Funniest Thing to Ever Happen to You

[n_huffhines]

I'm taking a class where I need to write about the funniest thing that ever happened to me and I'm having trouble coming up with the answer. I've thought of a few funny things, but they can't be the funniest. I thought maybe other people's stories would spark my memory. Please share!

 

[Boogievol]

Playing little league baseball around age twelve and had really bad gas. I hit a double and as I ran down the first base line past the opponents dugout I was farting loudly and kept farting until I slid into second base. Everyone sitting in the bleachers on that side heard it to. They were all laughing their asses off but I was actually really embarrassed but looking back I can laugh about it.

 

[CopperHead_Vol]

I'm taking a class where I need to write about the funniest thing that ever happened to me and I'm having trouble coming up with the answer. I've thought of a few funny things, but they can't be the funniest. I thought maybe other people's stories would spark my memory. Please share!

This is the most painful but funniest thing that happened to me that I can think of on short notice. I posted this originally in the "worst, most painful thing" thread a few years back.
....................

Along the same lines... I was working on our vehicles and had my wife's car keys in my front pants pocket one day. I was crawling around under my truck working on it and heard a hissing sound. I laid there wondering what the heck that noise was for a bit.

I realized in a hurry that the pepper spray on her keychain was going off in my pants. Soaked my drawers front to back. I rolled out and shucked my pants and drawers and ran yelling toward the water hose.

Burnt for 2 days straight... then for another few days anytime I would get out and break into a sweat. Hell, a month later I put the same pants on and went out working fence. I had to strip down again when I started sweating and the pocket started burning my leg.

Never get pepper spray on your junk... it can make you run half-naked into into a tree.

Later,

CH_V

 

[n_huffhines]

This is the most painful but funniest thing that happened to me that I can think of on short notice. I posted this originally in the "worst, most painful thing" thread a few years back.
....................

Along the same lines... I was working on our vehicles and had my wife's car keys in my front pants pocket one day. I was crawling around under my truck working on it and heard a hissing sound. I laid there wondering what the heck that noise was for a bit.

I realized in a hurry that the pepper spray on her keychain was going off in my pants. Soaked my drawers front to back. I rolled out and shucked my pants and drawers and ran yelling toward the water hose.

Burnt for 2 days straight... then for another few days anytime I would get out and break into a sweat. Hell, a month later I put the same pants on and went out working fence. I had to strip down again when I started sweating and the pocket started burning my leg.

Never get pepper spray on your junk... it can make you run half-naked into into a tree.

Later,

CH_V

That's a good one. Reminds me that when I was about 7 I got poison ivy all over my weiner because I held it when I peed. I've been peeing hands-free ever since.

 

[CopperHead_Vol]

That's a good one. Reminds me that when I was about 7 I got poison ivy all over my weiner because I held it when I peed. I've been peeing hands-free ever since.

I remember a guy coming on a Jeep forum asking how to get Hurculiner off his junk. He and his buddies were drinking and painting bed liner in the tub of a Jeep late on night. He got it on his hands standing around the jeep and then took a leak. Long story short, he called the manufacturer and they told him to use a brill-o-pad and mineral spirits to scrub it off. He did not try that, the thread went on for weeks, ended up with his GF leaving him over it... lol

 

[BearCat204]

When I was stationed in Jacksonville I had a nice little 18ft bayliner that me and my buddies took out every weekend in the St Johns River in Jacksonville. The one spot we always went to ski and wakeboard was a pretty narrow waterway on both sides and marshy banks so pretty much home to gators. Also the water was brackish and several bullsharks had been spotted in that water over the years (I was young, aircrew rescue swimmer, thought I was a damn god). Anyway, with all that I was skiing and wiped out and my buddies were jackasses and kept just circling me with the boat while I sat and tread water. All of a sudden this big dark face came out of the water and I thought immediately it was a gator.........so I did what any manly man would do in that situation, I screamed like a little girl. After about 20 seconds of terror and screaming, I realized that it was a manatee. My buddies have never let me live that down and anytime we get together for a reunion, it always gets brought up.

