did you hear the one about?

#1
volfan5719

volfan5719

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#1
heres a chance to post a favorite joke or two.

my proceeding jokes are not a reflection on myself.

why do they call it pms?
mad cow disease was already taken.

why was the shopping cart invented?
to teach women to walk on their hind legs.

what do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
you slap her.

womens lib doesnt make sense to me. first they burn their bras, then they want support.

whats worse than a male chauvanistic pig?
a woman that wont do what shes told.
 
#2
#2
(volfan5719 @ Feb 24 said:
heres a chance to post a favorite joke or two.

my proceeding jokes are not a reflection on myself.

why do they call it pms?
mad cow disease was already taken.

why was the shopping cart invented?
to teach women to walk on their hind legs.

what do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
you slap her.

womens lib doesnt make sense to me. first they burn their bras, then they want support.

whats worse than a male chauvanistic pig?
a woman that wont do what shes told.
Click to expand...

:no: :moon2:
 
#6
#6
Heres one an Oklahoman told me recently, although a friendly jab at me and all southerners...I thought it funny.

How does a Southern man know if his trailer is level? Tobbacco juice comes outta both sides of his mouth. :blink:
 
#7
#7
HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE A SECRET REDNECK JEDI

If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

If you ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

 
#8
#8
That is the best thing I have ever seen.

And yes I was the one drinking Jack in the cantina scene.
 
#10
#10
Can I post a long one? Ok, here goes.

Two guys took an afternoon off from work to play a round of golf. While on the first tee, they saw a couple of women playing ahead of them and playing real slow at that.
One guy says:"If those two don't get a move on we'll out be here 'til dark."
The other one says: Just wait here. I'll take the cart out there and ask them if we can play though."
So he roars out down the car path and suddenly whips the cart 180 degrees and roars back with the throttle wide open.
The first guy ask what's wrong and the other one says: "That's my wife and my girlfriend out there playing together and I didn't even know they knew each other!"
So the first guy says: " Take it easy. I'll go out there and ask them to let us through and then we'll just whiz by 'em so fast they won't recognize you."
The first guy roars out, just as suddenly whips the cart around and come roaring back, too.
The second guy asks: "What's wrong now?"
First guy says: "It's a small world, aint it."
 
#12
#12
THINGS YOU'D NEVER HEAR A REDNECK SAY

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

Do you think my hair is too big?

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

The tires on that truck are too big.

I've got it all on a floppy disk.

Do you think this ball cap goes with this shirt?

Damned if that polititian ain't honest!

We're vegetarians.

I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

You can't feed that to the dog.

Trim the fat off that steak.

I just love the Opera

Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

Wrasslin's fake.

 
#13
#13
A guy walks into a restaurant, orders a drink, and asks the waiter if he'd like to hear a good BAMMER joke.

"Listen buddy," he growled. "See those 2 big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the BAMMER football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at BAMMER. That guy in the corner was BAMMER'S all-time champion weight lifter. And I lettered in 3 sports at BAMMER. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"

"Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times."
 
#14
#14
(bigtime @ Feb 26 said:
A guy walks into a restaurant, orders a drink, and asks the waiter if he'd like to hear a good Notre Dame joke.

"Listen buddy," he growled. "See those 2 big guys on your left? They were both linemen on the Notre Dame football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at Notre Dame. That guy in the corner was Notre Dame's all-time champion weight lifter. And I lettered in 3 sports at Notre Dame. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"

"Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times."
Click to expand...


Replace Notre Dame with Alabama and it would be better. :biggrin2:
 
#17
#17
>Three men were sitting together bragging about how
> >they had given their wives duties.
> >
> >The first man had married a woman from Maine and bragged that he had
> >told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning.
> >He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a
> >clean house and the dishes were done.
> >
> >The second man had married a woman from Canada. He bragged that he
> >had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes
> >and the cooking.
> >On the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was
> >better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done
> >and he had a huge dinner on the table.
> >
> >The third man had married a Tennessee girl. He boasted that he told
> >her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
> >lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.
> >He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
> >didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had
> >gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to
> >fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and telephone a
> >landscaper.
> >
> >Gotta love those TENNESSEE Girls!!
 
#19
#19
What does a tornado and an Alabama divorce have in common?

In both cases, somebody's losing a trailer.
 
#21
#21
yeah. I need to make my avatar the power T on my calf.

Go Vols!!
 
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