As a nervous fan base hopes to avoid calling shenanigans on the Bowl Selection. Rivals teams attempt to steal away Vol coaches. To lighten the mood somewhat, VN did some channel surfing to catch an episode of SEC Jeopardy.
THIS IS. . . SEC JEOPARDY!
Announcer: Let’s meet today’s contestants: A sixty-nine year old genius who hails from Birmingham, Alabama. He is a bit of a control freak who is troubled with bouts of insomnia. Mike Slive.
He’s a past Putnam County Gator Club Club President. A former Florida offensive lineman, this current SEC official is a Gator for life. Wally Hough.
This football coach comes to us from Gainesville Florida. He enjoys engaging in witty rejoinder with his sparkling personality and working crossword puzzles about his favorite quarterback. Urban Meyer.
And NOW, here is the host of SEC Jeopardy, Alex Trebek
Alex: Thank you Johnny Gilbert, thank you ladies and gentlemen. Welcome contestants. Looking to the board, the first round has as it categories the following: SEC Championship Game, Thar T’Blows, ACC Sucks, Big Orange Baby! and finally Bowls and Stuff.
Urban you won the toss back stage, yet . . . deferred to the second round??? Alriiight then. Mike I guess you will start us off.
Mike: Thank you Alex, Let’s go with ‘SEC Championship for 100’
Alex: This coach’s hair is his moniker, yet he’s best known by this ‘Lucifer’ synonym.
Mike: Who is Lane Kiffin?
Alex: Sorry, no. Urban.
Urban: That would be Nick Saban
Alex: Ohhhhhhh, I’m sorry. That’s incorrect. Wally? No? No idea? The correct answer was ‘who is Satan’. Urban you were on the right track. (Remember contestants, your answer must be in the form of a question). Wally you’re in control of the board.
Wally: Gladly Alex, I’ll take The Swamp Baby! for 200.
Alex: Um. . I’m guessing you mean, oh ok, Big Orange Baby! for 200: In this scene, a Tennessee defensive back catches the ball in the end zone.
Wally: What is defensive pass interference with an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty tacked on for good measure?
Alex: Uh, no. Mike
Mike: Clearly the Tennessee coach was beyond the coaches sideline boundary. I don’t know about the play but there is a fine right there.
Alex: NO, Urban!
Urban: What is a coach’s reprimand by the league?
Alex: I’m sorry, no. The correct answer was” What is an interception with a subsequent touchback. Urban, you now have control of the board.
Urban: Let’s try, hmmm, uh; let’s go SEC Championship for 400.
Alex: The Flu, a blocked FG and SEC officiating resulted in these questionable results.
Urban: Well first of all, our team did have the flu; you can ask Tim Tebow . . . . And another thing. .
Alex: Urban. .Urban. . URBAN whatever that was it was incorrect. The correct answer is: “Who are Alabama and Florida. Wally continue.
Wally: I’d like to place the previous answer under review.
Alex: Uh. . . . No.
Wally: Alright then, give me Gators Win! For 400 please Alex.
Alex: There is no such category Wally. Are you referring to ‘SEC Championship Game’?
Wally: Oh, ok is that what it says? Let me take my glasses out. . Yeah, that’s better.
Alex: And that takes us to the break. Wally you’re at zero with Urban and Mike yet to be on the board. And you can all relax now as we pause for THIS.
(Back to back commercials with Lane Kiffin)
Alex: Welcome back everyone. Our first contestant we introduced on the show today was Mike. So Mike, quite the bio, anything you would like to add?
Mike: No, no that about covers it, thank you Alex.
Alex: Wally, an SEC linesman, it must be exciting making all those impartial calls?
Wally: Thank you for the kind words Alex. I just want to add that it makes me want to cry when I hear some of these rival fans, I mean people, say that I would EVER show favoritism.
Alex: Urban Meyer, you seemed a little tense for someone who’s been in the spotlight. Are you ok?
Urban: I was Alex. I just got off the cell with Tim and I feel a lot better now.
Alex: Good stuff. Ok well let’s get back into this. Mike while having no money is trying hard and he has control of the board. He makes our next selection.
Mike: How about Bowls and Stuff for 500.
Alex: Akin to collusion, it’s the formula Outback Bowl officials use to determine who comes to their bowl.
Wally: What is go ahead and make ‘your’ call on the field, theres no way video has enough indisputable evidence to overturn it?
Alex: Uhhhh, that would be No. Yes, Mike
Mike: What is paybacks a b*tch huh Lane Kiffin?
Alex: Incorrect. Urban? No? The answer was ‘A ticket sales bidding war’. Urban continue.
Urban: I’ll take Thar TeBlows for 200.
Alex: And the answer is . . .A DAILY DOUBLE!!! Now Urban, you sitting on zero, your allowed up to 100 dollars of house money. What would you like to wager?
Urban: Im going all in Alex. I have a good feeling about this one.
Alex: Alright for 100 dollars and the lead. In 2007, after prayerful consideration, Tim Tebow’s favorite color changed from pink to this dicey hue.
Urban: (Grinning) What is lavender.
Alex: Correct. You now have the lead. Continue. Oops! That signals the end of round two. Urban your in the lead with 100 dollars, Mike and Wally have some ground to make up. The final Final Jeopardy topic “Charlie Weis’. We will be right back after THIS.. .
(Two More Back to Back Commercials with Lane Kiffin)
Alex: Welcome back everyone. Well you could cut the tension here with a butter knife. Its thats crazy as here we go with the Final Jeopardy answer:
In this picture, recently fired Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis appears agitated, leading him to make THIS statement.
(30 seconds later)
Alex: Alright gentlemen, times up and we come first to Mike. Mike we saw you writing profusely, what did you come up with?
“What is we’ ll see what the Commissioner has to say about this. Commissioners are the final word on everything football. You won’t use that tone when the Commisisioner calls you in his office Monday morning.”
I’m afraid thats wrong. What was your wager? Ohhhh 87 dollars and that was borrowed from the show. Leaving you in the negative. I’m so sorry.
Moving on to Wally. Your shaking your head no. “What is My bad that was a great call ref. You guys deserve a lot more credit than you get.”
NO, your answer is also wrong. You wager? Zero! So you had no money and wagered no money. Interesting strategy.
Finally we come to Urban. Urban you recall put together a solid answer and collected 100 dollars to the good. Youve got that grin going again.
Urban: Yeah i feel pretty good about this one too.
Alex: Well lets see your response: “What is Yeah well there’s probably only one guy who could ever come here to save the day for Notre Dame football.”
Urban no, thats not the answer. The answer was What is “Overtime??? Are you kidding me? I have dinner reservations at seven.”
My goodness what did you wager? Ninety-nine dollars! And Urban Meyer is our champion with a total of ONE dollar.
Thank you everyone and join us next time on Jeopardy when our returning champion Urban Meyer faces two new challengers.