 

[n_huffhines]

When I was stationed in Jacksonville I had a nice little 18ft bayliner that me and my buddies took out every weekend in the St Johns River in Jacksonville. The one spot we always went to ski and wakeboard was a pretty narrow waterway on both sides and marshy banks so pretty much home to gators. Also the water was brackish and several bullsharks had been spotted in that water over the years (I was young, aircrew rescue swimmer, thought I was a damn god). Anyway, with all that I was skiing and wiped out and my buddies were jackasses and kept just circling me with the boat while I sat and tread water. All of a sudden this big dark face came out of the water and I thought immediately it was a gator.........so I did what any manly man would do in that situation, I screamed like a little girl. After about 20 seconds of terror and screaming, I realized that it was a manatee. My buddies have never let me live that down and anytime we get together for a reunion, it always gets brought up.

I know they're harmless, but I wouldn't need to be in shark-infested waters to have a surprise manatee scare the **** out of me. Bullsharks are most likely to attack humans. Y'all were nuts

 

[GAVol]

Saw my Dad's secretary at a golf outing I was playing in. She said "I heard the good news. Congratulations!" I thought that she must be referring to me winning the award for longest drive. In fact, she was referring to us finding out that my wife was pregnant.... which made it very unfortunate when I replied "Yeah....I just got up there and hit it as hard as I could."

 

[MR_VOL]

The below event happened in the summer of 2004 during the construction of our home. On this particular day, I had been working with the heating and air guys as well as the finishing carpenters to finish out our basement. We had gotten the heat and air trunk lines installed and the sheet-rock installed on the ceiling.

I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower when my wife arrived home and asked how the day had gone. I said good but I am tired......I helped hang the sheet-rock, and I ran 6 ducts. My wife replied where? I said in the basement and got in the shower. A few minutes later, my wife asked where are the ducts? I replied in the basement ceiling and continued my shower.

After finishing my shower, I talked to the contractor on the phone, and then got dressed. While walking down the hall, I heard all kinds of commotion going on in the basement. I immediately ran down the stairs, turned the corner, and saw my wife standing on a ladder with her head above the sheet-rock ceiling, a rake in one hand and a flashlight in the other hand. One trunk line was hanging down and about a 25% of all the sheet-rock had been ripped down......I was about 90% shocked and 10% irate!

While standing there in disbelief with no words spoken, my wife steps down the ladder, looks directly into my eyes and with all seriousness says I don't see or hear any ducts......are you sure the ducts are up here? She goes on to say I can't see anything for these “air conditioning tubes.” And then says how did the ducts get in the ceiling? Before I could answer she goes back up the ladder and then everything comes together [like getting hit with a ton of bricks]......my wife starts mimicking a living, breathing, feathered duck......quack, quack, quack, quack and more quack, quack, quack, quack. Now, at this very moment, I begin to horse-laugh.......she steps back down the ladder and says “in that tone” you could be helping!!! Now tears begin to run down my face, she then gives me the “death-look” and goes back up the ladder. I am laughing so hard, I cannot breath and the tears have turned into a river......I had to set down on the stairs. Then suddenly I hear a very loud---kaboom.......I looked around the corner and there was a trunk line but this time it was on the floor. I immediately yelled stop, stop and got my wife off the ladder. This is what happens when you speak with a hillbilly accent and your wife knows absolutely nothing about home construction......ducts get confused with ducks!

Around $1,000.00, a few days later, and unprecedented laughter from the construction guys, all was put back together to its original form. Now, anytime I talk with my wife about heat and air I used the term “air conditioning tubes” not ducts/ducks. Believe it or not, my wife is smart, great personality, and has one Hell of a sense of humor, but to this very day, my wife does not think this event is the least bit funny and actually gets quite upset if it is even mentioned......which is why I only talk about it a couple of times each year!

 

[n_huffhines]

Omg

 

[Tin Man]

Goose, goose...

