Guitar Shots to the Head: From Capitol Hill

What do Bill Belichick, Roger Clemens and Phil Fulmer have in common? Right now all three have off the field problems that aren’t going away anytime soon. Between the tapes the drugs and the DUIs all three men find some of their lifetime achievements and their public perception being called into question. Oh, yeah, and one more thing. All three men have better approval ratings than the U.S. Senate and the House of Representatives.

Lately, the U.S. government is completely obsessed with what is happening in professional sports. Arlen Specter (R), cannot seem to figure out why Roger Goodell destroyed evidence of the Patriot’s “cheating”. I have a few theories about the tapes. Perhaps if one were to look closely they would see members of the CIA forcing Al Queda captives to watch the Jets football game. Furthermore, it is no coincidence that the “Guantanamo seats” are right in front of the scantily clad cheerleading squads. The prospect of having to watch Jets football should be bad enough to make anyone talk. If that didn’t get the job done, threatening coercion of participation in a cheerleader pyramid would certainly have them sharing every secret they had.

OK. Maybe that was a pitiful attempt at humor. I really have no earthly idea why Specter, or any other self respecting politician would want with NFL tapes, I do know this. If Mike Hamilton and Phil Fulmer don’t get control over their players on the Hill it is only a matter of time before Washington D.C. sets its sights on the Volunteer football program.

Can you imagine Mike and Phil in front of congress answering questions?

Mr. Specter: “Are you trying to make a mockery out of the most beloved public institution in the state of Tennessee?”
Mr. Fulmer: “No Sir”.
Mr. Hamilton: “What he said!”

Mr. Specter: “How do you explain the rash of incidents that have taken place in and around your campus during this off season?”
Mr. Fulmer: “We will have to look at the police tape to see what happened.”
Mr. Hamilton: “What he said!”

Mr. Specter: “Do you have a plan in place to improve the behavior of these young men that represent your team and your University?”
Mr. Fulmer: “We are going to work like heck to get better.”
Mr. Hamilton: “What he said!”

Mr. Specter: “I need an explanation for this behavior?”
Mr. Fulmer: “These are good kids, I know their mommas and their daddys. They sent their children here so that I could make men out of them. Their actions are not consistent with what we are teaching them.”
Mike Hamilton: “What he said!”

Mr. Specter: “What are you teaching them Mr. Fulmer?”
Mr. Fulmer: “We are teaching them to watch film and work like heck.”
Mr. Hamilton: “What he said!”

Mr. Specter: “May we please see the film?”
Mr. Fulmer: “I have a tape of the Georgia game from last year, but if you want to watch the Florida and Alabama games…..the tapes have….umm…. been destroyed.”
Mr. Hamilton: “What he said!”

When three true freshmen get caught with weed in a parked car there is some explanation for it. They are simply young and making poor decisions. When two aging and promising talents are removed from the team, or when a twenty seven year old walk-on, and a twenty two year old punter both receive DUIs it signifies a much deeper problem.

This may be a little harsh on Fulmer. The fact is he is not omnipresent. He cannot follow any player on this team twenty-four hours a day. However, as some on the Volnation have previously stated, this seems to be a reflection of the level of respect these players have for their University, and more importantly their peers on the football team. Furthermore, it gives the appearance that our head coach and our athletic director have also lost the respect of the players. Does the year 2005 ring any bells?

It is time for the leaders on this team to step up and hold their peers accountable. I know it sounds “Pollyannish”, but I see no other solution to the problem. Until next time Go Vols!