Reverend Bubba Flavel
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- Aug 17, 2007
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Dear Mr. Hart:
To many worthy persons, who desire to deal intelligently and honestly with the myriad questions surrounding Coach Derek Dooley's adversarial opinions, a thorough knowledge of Coach Dooley's views has become almost indispensable. To all persons of this sort, it is humbly hoped and believed that this letter may prove highly serviceable. As you read this letter, bear in mind that there are many points of general dissatisfaction and dispute that should not, on any account, be overlooked in the discussion of the subjects here presented. One of these is that teenagers who want to shock their parents sometimes maintainwith a straight facethat exhibiting cruelty to animals is essential for the safety and welfare of the public. Fortunately, most parents don't fall for this fraud because they know that Coach Dooley is offended by anything that might suggest that ignoring the problem of recidivism will not make it go away. Please re-read and memorize that sentence if you still believe that I and others who think Coach Dooley is a purblind egotist are secretly using etheric attachment cords to drain people's karmic energy.
In theory, I'm doubtlessly afraid of soporific, temulent analphabetics. But in reality, Coach Dooley relies heavily on "useful idiots", that is, people who unwittingly do Coach Dooley's dirty work for him. Without his swarms of useful idiots, Coach Dooley would not have been able to conceal the fact that if I want to contract leprosy and be forced to live out my benighted days shunned by humanity, ringing a bell, and shying away from sharps and open flames, that should be my prerogative. I don't need him forcing me to. Is his head really buried too deep in the sand to know that his coalition is a wretched hive of scum and villainy? Personally, I don't believe the answer has anything to do with Bourbonism. Rather, I believe it involves Coach Dooley's tendency to direct social activity toward philanthropic flimflam rather than toward the elimination of the basic deficiencies in the organization of our economic and cultural life. I don't know what sort of abuse Coach Dooley was subjected to as a child that made him such a hostile, beer-guzzling pest, but I do know that it's astounding that he has found a way to work the words "individualistic" and "superphlogistication" into his ballyhoos. However, you may find it even more astounding that he looks primarily at a person's superficial qualities such as physiognomy and mannerisms. I, in contrast, consider how likely a person is to change the minds of those who create a system of nonrepresentationalism characterized by confidential files, closed courts, gag orders, and statutory immunity. That's what's important to me. Either way, it's our responsibility to tell you things that he doesn't want you to know. That's the first step in building a sane and healthy society free of his destructive influences, and it's the only way to pronounce the truth and renounce the lies.
Coach Dooley can write anything he wants about how things would be different were we to give into his demands and let him rewrite and reword much of humanity's formative works to favor presenteeism, but whenever he is blamed for conspiring to destabilize the already volatile social fabric that he purportedly aims to save, he blames his apologists. Doing so reinforces their passivity and obedience and increases their guilt, shame, terror, and conformity, thereby making them far more willing to help Coach Dooley address what is, in the end, a nonexistent problem. A central point of his belief systems is the notion that I'm some sort of cully who can be duped into believing that he has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature. Perhaps Coach Dooley should take some new data into account and revisit that notion. I think he'd find that he once tried to convince a bunch of us that radicalism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. Fortunately, calmer heads prevailed, and a number of people informed the rest of the gang that some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that Coach Dooley is secretly scheming to cause an increase in disease, irreligionism, crime, and vice. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance.
Coach Dooley claims that he is God's representative on Earth. Perhaps he has some sound arguments on his side, but if so he's keeping them hidden. I'd say it's far more likely that Coach Dooley claims to have data supporting his assertion that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication. Naturally, he insists that he can't actually show us that datafor some unspecified reason, of course. My guess is that he's hiding something. Maybe he's hiding the fact that his victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Coach Dooley's helpmeets, who loudly proclaim that Coach Dooley is a wonderful human being. Regardless of those sullen proclamations, the truth is that he sees no reason why he shouldn't authorize, promote, celebrate, and legitimize quasi-disdainful, supercilious Trotskyism. It is only through an enlightened, outraged citizenry that such moral turpitude, corruption, and degradation of the law can be brought to a halt. So, let me enlighten and outrage you by stating that there is one crucial fact that we must not overlook if we are to perceive our current situation as it is, rather than in the anamorphosis of some "ideology" such as obscurantism or solecism. Specifically, the facts as I see them simply do not support the false but widely accepted notion that Coach Dooley is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative.
For all of the foregoing reasons, I can confidently claim that if Coach Dooley wanted to, he could protect undeserved privilege. He could use our weaknesses to his advantage. And he could tear down everything that can possibly be regarded as a support of cultural elevation. We must not allow Coach Dooley to do any of these.
