Things you hear kids say

[joevol33]

I may have overlooked if there's a thread like this, but thought it'd be fun. We knows kids say some hilarious stuff, I've got 3 girls and hear all kinds. Mine were watching some movie today and a dog was having pups. I was in the kitchen and heard my baby girl tell the other two, "I'm glad mom had me by a seizure section instead of pooping me out of her privates". The seizure section and pooping had me rolling. I went in the bedroom and told my wife it's time for her to explain a couple of things.

 

[Freak]

Wasn't there a tv show or something called Kids Say the Darndest Things?

 

[joevol33]

Wasn't there a tv show or something called Kids Say the Darndest Things?

Yep, I used to love it.

 

[n_huffhines]

Wasn't there a tv show or something called Kids Say the Darndest Things?

Bill Cosby

 

[Notorious B.E.N]

Bill Cosby

There was an older version, Art Linklater? Something like that.

 

[vollygirl]

That's hilarious Joe!

 

[pismonque]

There was an older version, Art Linklater? Something like that.

Art Linkletter, yep. Had a book or two as well as I recall.

When my oldest was about four, I was reading her Sleeping Beauty at bedtime and she had her great epiphany about the similarity between Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, both put to sleep by magic spells, one via poison apple and the other by pricking her finger on a spinning wheel. She said, "Sleeping Beauty is just like Snow White, only Snow White had an apple and Sleeping Beauty had a prick."

 

[Coug]

The funny things kids say are often times repeats of what they heard an adult say.

My 3 year old niece jumped off the diving board in the pool and as she was swimming to the side she said, "oh sweet baby Jesus!"

 

[pismonque]

We used to keep a running list on my youngest. A couple of favorites:

She had a bad dream one night when she was four and my wife was trying to comfort her afterward and asked what she had dreamed about.

Daughter: I dreamed that [the whole family] were in the back yard and we could see Mars.
Wife: Oh wow, what did it look like?
Daughter: It was red!
Wife: Really? How neat!
Daughter: No! It was coming straight at us! I should have ducked.

Another time, same age, maybe the next year, her older sister caught her with one of her things:

Older: Hey! That's my hair band that I got for my birthday! Give it back! (takes it)
Younger: Yeah, well you know what you didn't get for your birthday? Sharing!

 

[Creeker]

I've got plenty of these I work with 4 year olds. Best 1 to this day though, I laughed so hard I couldn't even deal with the kid. An aide came into the room to let me take a quick break. As I am walking out I hear her tell one of the little girls "stop doing that to the marker you're going to break it." without hesitation the little girl turns and says "I'm not putting up with your S&!* today!" I lost it just had to keep walking and let her deal with it.

 

[MyBloodRunnethOrange]

When my oldest daughter was potty training we were in the grocery store one day when she had an accident. She looked at my wife and said "Mommy, I chit my pants. Will you clean my nasty a**?" Needless to say the reactions were everywhere from people looking at us like we were pariah to others about to pee themselves from laughing so hard.

 

[Orangesmokey]

My oldest was riding his bike and had an accident and scrapped his knee. When I asked how it happened he told me we was trying to make a "knifey" turn and fell over. I asked if he meant a sharp turn and he said... yeah dad a knifey turn. I laughed for a long time about that one.

 

[vollygirl]

My oldest was riding his bike and had an accident and scrapped his knee. When I asked how it happened he told me we was trying to make a "knifey" turn and fell over. I asked if he meant a sharp turn and he said... yeah dad a knifey turn. I laughed for a long time about that one.

:lol:

 

[GoBigOrangeUT]

Women Say the Darndest Things: hosted by Bill Cosby

 

[Jxn Vol]

My daughter was 3 at the time. At a nice family dinner she got som ketchup on her. After the blessing she said "I've got some $hit on my hands". I about fell out of my seat.

 

[joevol33]

My daughter was 3 at the time. At a nice family dinner she got som ketchup on her. After the blessing she said "I've got some $hit on my hands". I about fell out of my seat.

I used to be bad about saying balls. One of our deacons at church grabbed my daughter playing around on the porch at church and said I got you now what are you gonna do. Right in front of everyone, my daughter (around 7 at the time), said "I'll kick you right in the balls". I stopped saying it front of them after that.

 

[Freak]

These are hilarious. I'm laughing trying to not wake up my wife.

 

[Notorious B.E.N]

These are hilarious. I'm laughing trying to not wake up my wife.

Freak, Joe needs an avi, can you set it for him?

 

[YankeeVol]

My daughter is hilarious. There's too many to list. It's literally almost daily she makes me laugh with something she says.

 

[joevol33]

My daughter is hilarious. There's too many to list. It's literally almost daily she makes me laugh with something she says.

Times that by 3 for me.

 

[samanderson]

We set up a Skype session with with my son, DIL and 22 month old granddaughter in Texas today. At one point, there was a bit of squiggle disturbance on the screen which my son said was happening on his end. While he was pecking away on his keyboard to correct it, my granddaughter looked at the wife and me and said, "Oh sh!t!"

Anybody else ever burst a gut with something like this?

 

[hmanvolfan]

*

 

[joevol33]

We set up a Skype session with with my son, DIL and 22 month old granddaughter in Texas today. At one point, there was a bit of squiggle disturbance on the screen which my son said was happening on his end. While he was pecking away on his keyboard to correct it, my granddaughter looked at the wife and me and said, "Oh sh!t!"

Anybody else ever burst a gut with something like this?

The first time my kids repeated words they'd heard I had to walk away do they wouldn't see me laugh. It's just hard not to. My wife had got in the drivers seat while I was in a gas station, and my oldest ( around 4-5 at the time), said "dad is gonna be madder than he** when he sees this). My middle girl was helping me clean out our aquarium I had two lizards in, she stuck her head in and said "this smells like sh**. I explained that wasn't language little girls needed to use.

 

[pismonque]

My wife and I were babysitting our middle-school-aged niece (wife's sister's kid) and playing a game of Monopoly at the coffee table. My wife had all her money arranged neatly on the edge of the table but kept accidentally knocking it off, clearly not learning from her mistakes and getting madder each time. Finally she knocked her money off one time too many and blurted out "F***!!" We each looked at each other wide-eyed for a second, then looked over at our niece, who just started chuckling and said, "You sound just like my mom."

 

[joevol33]

My wife and I were babysitting our middle-school-aged niece (wife's sister's kid) and playing a game of Monopoly at the coffee table. My wife had all her money arranged neatly on the edge of the table but kept accidentally knocking it off, clearly not learning from her mistakes and getting madder each time. Finally she knocked her money off one time too many and blurted out "F***!!" We each looked at each other wide-eyed for a second, then looked over at our niece, who just started chuckling and said, "You sound just like my mom."

Ha