Processing a Tragedy

#1
n_huffhines

n_huffhines

What's it gonna cost?
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#1
This went down yesterday, and I'm reeling a little today. This Dad murder-suicided his whole family seemingly because his wife was divorcing him.

Utah Family of 8, Including 5 Children, Found Shot Dead in Their Home: A 'Senseless Tragedy'

I knew the guy in HS. He was so nice, religious, and unlike most of us, he was actually an adult when he graduated HS. A lot can happen in a few decades, but by all accounts coming out so far, he was still the same guy.

I don't know how to process this. Like how does somebody like him become this guy? I don't know what to do, not that there is necessarily anything to do. People in my hometown are totally shook. Nobody knows what to do. I keep thinking about the responders whose lives will never be the same after yesterday. I probably know some of them and I feel so much sadness for them.
 
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#4
#4
People have their limits. Everyone's limit and amount is different.

Often when the "good" ones break it's a lot worse as there may be more built up to cause the break, or they dont know how to handle it. Who knows though. Incredibly sad.

Only advice I could offer is being willing to talk, and probably more importantly listen, to people going through rough times. Even if they seem to be handling it fine, give them a 1 on 1 chance to vent. Even if it's just a friendly lunch or dinner, or walk, or beer, whatever, give them a chance to open up and be there for them. Most times you cant fix anything, but giving them a healthy out and a caring ear can make a world of difference. It was for me. Give them the time they need to open up and discuss it, dont minimize or downplay, phrases like"I understand how you feel that way", can help.
 
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#6
#6
n_huffhines said:
This went down yesterday, and I'm reeling a little today. This Dad murder-suicided his whole family seemingly because his wife was divorcing him.

Utah Family of 8, Including 5 Children, Found Shot Dead in Their Home: A 'Senseless Tragedy'

I knew the guy in HS. He was so nice, religious, and unlike most of us, he was actually an adult when he graduated HS. A lot can happen in a few decades, but by all accounts coming out so far, he was still the same guy.

I don't know how to process this. Like how does somebody like him become this guy? I don't know what to do, not that there is necessarily anything to do. People in my hometown are totally shook. Nobody knows what to do. I keep thinking about the responders whose lives will never be the same after yesterday. I probably know some of them and I feel so much sadness for them.
Click to expand...

You never know what is going on behind the closed doors of a home.
 
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#7
#7
If you believe in a literal devil, you should believe that his job is to make you look really, really stupid on the way out. Once in a while he gets a big win.
 
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#8
#8
A few years ago a guy I went to school with stabbed his wife in front of his kids and then shot himself. I hadn't talked to him in a long time but I remember that feeling as I read the news reports. It's very strange
 
#9
#9
Unfortunately, these kinds of murder/suicide acts within a family are not rare. It happened about five years ago at my daughter’s school in Tampa. A seemingly normal dad shot his 2 kids and wife, set his house on fire, and then shot himself. A psychologist at the USF medical school who studies this says it is almost always the father and his extreme desire to control their families’ lives. In the Tampa case, it had to do with financial difficulties followed by marital problems.

I’m sorry this happened to someone you knew. Besides being respectful to those directly affected, I am not sure there is much you can do for others. For yourself, perhaps just remind yourself that there are many, many things totally out of your control and if the lack of control is affecting you to the point of harm to yourself or others, you need to seek professional help.
 
#10
#10
It's hard to fathom a break down where someone kills their own kids, but it happens. I've felt absolutely hopeless and depressed at times over my wife's health. I just say that to say I've felt thise things, and don't understand what pushes a person to this kind of low. It sincerely is confusing to me.
 
#12
#12
n_huffhines said:
Mormon family of eight killed in Utah after mother filed for divorce
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I can only imagine that the husband was feeling incredible pressure and something was said or done that just sent him over the edge. According to the article, he lost his job right before Christmas. I’m guessing his wife potentially threatened to take the kids or something to that effect, and he decided that he was going to allow that to happen .
I’m sorry that this happened to this family. It’s an absolute tragedy.
 
#13
#13
This happened a few years ago in East TN, but the man was a close friend and a co-worker of my wife’s, and the kid was my kids’ BEST friend. Like a brother.

There’s nothing anyone can say on here to fix the questions in your head. Realistically, there’s no Walt Whitman quote or Bible verse that will erase it from your memory.
I will tell you I’m so sorry to hear this and I know how hard it can be to process. Don’t be afraid to seek therapy. Even if it’s just a month and it’s Betterhelp.com. It can definitely help.
 
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#14
#14
n_huffhines said:
This went down yesterday, and I'm reeling a little today. This Dad murder-suicided his whole family seemingly because his wife was divorcing him.

Utah Family of 8, Including 5 Children, Found Shot Dead in Their Home: A 'Senseless Tragedy'

I knew the guy in HS. He was so nice, religious, and unlike most of us, he was actually an adult when he graduated HS. A lot can happen in a few decades, but by all accounts coming out so far, he was still the same guy.

I don't know how to process this. Like how does somebody like him become this guy? I don't know what to do, not that there is necessarily anything to do. People in my hometown are totally shook. Nobody knows what to do. I keep thinking about the responders whose lives will never be the same after yesterday. I probably know some of them and I feel so much sadness for them.
Click to expand...
Dang Huff. I cannot imagine.
 
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