Funny things I have seen.

[me_grag]

Saw a fight outside a bar one night. The guy on his back on the ground assured the fellow sitting on top of him "I won't hurt you if you let me up."

 

[GVF]

I was on a date in downtown ATL one time. Homeless guy popped out from behind a restaurant dumpster and asked for $5. Said he was saving money to join the Salvation Army. That one hit square on my funny bone. He was very courteous so his creative line got him $10.

 

[tbh]

Some pals and I were returning to the dorm after grabbing some dinner off campus, and at the side stair entrance drunk dude #1 is telling drunk dude #2 how he doesn't want to walk up several flights of stairs. We knew them (we all lived on the same hall). One of my pals (who had a damn good poker face) jokingly suggests that a magic portal will open up and transport him to his room if he runs as fast as he can headfirst into the metal door. Sure enough, before anyone could react, D#1 runs with surprising swiftness and plants his noggin into the door, and knocks himself clean out (maybe he just passed out?). Feeling bad about the end result, we carried the dude up to his room...so in a way the joke-turned-cunning-plan worked. He was up and moving around fine the next day, mumbling something about not recalling ascending to his room.

 

[joevol33]

Saw a woman stand up in church one day, and said she wanted to thank God her sister was there. She said, "I wanna thank God my sister is here today, if anybody needs church it's her. She's a drunk, on drugs, and sleeping with half the neighborhood ". It was entertaining, yet awkward.

 

[tbh]

Saw a woman stand up in church one day, and said she wanted to thank God her sister was there. She said, "I wanna thank God my sister is here today, if anybody needs church it's her. She's a drunk, on drugs, and sleeping with half the neighborhood ". It was entertaining, yet awkward.

The look on her sister's face as the expression of thanks, um, developed, must have been classic!

 

[joevol33]

The look on her sister's face as the expression of thanks, um, developed, must have been classic!

She definitely cut her a look. I wanted to follow them after church to see if they fought.

 

[davethevol]

I watched a guy in high school running the 100m hurdle trip over one of the final 5 hurdles. He picked himself, tripped over the next one. Picked himself up, and tripped over the next, and the next, and then just walked gingerly to the finish line. The first trip made me feel sorry for him, and after the 3rd it became comical.

My other experience was a high school math class that was incredibly quiet as our teacher was working out a difficult problem on the board. In the midst of the silence, someone had a massive fart. No one knew how to respond and we all kind of looked around the room at each other because no one wanted to get blamed for it. The teacher kept working the problem for another minute without acknowledging it. Then someone started laughing and the teacher stormed out of the room like he was furious. He was gone for several minutes before returning and he went right back to the board to continue the problem without saying a word. Eventually he started laughing too and was doubled over from laughing so hard. He left the room because he was trying to keep his composure. We spent the rest of the class not doing any more math because no one could concentrate at that point.

 

[GVF]

Me and my first wife was in church one time and a bad storm started rolling. She whispered "Is that thunder?" And without a thought, I sang back in a whisper "and lightning, the way you move it excites me, better knock...." She began to crack up, holding it back like a champ but got to the point she had to get up and walk out. People thought she was crying.

 

[me_grag]

Anothr one I just remembred. I took a trip from Munich through Austria and down into Italy just before I got out of the Army. We, army buddy and I,ended up in Rome. No street signs, rush hour traffic etc. etc. Remember the comedy routine where people in a traffic jam bump each other and jump out and argue until traffic moves and get back in their car and drive off? Saw this first hand in a traffic circle in Rome with 6 cars wide in lanes marked off for 4.