 

[joevol33]

First, I say pop instead of coke or soda, and I had pop and deer jerkey in the car. When my oldest was around 3 we stopped at a local convenient store to get gas. Everyone knew me, and knew we were church goung folks, plus their was 2 cops in there. I walked in and sit my daughter on the counter cause the girl working wanted to see her, and the 2 cops were right there also. The girl asked my daughter if she wanted a cookie and she replied, " no, my daddy has pot and beer in the car and I want that". Everyone just stopped and looked at me, and I quickly explained it was pop and deer. That still tickles me.

 

[Pacer92]

Was standing in the on deck circle in high school, I’m feeling good because I’m already 2-2 at the plate....I’m checking out the girls in the stands, one girl especially that I had a big crush on, when all of a sudden I feel something wet hit the back of my neck...a big azz bird had **** on me from my helmet to my belt! Lol. It sounded like the whole stands saw it from the laughter that erupted...

 

[MR_VOL]

Was standing in the on deck circle in high school, I’m feeling good because I’m already 2-2 at the plate....I’m checking out the girls in the stands, one girl especially that I had a big crush on, when all of a sudden I feel something wet hit the back of my neck...a big azz bird had **** on me from my helmet to my belt! Lol. It sounded like the whole stands saw it from the laughter that erupted...

I walked out of church and got bird sh!t on......directly on the top of my head. The bird must have been constipated because the turd was about the size of a golf ball. I have always heard it is good luck when a bird sh!t's on you but I don't believe it. And, no, I do not believe it was a sign from God.

 

[LouderVol]

My friends and I always played Mario Cart back in college. We in the midst of finishing up another round thru and on Rainbow Road. The longest and last race for those who dont know. To us it's essentially the only one that matters. You can lose the other 15 races and win rainbow road and have all the bragging rights. We take the game very seriously.


One of my friends had been losing all night and really needed the rainbow road win to get some redemption. He is out in front on the last lap with the finish line in site. He gets passed by one of the computers, and yells out "Come on!". Right after he gets hit by a shell knocking him off the course, so he yells out "my azz!"

And I mean right after, I burst out laughing and my other friend joins in. We are rolling on the floor as the race ends and he has to watch all the comp and my friend pass him. But it was the "Come on my azz" part that had us going. I was laughing for five minutes, tears, only stopped to catch my breath, and would randomly burst out later in the night afterwards with more laughter. We had to explain at least three times to him, he was too pissed off to see how it was funny.

We still hang out and joke about it. And when we play we warn each other to avoid any "come on my azz" moments. Confuses our GFs and causes plenty of questions. But still gets us laughing to the point of tears if we have been drinking.

 

[n_huffhines]

My friends and I always played Mario Cart back in college. We in the midst of finishing up another round thru and on Rainbow Road. The longest and last race for those who dont know. To us it's essentially the only one that matters. You can lose the other 15 races and win rainbow road and have all the bragging rights. We take the game very seriously.


One of my friends had been losing all night and really needed the rainbow road win to get some redemption. He is out in front on the last lap with the finish line in site. He gets passed by one of the computers, and yells out "Come on!". Right after he gets hit by a shell knocking him off the course, so he yells out "my azz!"

And I mean right after, I burst out laughing and my other friend joins in. We are rolling on the floor as the race ends and he has to watch all the comp and my friend pass him. But it was the "Come on my azz" part that had us going. I was laughing for five minutes, tears, only stopped to catch my breath, and would randomly burst out later in the night afterwards with more laughter. We had to explain at least three times to him, he was too pissed off to see how it was funny.

We still hang out and joke about it. And when we play we warn each other to avoid any "come on my azz" moments. Confuses our GFs and causes plenty of questions. But still gets us laughing to the point of tears if we have been drinking.

Nick Swardson has a bit about his online gaming freakouts being mistaken for violent gay sex by his neighbors.

 

[05_never_again]

My friends and I always played Mario Cart back in college. We in the midst of finishing up another round thru and on Rainbow Road. The longest and last race for those who dont know. To us it's essentially the only one that matters. You can lose the other 15 races and win rainbow road and have all the bragging rights. We take the game very seriously.


One of my friends had been losing all night and really needed the rainbow road win to get some redemption. He is out in front on the last lap with the finish line in site. He gets passed by one of the computers, and yells out "Come on!". Right after he gets hit by a shell knocking him off the course, so he yells out "my azz!"

