MphsBlues
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- Oct 8, 2006
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Apologies if this has been posted before
These are great! My favorite is LAW 18.
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should
have inner peace
knowing that a worse one is yet to come. (This law
does not expire on the
18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to
extend over the course
of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.)
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost
immediately by your
worst round ever. The probability of the latter
increases with the number of
people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. (Though
this cannot be
proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more
expensive the golf ball,
the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs
have been known to be
partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.)
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into
play. If one does,
the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be
cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot,
all his playing
partners must solemnly chant 'You looked up,' or invoke
the wrath of the
universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more
qualified he deems himself
as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret
desire to humiliate
golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 9: Sand is alive. It will swallow your balls.
LAW 10: A golfer hitting into your group will always be
bigger than anyone
in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit
into will consist of a
football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted
murderer and an IRS
agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 11: All 3-woods are demon-possessed . (Your Mother
in Law, does not come close.)
LAW 12: Golf balls from the same 'sleeve' tend to follow
one another,
particularly out of bounds or into the water (See
LAW`3).
LAW 13: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and
beauty.
LAW 14: The person you would most hate to lose to will
always be the one
who beats you.
LAW 15 : The last three holes of a round will
automatically adjust your
score to what it really should be.
LAW 16: Golf should be given up at least twice per
month.
LAW 17: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid
only until the
sunset.
LAW 18: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your
fourth consecutive bad
shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.
LAW 19: When you look up and cause an awful shot, you
will always look down
again a t exactly the moment when you should have
continued watching the ball
if you ever want to see it again.
LAW 20: The less skilled the player, the more likely he
is to share his ideas about your swing.
LAW 21: If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.
LAW 22: Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.
LAW 23: A golf match is a test of your skill against
your opponent's luck.
LAW 24: It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt
when you lie 8.
LAW 25: Counting on your opponent to inform you when he
breaks a rule is
like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
LAW 26: Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant
putts.
LAW 27: It's not a gimme if you're still away.
LAW 28: The shortest distance between any two points on
a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of
a very large tree.
LAW 29: You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time,
and a 2-inch branch
90% of the time.
LAW 30: Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must su
bsequently make two
triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of
the universe.
LAW 31: If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger
Woods does, simply try
to lay up just short of a water hazard.
LAW 32: There are two things you can learn by stopping
your backswing at the
top and checking the position of your hands: how many
hands you have, and
which one is wearing the glove.
LAW 33: Hazards attract; fairways repel.
LAW 34: You can put 'draw' on the ball, you can put
'fade' on the ball, but
no golfer can put 'straight' on the ball.
LAW 35: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards
away is not yours.
LAW 36: Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to
throw it.
Remember: Craig Statler once changed putters in the
middle of a tournament.
When asked about it, Craig said, ' The other putter
couldn't swim!'
