Official Kentucky Joke Thread

#1
TnScooby

TnScooby

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#1
Got a good Kentucky joke? Here's a couple to get it started:

Q. How do you keep a Kentucky Wildcat out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts.

Q. How many Kentucky Wildcats does it take to win a SEC Football Championship?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!
 
#2
#2
A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "Bout what?"


Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery?

The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
 
#3
#3
A Kentuckian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"


Two Kentuckians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."

"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"

"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmm ... five?"
 
#4
#4
A KY fan walks into the store and says "i'd like some Jim Beam"

The clerk looks at him and says "You from Kentucky, aren't you?"

The KY fan says "Why do you say that? What kind of prejudiced BS is that?"

Then he goes on "If I asked for tequila, would you ask if I was a Mexican?"

The clerk says 'Nope"

"If I asked for Vodka, would you ask if I was a Russian?"

THe clerk says "Nope"

"The why, when I asked for Jim Beam, did you ask if I was from Kentucky?"

The clerk looks at him and says "Because this is a hardware store".
 
#8
#8
What do you say to the former star Kentucky football player that is standing on your front porch?



Nothing, you pay him for the pizza, and shut the door.
Posted via VolNation Mobile
 
#9
#9
A UK student walks into a bar and spots a cute little blonde sitting there all by her lonesome. He gathers up his courage and saunters on over to her, trying to strike up a conversation.

"Can I buy you a drank" he asks?

"Sure" the little cute coed purrs.

"I can tell by the way you talk that you ain't from around here, are you?' he asks the cute little blonde.

"No I am not, I am in town visiting my cousin." she replies. "

I go to school at the University Of Kentucky," he proudly proclaims, puffing out his chest with pride. "Do you go to school anyware?"

"Yale" the cute little blonde says.


"DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL ANYWARE?"

Thats all I got......
 
#10
#10
Two UK football players are in their car, screaming down I-75, when they get pulled over by a Tennessee State Trooper. Officer gets out of his squad car, takes his time walking up to the drivers' side window, and finds it shut. He knocks on the glass, the driver rolls down the window.....and the officer reaches in and punched the driver in the side of the head. The driver is dumbfounded, and asks the officer
"The **** did you do that fer??"

The officer calmly responds "Boy, here in the fine state of Tennessee, when an officer of the law pulls you over, you have your window down, and your license, registration, and proof of insurance in hand and ready for him when he gets to your vehicle." The UK grad decides that discretion is the better part of valor, and agrees with the officer, and claims ignorance of the rules. The officer walks back to his squad car, writes out the ticket, and comes back. He gives the driver his ticket, then walks to the passenger side of the car and taps on the glass. The passenger rolls down his window, and BLAM, the officer punched the guy directly in the ear. The passenger is flabbergasted, and yells at the officer "THE HECK DID YA DO THAT FER?? I AIN'T EVEN DRIVIN!!!" The officer responds "Boy, I'm just givin' you your wish!!!"

"My wish???"




"Yeah, that's for when you get five miles down the road and tell your buddy here 'I wish that SOB would have tried punching ME in the head!!'"
 
#11
#11
Once upon a time there was a UK football team that was beaten for 25 years. The only way they could try to motivate their players was to make alot of shirts with 517 on them.
 
#13
#13
Know why Kentucky uses natural grass in their football stadium?....So their cheerleaders can graze at halftime.
 
#14
#14
Q: How is Kentucky football like the TSA?

A: Both are groping for something they can't have.
 
#16
#16
JimBeamVolsFan said:
Two UK football players are in their car, screaming down I-75, when they get pulled over by a Tennessee State Trooper. Officer gets out of his squad car, takes his time walking up to the drivers' side window, and finds it shut. He knocks on the glass, the driver rolls down the window.....and the officer reaches in and punched the driver in the side of the head. The driver is dumbfounded, and asks the officer
"The **** did you do that fer??"

The officer calmly responds "Boy, here in the fine state of Tennessee, when an officer of the law pulls you over, you have your window down, and your license, registration, and proof of insurance in hand and ready for him when he gets to your vehicle." The UK grad decides that discretion is the better part of valor, and agrees with the officer, and claims ignorance of the rules. The officer walks back to his squad car, writes out the ticket, and comes back. He gives the driver his ticket, then walks to the passenger side of the car and taps on the glass. The passenger rolls down his window, and BLAM, the officer punched the guy directly in the ear. The passenger is flabbergasted, and yells at the officer "THE HECK DID YA DO THAT FER?? I AIN'T EVEN DRIVIN!!!" The officer responds "Boy, I'm just givin' you your wish!!!"

"My wish???"




"Yeah, that's for when you get five miles down the road and tell your buddy here 'I wish that SOB would have tried punching ME in the head!!'"
Click to expand...

Ha! Awesome!
 
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