you want to do is blow up some infidels for Allah, but these pigs won't let you sit down or take a nap or put on a sweater. If the blasphemers are feeling particularly American, they might even wrinkle your outfit. Or give you a pinkbelly! AAAAIIIEEEEEEEE!!!
But check it out, the Bush regime doesn't want to tell you about the other torture techniques he's devised...

• The Faux Shirt Stain: Interrogator points at suspect's chest: "Look, you've got something on your shirt." When suspect looks down, interrogator brings up index finger, tweaking suspect's nose. Interrogator laughs. This grievous affront, a loss of honor in the eyes of Allah, administers massive psychic trauma to suspect. Repeat as needed.
• The Urkel: Suspect is locked in room lined with 72-inch plasma screens showing non-stop Family Matters episodes featuring '90s "urban nerd" Steve Urkel. Longest recorded breaking time: 2.3 hours.
• The Echo: Interrogator repeats all of suspect's statements in snotty voice...
  Suspect: All unbelievers will fall before the sword of Allah!
  Interrogator: [Flouncing about room in effeminate fashion] All unbelievers will fall! Before the sword! Of Allah! Who is my boyfriend! Pppbbbbbbhhht!!​
  Interrogator's failure to be struck down instantly places suspect under extreme psychological stress. In case of emergency, interrogator may deploy Nyah-Nyah-Nyah Protocol.
• The Complete and Utter Mind****: Suspect is addressed directly by unchaperoned female exposing more than 3% of her epidermis.
• The Chomsky: Suspect is strapped to chair in room with award-craving theoretical linguist Noam Chomsky. Earplugs are placed on table just out of suspect's reach. (This protocol is considered a Last Resort.)

 

[volinbham]

:lol:

 

[vader]

:lolabove: The Urkel is definitely cruel and unusual punishment. Oh, the humanity...

 

[CSpindizzy]

I was thinking of CopRock.....

 

[Vol-In-Bama]

ost-4-1090547912:

 

[Vol Mania 21]

HAHAHA, who cares how we torture them, they r terrorists i say give them hell

 

[CSpindizzy]

Episodes of The Nanny would work even better.

 

[TheGimp]

This is beyond cruel and unusual...

YouTube - The Urkel Dance

 

[CSpindizzy]

I'm waiting for the Tom Cruise Dance post.....