MadWorld
Caligula would grin.
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- Sep 1, 2015
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What does the typical Bama fan look like?
He's a 38 year old grandfather who owns 14 shirts, thirteen of which have to do with Alabama football. Ten of those shirts list the number of mythical national titles his favorite team has "won".
The most important aspect of his life is that EVERYONE must know that Alabama is his favorite team at every moment of his life. His truck, his trailer, his clothes, his pets, his arms, his parole papers - all of them must include a reference to his Bama fandom. There is only 2 months of the year that a bama fan can get married. June and July, because these are the only 2 months when bama is not playing football or having a spring football game.
The Alabama fan base is a fractious mix of two distinct groups who can’t really stand each other.
At the top of the list is the 10-15% of the fan base that could actually be admitted to Alabama or attended the school.
This group hates most of the rest of the Alabama fan base with a passionate fury.
The other 85% of Bama fans are incapable of coherent thought and have a deep-seated insecurity about all things in life. Alabama football comprises, and this is not an exaggeration, 99% of their self esteem. The suicide prevention line in Alabama has a list of "on-call" associates who must report to work when Bama puts its FG unit on the field.
50% of the "other 85%" live in Alabama and have nothing else to root for, and the remaining 50% of the "other 85%" are a little smarter. They live in other states such as Tennessee, Mississippi, or Georgia. They claim that their parents moved to these states when they were 5. All of these are the bandwagon bammers. They are all silently glad their parents didn't stay in Alabama so they could have running water and electricity for their mobile homes.
Fully half of all Bama fans have a dog, cat or more likely a son or daughter named Bryant. In 10 years you will see a bunch of 8-9 year olds named Tua running around. Now you will understand why.
25% of bama fans did not see the finish of last years NC game, because they either shot or threw a bottle of beer at their big screens when Tua was sacked in overtime. They had to hear the shouts of ROLL TIDE in their trailer park after Bama actually came back and won.
To bad the toothbrush was invented by an Alabama fan. If it had been invented by a Tennessee fan, it would have been called to the teethbrush.
He's a 38 year old grandfather who owns 14 shirts, thirteen of which have to do with Alabama football. Ten of those shirts list the number of mythical national titles his favorite team has "won".
The most important aspect of his life is that EVERYONE must know that Alabama is his favorite team at every moment of his life. His truck, his trailer, his clothes, his pets, his arms, his parole papers - all of them must include a reference to his Bama fandom. There is only 2 months of the year that a bama fan can get married. June and July, because these are the only 2 months when bama is not playing football or having a spring football game.
The Alabama fan base is a fractious mix of two distinct groups who can’t really stand each other.
At the top of the list is the 10-15% of the fan base that could actually be admitted to Alabama or attended the school.
This group hates most of the rest of the Alabama fan base with a passionate fury.
The other 85% of Bama fans are incapable of coherent thought and have a deep-seated insecurity about all things in life. Alabama football comprises, and this is not an exaggeration, 99% of their self esteem. The suicide prevention line in Alabama has a list of "on-call" associates who must report to work when Bama puts its FG unit on the field.
50% of the "other 85%" live in Alabama and have nothing else to root for, and the remaining 50% of the "other 85%" are a little smarter. They live in other states such as Tennessee, Mississippi, or Georgia. They claim that their parents moved to these states when they were 5. All of these are the bandwagon bammers. They are all silently glad their parents didn't stay in Alabama so they could have running water and electricity for their mobile homes.
Fully half of all Bama fans have a dog, cat or more likely a son or daughter named Bryant. In 10 years you will see a bunch of 8-9 year olds named Tua running around. Now you will understand why.
25% of bama fans did not see the finish of last years NC game, because they either shot or threw a bottle of beer at their big screens when Tua was sacked in overtime. They had to hear the shouts of ROLL TIDE in their trailer park after Bama actually came back and won.
To bad the toothbrush was invented by an Alabama fan. If it had been invented by a Tennessee fan, it would have been called to the teethbrush.
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