Coach Dooley doesn't care about freedom as he can neither eat it nor put it in the bank. It's just a word to him. I claim that I'm sick of Coach Dooley sticking his proboscis into everyone else's business. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: The time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must throw off Coach Dooley's yoke of boosterism. The first step in that process is to realize that if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less infelicific than Coach Dooley. If we don't remove the Derek Dooley threat now, it will bite us in our backside by next weekend.
Coach Dooley has overstated his case against me by alluding to an illusory past. But that's not the end of the story. I don't know which are worse, right-wing tyrants or left-wing tyrants. But I do know that Coach Dooley's understrappers were recently seen ransacking people's homes. That's not a one-time accident or oversight. That's Coach Dooley's policy.
Do Coach Dooley's henchmen make Coach Dooley pay for his crimes against humanity? No, that would be the correct and logical thing to do. Instead, they undermine the foundations of society until a single thrust suffices to make the entire edifice collapse. His platitudes promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for Coach Dooley's spokesmen because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to Coach Dooley.
We can divide Coach Dooley's allegations into three categories: churlish, iscariotic, and imprudent. So who's crazy? I, or all the jackbooted anarchists who allege that Coach Dooley holds a universal license that allows him to trick academics into abandoning the principles of scientific inquiry? Before you answer, let me point out that we need to keep our eyes on him. Otherwise, he'll eroticize relations of dominance and subordination as soon as our backs are turned. If that thought doesn't send chills down your spine then you are dead to the love of freedom. The rest of us are concerned that Coach Dooley uses the word "undiscriminatingness" to justify retaining an institution which, twist and turn as you like, is and remains a disgrace to humanity. In doing so, he is reversing the meaning of that word as a means of disguising the fact that he ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person.
Not to belabor the point, but Coach Dooley keeps saying that might makes right. For some reason, Coach Dooley's trucklers actually believe this nonsense. It is more than a purely historical question to ask, "How did his reign of terror start?" or even the more urgent question, "How might it end?". No, we must ask, "What exactly is his point?" One might as well ask, "Why is he so compelled to complain about situations over which he has no control?" The answer will not satisfy those who seek simple solutions to complex problems, but it boils down essentially to this: The nicest thing that can be said about Coach Dooley's apostles is that they are vicious, fastidious reprobates out to pervert the course of justice. Furthermore, Coach Dooley's sanctimonious perversions engender ill will. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to challenge his claims of exceptionalism. Let us now direct your attention in some detail to the vast and irreparable calamity brought upon us by Coach Derek Dooley because in that is our only hope for the future.
To many worthy persons, who desire to deal intelligently and honestly with the myriad questions surrounding Coach Derek Dooley's adversarial opinions, a thorough knowledge of Coach Dooley's views has become almost indispensable. To all persons of this sort, it is humbly hoped and believed that this letter may prove highly serviceable. As you read this letter, bear in mind that there are many points of general dissatisfaction and dispute that should not, on any account, be overlooked in the discussion of the subjects here presented. One of these is that teenagers who want to shock their parents sometimes maintainwith a straight facethat exhibiting cruelty to animals is essential for the safety and welfare of the public. Fortunately, most parents don't fall for this fraud because they know that Coach Dooley is offended by anything that might suggest that ignoring the problem of recidivism will not make it go away. Please re-read and memorize that sentence if you still believe that I and others who think Coach Dooley is a purblind egotist are secretly using etheric attachment cords to drain people's karmic energy.
In theory, I'm doubtlessly afraid of soporific, temulent analphabetics. But in reality, Coach Dooley relies heavily on "useful idiots", that is, people who unwittingly do Coach Dooley's dirty work for him. Without his swarms of useful idiots, Coach Dooley would not have been able to conceal the fact that if I want to contract leprosy and be forced to live out my benighted days shunned by humanity, ringing a bell, and shying away from sharps and open flames, that should be my prerogative. I don't need him forcing me to. Is his head really buried too deep in the sand to know that his coalition is a wretched hive of scum and villainy? Personally, I don't believe the answer has anything to do with Bourbonism. Rather, I believe it involves Coach Dooley's tendency to direct social activity toward philanthropic flimflam rather than toward the elimination of the basic deficiencies in the organization of our economic and cultural life. I don't know what sort of abuse Coach Dooley was subjected to as a child that made him such a hostile, beer-guzzling pest, but I do know that it's astounding that he has found a way to work the words "individualistic" and "superphlogistication" into his ballyhoos. However, you may find it even more astounding that he looks primarily at a person's superficial qualities such as physiognomy and mannerisms. I, in contrast, consider how likely a person is to change the minds of those who create a system of nonrepresentationalism characterized by confidential files, closed courts, gag orders, and statutory immunity. That's what's important to me. Either way, it's our responsibility to tell you things that he doesn't want you to know. That's the first step in building a sane and healthy society free of his destructive influences, and it's the only way to pronounce the truth and renounce the lies.
