Duckcrazed
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SportingNews.com - The Sporting Blog - Special Spot in Hell for 'Bama Fan Who Stabbed Auburn Fans, Paid Retarded Man to Take Blame
There's fan hell, see? It's got nine levels, and there's a few things you need to know.
Level one: Cubs fans. It's a comfortable hell, and they serve drinks.
Level two: People who yell "down in front" when I'm standing. It's not my fault you're both old and a douchebag. Die and leave your ticket to someone with functioning knees who actually likes to cheer, please.
Level three: All other baseball fans. No sport has been worse to you, but you keep coming back for it. It only beats you because it loves you! Yes, we've heard that before.
Levels four: All New York sports fans. You're terrible people, all of you. Go ahead and boo; it's what you're going to do anyway, so I might as well say it. You get the full slobbering love of Sportscenter every night, and thus earn sports hell in the afterlife.
Levels five through eight: Philadelphia fans. Like New York fans, but with crowbars and tasers.
Level nine, however, is a fiery pit of eternal pain and misery with one resident and one resident only: Joey Barrett Jr., 25, a cage fighter who incited a brawl at an Auburn frat house the night before the Iron Bowl by yelling "ROLL TIDE" at a party. Barrett will not only serve time for beating and stabbing total strangers in their house for no reason whatsoever, but will do additional time for attempting to bribe a witness into taking the fall for the fight.
And here's where "awful" runs out of gas and fails to describe what actually happened.
The defense attorney in the 2006 trial told jurors that Louie Holtz, now 40, of Mobile, would admit to get ting caught up in the fight and testify that it was he, not Barrett, who stabbed the fraternity brothers. The judge in the case, however, ordered Holtz to secure counsel, noting that Holtz had previously been declared mentally retarded ... Abbett said investigation into the case continued after the trial, eventually revealing that Barrett had offered Holtz a car in exchange for taking the heat on the assault charges.
Ninth-level of sports hell: all yours, Joey Barrett. Roll Tide, buddy! The MMA stuff should come in handy in prison when people discover you attempted to get a retarded man to take the rap for your stabbing. In the meantime, Rampage Jackson is very interested in your strategies and techniques, and would like to speak to you at your convenience.
There's fan hell, see? It's got nine levels, and there's a few things you need to know.
Level one: Cubs fans. It's a comfortable hell, and they serve drinks.
Level two: People who yell "down in front" when I'm standing. It's not my fault you're both old and a douchebag. Die and leave your ticket to someone with functioning knees who actually likes to cheer, please.
Level three: All other baseball fans. No sport has been worse to you, but you keep coming back for it. It only beats you because it loves you! Yes, we've heard that before.
Levels four: All New York sports fans. You're terrible people, all of you. Go ahead and boo; it's what you're going to do anyway, so I might as well say it. You get the full slobbering love of Sportscenter every night, and thus earn sports hell in the afterlife.
Levels five through eight: Philadelphia fans. Like New York fans, but with crowbars and tasers.
Level nine, however, is a fiery pit of eternal pain and misery with one resident and one resident only: Joey Barrett Jr., 25, a cage fighter who incited a brawl at an Auburn frat house the night before the Iron Bowl by yelling "ROLL TIDE" at a party. Barrett will not only serve time for beating and stabbing total strangers in their house for no reason whatsoever, but will do additional time for attempting to bribe a witness into taking the fall for the fight.
And here's where "awful" runs out of gas and fails to describe what actually happened.
The defense attorney in the 2006 trial told jurors that Louie Holtz, now 40, of Mobile, would admit to get ting caught up in the fight and testify that it was he, not Barrett, who stabbed the fraternity brothers. The judge in the case, however, ordered Holtz to secure counsel, noting that Holtz had previously been declared mentally retarded ... Abbett said investigation into the case continued after the trial, eventually revealing that Barrett had offered Holtz a car in exchange for taking the heat on the assault charges.
Ninth-level of sports hell: all yours, Joey Barrett. Roll Tide, buddy! The MMA stuff should come in handy in prison when people discover you attempted to get a retarded man to take the rap for your stabbing. In the meantime, Rampage Jackson is very interested in your strategies and techniques, and would like to speak to you at your convenience.
