NEW YORK (CNN) -- "Sometimes it's hard to tell if Barack Obama is running for president of the United States or Mr. Universe."
If you're guessing that's a quote from Michelle Obama, you're wrong. It was the first sentence of a recent article about Obama's frequent gym visits, published by the esteemed Associated Press.
So many Americans have apparently been worried that Obama might lose his great six-pack abs, the AP felt obligated to step in and put our minds at ease.
"The Democratic presidential contender exercises regularly," the Pulitzer-worthy article continued, "but over a 24-hour span this week, he took it to a new extreme. Twice on Wednesday and again Thursday morning, Obama traveled to a lakefront apartment building near his Chicago home to work out with a friend at his gym."
Whew.
But as a media outlet that claims to offer news "of the highest quality, reliability and objectivity with reports that are accurate, balanced and informed," the AP knew that it couldn't stop there. Its hard-hitting investigation revealed the answer to another question that's kept so many people up at night: "What does
Barack Obama wear when he goes to the gym?" The jaw-dropping answer? "A baseball hat, white T-shirt and black sweat pants."
Wow. Sleep well.
But the AP realized that to have its reporting taken seriously, it would need to go even deeper and reveal exactly how much Obama perspires. Fortunately, it has world-class resources at its disposal: "When he shot hoops earlier this year with members of the University of North Carolina varsity men's basketball team, (the photographers accompanying him) didn't see Obama sweat."
My gosh, it's like he's not human! I'm surprised they didn't report how much he bench pressed, the incline level he used on the treadmill or what songs were on his iPod. Then again, I probably just didn't look hard enough.
To reiterate, this wasn't a hometown newspaper, local television affiliates or a left-wing blogger reporting this "news" about Obama's exercise routine. It was a mainstream, international, "unbiased" news organization.