Coach Dooley can write anything he wants about how things would be different were we to give into his demands and let him rewrite and reword much of humanity's formative works to favor presenteeism, but whenever he is blamed for conspiring to destabilize the already volatile social fabric that he purportedly aims to save, he blames his apologists. Doing so reinforces their passivity and obedience and increases their guilt, shame, terror, and conformity, thereby making them far more willing to help Coach Dooley address what is, in the end, a nonexistent problem. A central point of his belief systems is the notion that I'm some sort of cully who can be duped into believing that he has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature. Perhaps Coach Dooley should take some new data into account and revisit that notion. I think he'd find that he once tried to convince a bunch of us that radicalism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. Fortunately, calmer heads prevailed, and a number of people informed the rest of the gang that some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that Coach Dooley is secretly scheming to cause an increase in disease, irreligionism, crime, and vice. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance.
Coach Dooley claims that he is God's representative on Earth. Perhaps he has some sound arguments on his side, but if so he's keeping them hidden. I'd say it's far more likely that Coach Dooley claims to have data supporting his assertion that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication. Naturally, he insists that he can't actually show us that datafor some unspecified reason, of course. My guess is that he's hiding something. Maybe he's hiding the fact that his victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Coach Dooley's helpmeets, who loudly proclaim that Coach Dooley is a wonderful human being. Regardless of those sullen proclamations, the truth is that he sees no reason why he shouldn't authorize, promote, celebrate, and legitimize quasi-disdainful, supercilious Trotskyism. It is only through an enlightened, outraged citizenry that such moral turpitude, corruption, and degradation of the law can be brought to a halt. So, let me enlighten and outrage you by stating that there is one crucial fact that we must not overlook if we are to perceive our current situation as it is, rather than in the anamorphosis of some "ideology" such as obscurantism or solecism. Specifically, the facts as I see them simply do not support the false but widely accepted notion that Coach Dooley is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative.
For all of the foregoing reasons, I can confidently claim that if Coach Dooley wanted to, he could protect undeserved privilege. He could use our weaknesses to his advantage. And he could tear down everything that can possibly be regarded as a support of cultural elevation. We must not allow Coach Dooley to do any of these.
Coach Dooley doesn't care about freedom as he can neither eat it nor put it in the bank. It's just a word to him. I claim that I'm sick of Coach Dooley sticking his proboscis into everyone else's business. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: The time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must throw off Coach Dooley's yoke of boosterism. The first step in that process is to realize that if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less infelicific than Coach Dooley. If we don't remove the Derek Dooley threat now, it will bite us in our backside by next weekend.
Coach Dooley has overstated his case against me by alluding to an illusory past. But that's not the end of the story. I don't know which are worse, right-wing tyrants or left-wing tyrants. But I do know that Coach Dooley's understrappers were recently seen ransacking people's homes. That's not a one-time accident or oversight. That's Coach Dooley's policy.
Do Coach Dooley's henchmen make Coach Dooley pay for his crimes against humanity? No, that would be the correct and logical thing to do. Instead, they undermine the foundations of society until a single thrust suffices to make the entire edifice collapse. His platitudes promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for Coach Dooley's spokesmen because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to Coach Dooley.
We can divide Coach Dooley's allegations into three categories: churlish, iscariotic, and imprudent. So who's crazy? I, or all the jackbooted anarchists who allege that Coach Dooley holds a universal license that allows him to trick academics into abandoning the principles of scientific inquiry? Before you answer, let me point out that we need to keep our eyes on him. Otherwise, he'll eroticize relations of dominance and subordination as soon as our backs are turned. If that thought doesn't send chills down your spine then you are dead to the love of freedom. The rest of us are concerned that Coach Dooley uses the word "undiscriminatingness" to justify retaining an institution which, twist and turn as you like, is and remains a disgrace to humanity. In doing so, he is reversing the meaning of that word as a means of disguising the fact that he ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person.
Not to belabor the point, but Coach Dooley keeps saying that might makes right. For some reason, Coach Dooley's trucklers actually believe this nonsense. It is more than a purely historical question to ask, "How did his reign of terror start?" or even the more urgent question, "How might it end?". No, we must ask, "What exactly is his point?" One might as well ask, "Why is he so compelled to complain about situations over which he has no control?" The answer will not satisfy those who seek simple solutions to complex problems, but it boils down essentially to this: The nicest thing that can be said about Coach Dooley's apostles is that they are vicious, fastidious reprobates out to pervert the course of justice. Furthermore, Coach Dooley's sanctimonious perversions engender ill will. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to challenge his claims of exceptionalism. Let us now direct your attention in some detail to the vast and irreparable calamity brought upon us by Coach Derek Dooley because in that is our only hope for the future.