And I mean right after, I burst out laughing and my other friend joins in. We are rolling on the floor as the race ends and he has to watch all the comp and my friend pass him. But it was the "Come on my azz" part that had us going. I was laughing for five minutes, tears, only stopped to catch my breath, and would randomly burst out later in the night afterwards with more laughter. We had to explain at least three times to him, he was too pissed off to see how it was funny.

We still hang out and joke about it. And when we play we warn each other to avoid any "come on my azz" moments. Confuses our GFs and causes plenty of questions. But still gets us laughing to the point of tears if we have been drinking.

Those are the best kinds of stories/memories...the ones with some kind of catchphrase, quote, or saying attached to it that just never gets old and causes contagious laughter. Even people who don't "get it" end up laughing. You could have told the story a million times, or it might have happened years ago, but if you're sitting with your buddies and the quote comes up again it's non-stop laughter for about 5 minutes.

 

[hndog609]

Years ago my GF at the time had us signed up with an equestrian club. They actually had all the English/jumping horses but we were only interested in just good old Western tack and riding around the many acres of land. My first trip there she had a rather pretty palomino (turned out to be a man hater, but that's another story) and I was somewhat bummed to have drawn a lanky grey drearily dubbed Pokey. After getting all saddled up we trotted out of the stable area and my GF distracted my attention pointing to something and took off at full speed. I was looking elsewhere but Pokey immediately reacted by dropping the clutch and burning out after the females. If I hadn't grabbed the saddle horn I'd have flipped off then and there. It turns out "Pokey" was slow in the way Robin Hood's pal Little John was short. After scrabbling my way back into proper riding position Pokey and I blew past the girls, looking very smug I might add, and started up an incline with Pokey doing his best impression of one of those hillclimb racing bikes.

For those of you who don't know what a bale ring is it's a large metal ring of tubing several feet tall that allows cattle/horses the ability to reach food situated therein without also walking all over it. While busy gloating at the ladies we were leaving behind we topped the hill at speed only to find a bale ring right directly in our path. I screeched and reined one way, Pokey picked the other, and we ended up having a wild bronco busting display that had us go sliding down a hill, seemingly mostly on Pokey's nether regions, until hitting another flat spot. I was pretty out of sorts as you could imagine but Pokey, from sheer insanity, adrenaline rush, demonic possession or whatever immediately got back on the nitrous and started heading for the next field. Now convinced I was on a rather unguided terrain following mammalian missile I was now sorely vexed by the rapid approach of the next field separated by fencing and a closed gate. I had (nor have to this day) no familiarity with jumping horses and for all I knew Pokey was such an animal. This was post Christopher Reeve so I was right at the point of simply bailing off when the horse pulled the chute and jerked to a stop only a few feet away from the gate throwing me mostly forward up onto his neck. After a brief commentary to the horse involving glue I slid around the neck, hung there momentarily like some Three Toed Sloth, and dropped to the ground. For his part Pokey stood there calmly looking at the gate seemingly wondering what was taking so long to open it and getting this show back on the road. (FTR after showing me what was what we actually got along famously and when available Pokey was always my horse of choice for riding)

Shortly my GF showed up and the lack of concern for my well being in all this was palpable...by which I mean she literally fell off her horse and rolled around on the ground laughing. She'd stopped to pick up the saddle blanket that had come out from under the saddle on the rodeo portion of the ride at the top of the hill and watched the rest from that vantage point. She always really sucked at telling the story because she couldn't stop laughing.

 

[VolNExile]

I’d forgotten - when I was an Army brat teenager in Hawaii, I’d ride at Camp Smith (small Marine post.) I pretty much always rode English, but at Camp Smith, if you were trail riding, you rode Western.

So we were climbing up a ridge, and obedient to English riding style, I came up out of the saddle and leaned over the horse’s withers. We crested the ridge, and I tried to sit back down, but the damn Western saddle horn had caught under my bra.

So there I am, heading downhill at a pretty rapid clip, head down in the mane and butt up in the air, trying to untangle myself.

