just a little funny................

#1
la.lovesorange

la.lovesorange

Go Vols!!!!!!!
Joined
Feb 15, 2004
Messages
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#1

>>> >> >FARWOOD
>>> >> >
>>> >> >"Hello, is this here the sheriff's office?" "Yes. What can I do
>>> >> >for you?"
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin'
>>> >> >holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
>>> >> >
>>> >> >"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >The next day, the sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's
>>> >> >house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
>>> >> >
>>> >> >The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is
>>> >> >Floyd. Did the sheriff come?"
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >"Yeah!"
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >"Did they split yer farwood?"
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> > "Yep!"
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >Happy Birthday, buddy!"
>>> >> >
>>> >> >
>>> >> >(Who says rednecks aren't real bright?!) :p



 
#10
#10
Here's one...
The preacher was preaching about forgiveness last Sunday and he asked his congregation by a show of hands how many had trouble forgiving their enemies? Everyone but one little old lady(age 98) raised their hands. The preacher walked to Ms. Johnson's pew and said "Dear lady could you come to the front of the church and share with the rest of us how you are able to forgive your enemies?" She agreed and walked to the front of the church , turned around and said "It's quite simple for me , I just out lived the bitches."
 
#11
#11
(volmanjr @ Apr 6 said:
Here's one...
The preacher was preaching about forgiveness last Sunday and he asked his congregation by a show of hands how many had trouble forgiving their enemies? Everyone but one little old lady(age 98) raised their hands. The preacher walked to Ms. Johnson's pew and said "Dear lady could you come to the front of the church and share with the rest of us how you are able to forgive your enemies?" She agreed and walked to the front of the church , turned around and said "It's quite simple for me , I just out lived the bitches."
Click to expand...

Amen!!!!!! :D :D :D
 
#12
#12
A lady goes into the drug store and asks the Pharmacist for a dose of cyanide. He tells her, " I can't do that lady, they would arrest us both and I 'd lose my job." The lady begs one more time, "I really need a dose of cyanide." "Look Lady I just can't. What do you need cyanide for any way?" The lady pulls out a picture and hands it to him, it is a picture of her husband in bed with his wife "Why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"
 
#14
#14
HARRY THE BETTING MAN


> Bill's friend Harry arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit
> accompanied by his attorney. Going over his records, the IRS official
> said,
> "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your
> reported employment income. How do you explain that?"
>
> Before the attorney could speak, Harry replied, "I love to gamble and I
> usually win."
>
> The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look.
>
> "I can prove it," said Harry. "How about a demonstration?"
>
> The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
>
> Harry said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
> The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!"
> Harry removed his glass eye and bit it. The official's jaw dropped.
>
> Harry said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
> other
> eye."
>
> The official could tell Harry wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Harry then
> removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned official was now
> three grand in the hole!
>
> "Want to go double or nothing?" Harry asked.
>
> "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss
> into that waste-basket by the door over there and never get a drop
> anywhere
> in between."
>
> The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy
> could manage that stunt, so he agreed again!
>
> Harry climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely,
> and pretty much pissed all over the desk. The official grinned. He had
> just
> turned a huge loss into a huge win!
>
> But then he noticed that Harry's attorney looked ashen and was
> visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked.
>
> The lawyer replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Harry bet me twenty
> thousand dollars he'd piss on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
 
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