Legal Parent Help

#1
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LIvol

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#1
Evening everybody, i just found out on Thursday that I am going to be a father. The tears of happiness were real but the fear of the unknown are creeping up. I live in New York and would like some advice/help. I have a meeting with an attorney on Wednesday to find out my rights as a father. We were never married so that is one hurdle but she has already told me she wants to be home with the baby for a year and will dictate when I can see her. She is naming the child both first middle and last name, which I think is tough to hear.

Every person I have spoken to says you need to find out all of your rights as a father but I am not sure what all that means. Can she leave me out of the Entire process until the child is born? Am I not entitled to knowledge of doctors appointments and even being present in the birth?

I am just not sure of all the questions to ask and what I need to make sure I am aware of (other then is she going to be a Vols alumni/fan just like her father).

Thanks to everyone who read this and to anyone who comments.
 
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#2
#2
LIvol said:
Evening everybody, i just found out on Thursday that I am going to be a father. The tears of happiness were real but the fear of the unknown are creeping up. I live in New York and would like some advice/help. I have a meeting with an attorney on Wednesday to find out my rights as a father. We were never married so that is one hurdle but she has already told me she wants to be home with the baby for a year and will dictate when I can see her. She is naming the child both first middle and last name, which I think is tough to hear.

Every person I have spoken to says you need to find out all of your rights as a father but I am not sure what all that means. Can she leave me out of the Entire process until the child is born? Am I not entitled to knowledge of doctors appointments and even being present in the birth?

I am just not sure of all the questions to ask and what I need to make sure I am aware of (other then is she going to be a Vols alumni/fan just like her father).

Thanks to everyone who read this and to anyone who comments.
Click to expand...
I can’t offer any legal advice, but wanted to tell you best of luck. Congratulations on becoming a father also.
 
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#3
#3
LIvol said:
Evening everybody, i just found out on Thursday that I am going to be a father. The tears of happiness were real but the fear of the unknown are creeping up. I live in New York and would like some advice/help. I have a meeting with an attorney on Wednesday to find out my rights as a father. We were never married so that is one hurdle but she has already told me she wants to be home with the baby for a year and will dictate when I can see her. She is naming the child both first middle and last name, which I think is tough to hear.

Every person I have spoken to says you need to find out all of your rights as a father but I am not sure what all that means. Can she leave me out of the Entire process until the child is born? Am I not entitled to knowledge of doctors appointments and even being present in the birth?

I am just not sure of all the questions to ask and what I need to make sure I am aware of (other then is she going to be a Vols alumni/fan just like her father).

Thanks to everyone who read this and to anyone who comments.
Click to expand...

-Do you both live in NY?
-You mentioned her wanting to stay home for a year, does she have insurance for that? Is she asking for financial assistance from you?
-A big issue if she is giving you any trouble, could be proof legally that it’s yours.

There are lots of good resources on Google that talk about rights. Again, if unwed I think things usually lean more toward the mother. Each states laws are a little different
 
#5
#5
Yes we do
C/O said:
-Do you both live in NY?
-You mentioned her wanting to stay home for a year, does she have insurance for that? Is she asking for financial assistance from you?
-A big issue if she is giving you any trouble, could be proof legally that it’s yours.

There are lots of good resources on Google that talk about rights. Again, if unwed I think things usually lean more toward the mother. Each states laws are a little different
Click to expand...

Yes we do

She is not asking for a dime and staying on her insurance but that might change when she decides she wants some of my money.

It is mine as we were together when the baby was conceived although I only found out recently which is not my favorite thing.

I googled and it was mostly adds for lawyers So I figured I would ask
 
#7
#7
BigOrangeMojo said:
Not to be an a$$ but I'd wanna make sure its yours...
Click to expand...
A different situation, but:

Second marriage for both husband and me, both of us with grown kids of our own, none together. (We are OLD.) We are now working with an estate attorney to clarify and get in writing how we want things to happen when we die, to make things fair among all five kids and avoid any misunderstandings and hurt feelings. We trust each other, and we each trust all five kids, but getting things legally nailed down prevents a lot of ya-ya-ya and general paranoia.

Get. A. Lawyer.

And yes, ask (through your attorney, and politely) for a paternity test. This is important for the kid as well. At a minimum, I would insist on (if you want it) your paternal rights as to visitation and involvement in the kid’s upbringing. Think long and hard about this: this is a FOREVER thing. Weekends, alternate holidays, PTA meetings, teenager turning up at your door and demanding to move in. Parenting ain’t easy, but it can be the most rewarding thing that ever happens to you.

Best of luck to all THREE of you.
 
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#8
#8
who is the lawyer on the board in Florida, he has been through some things like this? not lg, we want actual legal advice. sorry lg, but you are a gator fan
 
#12
#12
LIvol said:
Yes we do


Yes we do

She is not asking for a dime and staying on her insurance but that might change when she decides she wants some of my money.

It is mine as we were together when the baby was conceived although I only found out recently which is not my favorite thing.

I googled and it was mostly adds for lawyers So I figured I would ask
Click to expand...

If she's claiming it's yours than you need to know to know for sure, if she's making demands.

There is "during pregnancy" non-invasive paternity testing.

Yes. Get a lawyer.
And as far as being there during the checkups. Doctor visits, that's at the womans discretion to allow you there. and medical staff cannot divulge info if she doesn't consent.
 
#13
#13
Congrats man, welcome to fatherhood. I hope it winds up being a blessing for all concerned.

That said I'm not a lawyer and don't know NY laws, but we deal with some of that in my job. #1 GET A LAWYER. No matter what you do get a lawyer, a: to protect and exercise your rights & b: to protect yourself. #2 in Ga in order to have any rights outside of marriage you MUST be legitimized. My understanding is as long as child is in her body you have 0 rights, and she gets naming rights. Once its born and legitimized you can file for your visitation and other rights once it's safe for the child. A local lawyer will know all the specifics for your state.

Good luck and once again Congratulations
 
#15
#15
Most states have a good bit of help and rights for dads nowadays. Didn't used to be that way and moms got whatever they wanted and dads got hosed. Get a NY lawyer and talk to him about your options. Usually you get a free consultation. You will probably be left out of doctor appointments prior to birth. If you want to be part of the process, you'll need permission from the mother. Not being married clouds the whole thing most of the time. You will need DNA proof, but getting it is going to obviously make the mother mad. You also won't be able to get it until after the birth. It sounds like she is already lining up to be difficult in all of this, so be ready for a hard way to go. Good luck.
 
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