Urban Meyer clones seek coaching positions
(AP) Gainesville, Fla - Geneticists at the University of Florida have successfully cloned Urban Meyer, the self-proclaimed genius of college football and the copies are now proclaiming themselves ready for their first head coaching positions.
DNA extracted from the second-year Gator football coach last year was placed into embryonic sheep cells and incubated for several months. Once the cells inherited the genetic footprint completely, human growth hormone (HGH) was injected to artificially age the clones to the age of forty. Coach Meyer then imparted his vast knowledge of football to them in a series of nightly seminars and last week declared them "official offensive geniuses".
Urban number two has been in communication with officials at the University of Alabama and athletic director Mal Moore is "very impressed with the candidate". The second copy of Meyer has been wooed by the University of Miami regarding their vacancy and appears to be the leading candidate at the moment.
Urban number four, while having some obvious mental deficiencies, is also searching for a position and has expressed interest in the Auburn program. When told that the Tigers' coaching position was presently filled, number four replied "I like pizza... I LIKE IT!!!" AU trustee Bobby Lowder was very impressed with the ambitious number four and proclaimed him a "true Auburn man."