Happy New Year!!! Surely I am not the only Vol fan that has Auld Lang Syne playing on a continuous loop in my home, in the office and in the car? All of the sudden everything feels new again. Auburn handed the Volunteers a Christmas present last week, and on New Year’s Eve the Vols decided it was time to celebrate. They partied in style, hitting the Georgia Bulldogs in the mouth again and again and again. Arian Foster was on his game, the defense tackled, and the game planning and preparation was impeccable. The plan was executed to perfection.
Even though it is not really January, the Volunteer Television Network will be rolling out a new fall and winter show, that is a remake of one of my old favorites. The UT version of “To Tell the Truth†will be coming to a set near you, and it will be asking this question: Will the real Tennessee Volunteer football team please stand up?
The first contestant claims to be the real UT football team. It can move the football against teams like California, Southern Mississippi, and Arkansas State. Every once in a while it has a glitch in the special teams department, and it turns the ball over in bad situations. This team is competitive, but tackling seems to be a real issue for the ball club. With a few lucky breaks, it is possible that this could be a 3-0 team against the aforementioned teams, but at times they looked like they had lost their will to win. It is safe to say that we have seen this team in action three times this year.
The second contestant claims to be the real UT football team. This team plays like a squad devoid of talent and will. Often against more talented opponents, this team appears slow and lethargic. When Tebow comes to the line of scrimmage, this group pays homage to his greatness. When they bring him down by his ankles, they are quick to help him up and pat him on the head, as if to say, “Thank you for not running over me againâ€. When the chips are down for this bunch of Vols, it looks like they simply give up. We have seen this team in action one time this year, and needless to say, it was not a pretty sight.
The third contestant claims to be the real UT football team. This team arrives to play a brand of UT football that fans know and love. They lay guitar shots to the head repetitively squarely on the melon of their opponents until the outmatched competitor eventually throws in the towel. This Vol squad blocks well, they NEVER miss tackles, they run the ball with authority, they do not drop passes, and they don’t aim all of their punts to the sidelines because they don’t have any fear of what a flashy punt returner can do to them. They want said punt returner to catch the ball, just so they can hit him over the head with their Stratocaster. This team plays sixty minutes of football, while reciting all of Neylands maxims as they go!
Before we go any further, please welcome our celebrity judges to the program. Mr. Negavol, Mr. Fulmerite, and from the Bob and Tom Show, Mr. Obvious.
Mr. Negavol has critiqued this coaching administration since 2001. He has seen the first and second contestant too many times, and have given up on the idea of consistently seeing the third contestant on the field. This celebrity contestant thinks that it is inexcusable for the Vols to be blown out. Mr. Negavol doesn’t place much weight on what other college programs are doing. He just wants to see the Vols be a dominant football team all of the time.
Mr. Fulmerite is an avid supporter of the current head coach at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville. He has seen all three of the contestants compete, and still have faith that this coaching staff can produce more wins like the one witnessed on Saturday against the Dawgs. To Mr. Fulmerite, blow outs and unprepared teams are a product of parity in college football, and he has the patience to weather the ups and downs of the UT program.
Finally Mr. Obvious comes to the panel as the voice of reason in the situation. He has seen the debacles, but he also notices that once in a while this team plays with a flash of brilliance that reminds him of the days of glory when the UT football team always competed for championships. Mr. Obvious is a panel member that realizes one fact that should not be overlooked when watching the Volunteers play football for the remainder of this season. That fact is this: Time will tell which of these contestants is the real UT football team.
You see, Mr. Obvious knows that there is still football left to play. It is also clear to him that Coach Phil Fulmer’s job was on the line against the Dawgs. He understands that it is a truly a New Year in the SEC East. This team now truly controls its own destiny. For our third celebrity judge the questions to contestant one, two and three will look like this:
“Can you play the rest of the year with this consistency?â€
“Can you beat MSU, South Carolina, UK, and Vanderbilt?â€
“Can you win the SEC East?â€
“Will the REAL Tennessee Volunteer Football Team please stand up?†GO VOLS!