Naturally, there were witnesses...

 

[goldenvol]

Ok, so I was 12 and I had went to my dad's for the weekend. He took me with him and his fairly new wife to some of their friends house swimming.

My dad and some of the men were shooting pool in the downstairs area of the house. It starts to rain and my dad says " son go outside and get our towels and stuff before it gets soaked". I'm like " sure Dad' in my happy to please chipper voice. I take off in a brisk walk almost jog towards the outside pool area. Suddenly I'm flattened against a pristinely clean sliding glass door melting into the floor. I drag myself off the floor and look back at my dad with his head slumped, shaking it back and forth in disbelief and embarrassment while his buddies are choking back tears.

Needless to say not one of my best days, but I can see the humor as an old man.

 

[pismonque]

Ok, so I was 12 and I had went to my dad's for the weekend. He took me with him and his fairly new wife to some of their friends house swimming.

My dad and some of the men were shooting pool in the downstairs area of the house. It starts to rain and my dad says " son go outside and get our towels and stuff before it gets soaked". I'm like " sure Dad' in my happy to please chipper voice. I take off in a brisk walk almost jog towards the outside pool area. Suddenly I'm flattened against a pristinely clean sliding glass door melting into the floor. I drag myself off the floor and look back at my dad with his head slumped, shaking it back and forth in disbelief and embarrassment while his buddies are choking back tears.

Needless to say not one of my best days, but I can see the humor as an old man.

We once lived in a place that had a slider screen mounted over a french door. Had some folks over once and when we went to leave the first guy out opened the french door and walked right through the slider screen, taking the whole thing with him onto the patio. He was mortified, the rest of us were rolling.

 

[LouderVol]

This happened at work. I have been walking at lunch to help lose weight. There are some really nice residential areas that back up to my office so it's easy to hop over. I was headed out one day when my coworker asks me if I was going to walk down one road. I told him no, I was headed to the next one. "I have been going down on Beverly recently and i like that". Well when i started talking no one was in the hall. By the time i said "going down on beverly" two other people were in the hallway and overheard. Including a coworker named Beverly. We both turned red, the two other coworkers laughed. Double coincidence made for some real funny awkwardness.

 

[Jeepkuntry]

Most of my funny moments involved alcohol. One of the best was when I was drunk and starting peeing on a pair of shoes at my front door. There may have been about 20 people watching. That was over 10 years ago and some people bring that up everytime we have a get together.

 

[Carl Pickens]

We once lived in a place that had a slider screen mounted over a french door. Had some folks over once and when we went to leave the first guy out opened the french door and walked right through the slider screen, taking the whole thing with him onto the patio. He was mortified, the rest of us were rolling.

I did that at a friend’s house years ago. We were watching the Vols, drinking heavily and grilling burgers....I went in to get beer and his wife shut the sliding screen door.... I looked at the tv to see if halftime is was over and proceeded to walk right though the screen door.... knocked it completely out of its tracks and all the way across the deck.... I felt like the freaking Kool Aid guy. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my buddy spew beer and then everyone was cackling and laughing at me

 

[kenexcelon]

I was in the process of losing weight. After reaching the 50 lbs mark, I went to lunch with a colleague to Wendy's. Don't worry, I got a salad, LOL. I was at the point where I worked several late nights so I was exhausted and hadn't gotten new clothes yet. I was also trying not to have to buy too many clothes during this process as I knew I'd have to do that at least a few times. I was on the way to the table with my food and drink. As soon as I started to set my tray down... pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground! I was absolutely mortified, and I pulled them up lickity split. But, that's how you know you've made serious weight loss progress when your pants fall right to the floor!

Needless to say, I went that same day and bought a few new shirts, pants, and a belt! Oddly enough, that pair of pants and belt didn't feel all that loose. There was no problem with them staying up until that point. Luckily this happened in a small town or I'd probably be all over YouTube. It's funny to me now, but I made huge strides in changing my lifestyle. I went from 298 lbs to 179 lbs. This also made me realize just how much progress I had made, and it helped me push through to continue!