TennNC
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From The Onion
Nov. 26, 2008
Indianapolis, IN -- All 342 Division I Schools in the National Collegiate Athletic Association have formally conceded the 2008-09 men's basketball championship to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. The concession was announced late Tuesday night after the Tar Heels defeated the Oregon Ducks 178-45 in the semifinals of the Maui Invitational.
"I'm kinda shocked, honestly," said UNC-Ch head coach Roy Williams. "I was sippin' on a Coke and eatin' a Moon Pie when I got the word. I guess we scared off everyone else. Perhaps we shoulda put Jack Wooten in earlier in the game."
Oregon guard Tajuan Porter supported the move. "I was hoping they'd make the announcement before our game. Those guys were guarding me as if it were the Final Four. I mean, as soon as I got past the halfcourt line, I just started chucking it up there, 'cause I knew we weren't getting any better shots than that." Porter finished the game 1 for 37 from behind the arc.
Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl agreed. "They could field a team with guys who have 'Ty' in their name and still beat half the teams in our conference."
The last time such a vote was put to NCAA members was in 1991, when the UNLV Runnin' Rebels, featuring 8 soon-to-be-NBA-stars-who-never-attended-a-college-class, were undefeated heading into the NCAA finals. 341 schools agreed to concede that championship to UNLV -- the lone NCAA school to dissent was Duke, who was so obnoxiously arrogant that they thought they could beat UNLV. As if.
This season, a concession petition was circulated by Kentucky coach Billy Gillispie after the Wildcats' embarrassing defeat a week earlier at the Dean Dome, even though UNC-Ch starters and stars Tyler Hansbrough and Marcus Ginyard were not dressed out due to injuries. But formalizing the act was delayed because the NCAA committee could not get the signature of Duke head coach Mike Krsysczwesvkewszcsky. Inside sources say Assistant Coach Nate James used hypnosis to lure the coach into signing.
"We know what happened last time they had talent like this," said James. "Listen, I'm a Duke man, first and foremost. But even I know we don't need anymore broken, bloody noses. That's not good for the game."
Also conceded to the Tar Heels were the regular season and conference tournaments for the ACC, SEC, Big 10, Big 12, Pac-10, Atlantic 10, Southern, Big South, Mountain West, Big East, and Colonial conferences, as well as the NBA's Eastern Conference championship.
The 2008-09 season will still continue, though no game has any meaning beyond bragging rights.
Nov. 26, 2008
Indianapolis, IN -- All 342 Division I Schools in the National Collegiate Athletic Association have formally conceded the 2008-09 men's basketball championship to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. The concession was announced late Tuesday night after the Tar Heels defeated the Oregon Ducks 178-45 in the semifinals of the Maui Invitational.
"I'm kinda shocked, honestly," said UNC-Ch head coach Roy Williams. "I was sippin' on a Coke and eatin' a Moon Pie when I got the word. I guess we scared off everyone else. Perhaps we shoulda put Jack Wooten in earlier in the game."
Oregon guard Tajuan Porter supported the move. "I was hoping they'd make the announcement before our game. Those guys were guarding me as if it were the Final Four. I mean, as soon as I got past the halfcourt line, I just started chucking it up there, 'cause I knew we weren't getting any better shots than that." Porter finished the game 1 for 37 from behind the arc.
Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl agreed. "They could field a team with guys who have 'Ty' in their name and still beat half the teams in our conference."
The last time such a vote was put to NCAA members was in 1991, when the UNLV Runnin' Rebels, featuring 8 soon-to-be-NBA-stars-who-never-attended-a-college-class, were undefeated heading into the NCAA finals. 341 schools agreed to concede that championship to UNLV -- the lone NCAA school to dissent was Duke, who was so obnoxiously arrogant that they thought they could beat UNLV. As if.
This season, a concession petition was circulated by Kentucky coach Billy Gillispie after the Wildcats' embarrassing defeat a week earlier at the Dean Dome, even though UNC-Ch starters and stars Tyler Hansbrough and Marcus Ginyard were not dressed out due to injuries. But formalizing the act was delayed because the NCAA committee could not get the signature of Duke head coach Mike Krsysczwesvkewszcsky. Inside sources say Assistant Coach Nate James used hypnosis to lure the coach into signing.
"We know what happened last time they had talent like this," said James. "Listen, I'm a Duke man, first and foremost. But even I know we don't need anymore broken, bloody noses. That's not good for the game."
Also conceded to the Tar Heels were the regular season and conference tournaments for the ACC, SEC, Big 10, Big 12, Pac-10, Atlantic 10, Southern, Big South, Mountain West, Big East, and Colonial conferences, as well as the NBA's Eastern Conference championship.
The 2008-09 season will still continue, though no game has any meaning beyond bragging rights.
