I'd post a weekly pic of my hairy arse to Volnation and wonder how long it takes fans to realize I don't chafe.
All criticism would be deflected with the most condescending coach speak possible.
I would give players a choice in what position they play. They can choose to like where I tell them to play or they can choose to not like it.
I'm not
that old but I was coached old school. Water is a privilege to be earned. Chew your daMn salt tablet like a man.
There would be a bounty every game (not dirty hits & injuring players) but hardest hit, biggest play, O & D player of the game would be compensated.
I'd steal lines from my HS coach and wouldn't lie to my team "They might be bigger, faster, and more talented but you're better coached and more disciplined. If we don't turn the ball over we can be within 7 in the 4th and then anything can happen". We upset some teams and he's in the HS coaching hall BTW.
I'd find out who our top bagmen are, establish personal relationships with them, and invite them to my house cookouts and parties. All while never personally incriminating myself or the university.
I'll be daMn'd if admin politicking gets a chance to torpedo my recruiting.
Players would decide 3rd down music with the caveat of there having to be a rotation of several riffs. I don't really care what they listen to but I get tired of the same stuff.
@Fingers would have full access to practice provided he allowed me to screen what he releases. I assure you that would be more pertinent content that he receives now.
I'd probably get fired but I'd leave behind a bunch of scrappy tough SOB's for the next staff to build around.
After getting fired I'd continue posting weekly pictures of my hairy arse until the buyout ran out.