MemphisVol
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- Nov 9, 2003
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I ran across a book about weird alternative uses of household products. Cheez Whiz, for example, can be used as a pre-wash grease stain remover (IOW, it is so perfectly un-cheese-like that it is capable of removing even "cheese artifacts" from your clothing). Listerine will fertilize your lawn. Carnation Nonfat Dry Milk can be used to whitewash your house. Spam is a wonderful furniture polish. Gatorade and Tang are both excellent toilet cleaners. Kitty-litter and water provides a superior facial to most of the compounds used in spas. If you have lice and don't want to shave your scalp or pay for expensive prescriptions, lather your head with Kraft Mayonnaise, wrap it in Saran Wrap, and wait 6 hours- works like a charm.
While it's a little disturbing thinking about all the things we put in our mouths that are also more powerful than most industrial solvents, what really gives me the willies is thinking about the fact that the folks who graced mankind with these unusual additions to our collective knowledge are out there walking around free...
procreating...
I mean, think about it. Even some of the things we take for granted, like, say, drinking bovine mammary excretions, at some point in time involved some pioneering cave man named Cletus who first nudged his pals looking across a meadow at a buffalo and said, "Hey dudes, watch this."
And, just to emphasize the genetic component, remember this, for each of the miracle discoveries above, there were family members who walked in on great uncle Herman wiping down the armoire with spam or painting his house with dried milk and thought, "Wow, Herman smart!"....
While it's a little disturbing thinking about all the things we put in our mouths that are also more powerful than most industrial solvents, what really gives me the willies is thinking about the fact that the folks who graced mankind with these unusual additions to our collective knowledge are out there walking around free...
procreating...
I mean, think about it. Even some of the things we take for granted, like, say, drinking bovine mammary excretions, at some point in time involved some pioneering cave man named Cletus who first nudged his pals looking across a meadow at a buffalo and said, "Hey dudes, watch this."
And, just to emphasize the genetic component, remember this, for each of the miracle discoveries above, there were family members who walked in on great uncle Herman wiping down the armoire with spam or painting his house with dried milk and thought, "Wow, Herman smart!"....