 

[Carl Pickens]

Me and a friend were fishing on the Caney Fork early one morning and a hardcore fly fisherman came by in all of his Orvis gear... he stopped and talked to us a minute or two and then started on his way.... he was in about a foot and a half of water and started slipping and stumbling and “splash”.... he goes down flat on his back. He jumped up and let out a yell .... the 59 degree water sure is cold at 6:30 in the morning.... we laughed... he laughed .... then off he went.... well about 3 hours later we were further down stream and we noticed he was up on the top of the river bank walking back upstream towards us.... when he got to us...... he started to walk down the bank and .... slipped on the slick bank... busted his ass.... and pulled a mini Romancing The Stone.... he was sliding down the sloped bank trying to grab onto something but slid right down to the edge of the river where the root balls of the trees are.... and then right over the edge and down about six feet to the river bed.... he landed flat on his back again and when he hit he let out a loud “uggh!”..... by now me and my friend had downed a bit of whiskey and may or may not have burned one..... we started laughing like hell....like one of those laughing fits that make your stomach hurt.... I pulled it together somewhat and said “hey man are you ok”....... he yelled back “F you!”..... that set us off again ... we laughed so hard... he was walking off and I let out a loud “ugggh!”.... and we were out of control again. That poor guy busted it twice and it was awesome

 

[me_grag]

Reminds me of a camping trip. We were camped right off the entrance road to the campground on a dead end access road. A truck with a yapping dog, an unhappy wife and a determined boater pulling his boat asked about a place to camp. We told him before he turned on to the dead end access that there were no sites available as we had all but one taken and were saving a place for someone on the way to join us. Apparently he did not believe us and ended up at the end of the road with no place to turn around. The yapping dog and the unhappy wife were visibly upset and vocal. The kicker was when he decided to unhitch his boat and turn it around by himself. He ended up over the hill chasing his boat toward the lake. Fortunately there was a small thicket to stop the boat. I had slept in and was at the camp with 3or 4 ladies fixing breakfast, so we were no help as we were on the ground laughing. When he started cussing we warned him there would be no help when our friends returned if the cussin didnt stop. That set off another barrage and we laughed even harder and louder. The still yapping dog and unhappy wife just added to the fun of it . Same trip a lady friend was stepping off the boat in what she thought was shallow water with a drink in one hand and cigarette in the other. Her eyes were the size of silver dollars when she disappeared underwater. All we saw was a drink and cigarette sticking up out of the water; not a drop spilled and the cig was still dry and burning when she came back up and got out of the water. We gave her a big round of applause.

 

[GVF]

I got one I saw of myself. Trout fishing up on Citico Creek. I finished fishing a hole and decided to sit on a rock and clean my trout. Water was about knee deep off the rock, so my feet were on the bottom. I was rinsing my trout after cleaning and when I pulled it up out of the water a snake was gripped tightly on the tail and came up between my legs with the trout. (Apparently, it was under the edge of the rock I sat on and I put my leg right in front of it). Well, with a very loud and inhuman noise, that snake and trout went roughly 10 foot out into the middle of the stream. Which in retrospect wasn't a bad flip of a 5 foot snake holding my trout. He must have been scared too and let go. About 50 yards down stream at another hole, I got my trout back floating against the bank.

 

[me_grag]

I got one I saw of myself. Trout fishing up on Citico Creek. I finished fishing a hole and decided to sit on a rock and clean my trout. Water was about knee deep off the rock, so my feet were on the bottom. I was rinsing my trout after cleaning and when I pulled it up out of the water a snake was gripped tightly on the tail and came up between my legs with the trout. (Apparently, it was under the edge of the rock I sat on and I put my leg right in front of it). Well, with a very loud and inhuman noise, that snake and trout went roughly 10 foot out into the middle of the stream. Which in retrospect wasn't a bad flip of a 5 foot snake holding my trout. He must have been scared too and let go. About 50 yards down stream at another hole, I got my trout back floating against the bank.

I pulled a stringer out of a pond with a fish attached one day. I let the snake have the fish. All of them!

 

[volsknx]

Fishing down at Lake Guntersville in a flat bottom boat. Crappie fishing and wearing them out! Pulled boat to bank for lunch and left stringer tied to boat. After about an hour or later, we came back to boat. Cranked up that old 5 or 10 hp engine and went to pull stringer up. All that was on the stringer was about 10-12 crappie heads!! Turtle feasted that day.