Well isn't this fun. First, I don't listen to Bob Marley. Second, I don't drink lattes nor do I frequent Starbucks. I also don't smoke pot. But, clever generalizations, I guess.
Yes, you can say that we beat the Big12 conference champ. Which, I should remind you, is more than aTm has done since your lone conference title in 1998. New money? In what way? Literal finances? Phil Knight and our other big boosters have funneled money to Oregon since the 80s, at least.
Or maybe you meant new money in terms of wins? I suppose, if you date back to the Nixon era. I'm 28. What Oregon has or hasn't done only matters to me in my time as a fan of the Ducks. What have they done? Well in the past 20 years we have: 6 conference titles, another 3 second place finishes off the top of my head, 2 Rose Bowl appearances, 2 Fiesta Bowl appearances, a national championship appearance, 3 BCS game wins, the most wins in the Pac by something like 15 games, only one losing season in that same time frame, wins against your former conference foes (Oklahoma State, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, Kansas State - all teams you seemed to have had a **** load of trouble beating during my life, since, you know, aTm could never figure out how to win their own conference), a stellar win percentage, and numerous other bowl game wins. Life before Kelly? Yeah, Mike Bellotti and Rich Brooks - two respected and successful coaches in the wonderful world of college football. Along with Kelly, those are our only coaches dating back to 1970-because Oregon is about loyalty, and they've had no reason to fire anyone because all they've done for 20+ years is average 9 wins a year despite the state producing 3 division 1 level recruits a year. Craptastic city like Philly? You mean the birthplace of America with great food and culture and history and people? Sure. It's obvious you've been.
Go ahead, hang your hat on the most superfluous award in sports, the Heisman, which is awarded to a player and not a team, and which serves as yet another prescient sign of your collapse into obscurity when he's gone. And go ahead, hang onto your win over 'Bama, if NOT winning your conference AGAIN is really that cool. And have fun talking **** about one of the most loyal and hospitable fan bases in all of spots: Vol fans. They don't need to say anything. Because while you splash around in your very shallow victory puddle screaming in excitement that you lost only 2 games instead of your annual 4, they'll quietly wait for Butch Jones to rebuild their program, which will soon embarrass your program every fall season. And your only consolation is the knowledge that Texas sinks further and further into ineptitude. Again, a team that you couldn't figure out how to beat. A team that made you cry and whine and ***** and moan until, like a pathetic defector, or maybe even like a pathetic Victorian orphan boy, you fled and begged the SEC to let you in. They did, when they didn't have to, as you add exactly zero credibility to their conference. Because your team has spent the better portion of my life in a useless part of Texas, getting verbally/culturally/sexually/intellectually/emotionally abused by the Longhorns while you simultaneously open your annual end-of-the-year invitation to the Dustbowl, a game sponsored by the Jerry Jones Douche White Trash Development Foundation.
And you're seriously going to talk crap and make snide remarks about the West Coast culture? Hmm, interesting tactic. I love Texas. LOVE IT for being lawless and backwards andd dirty and crazy. But you've forced my hand.
West Coast:
- Pacific Ocean, Yosemite, Olympia Mountains, Cascade Mountains, Sierra Nevadas.
- Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego.
- Redwoods, pines, high and low desert, vineyards, beaches, farmland.
- Cal, Stanford, Cal Tech, and other elite research institutions.
- The best beer and beer diversity in the world, renown wine, a prodigious quantity of the world's best restaurants and chefs.
- Film production, Silicon ******* Valley, media.
- The greatest geographic, cultural, and academic diversity in the world.
Texas:
Austin ... ...
The Alamo ...
Thinking, hold on...
...
Austin - oh ****, I said that already
Steak
A lot of Walmarts
Oil
Hmmm...
My brother went to the Alabama-aTm game. Drove over from New Orleans. He said College Station reminded him of the time when he watched an al-Qaeda training session in the middle of Yemen. I'll take rivers and snow capped mountains and forests and wild flowers and beaches and lakes and salmon fishing and elk hunting and deserts over your tundra that is replete with such beloved gems as dip spit, tumbleweeds, people who can't spell their own name, and the geographic diversity of Mars. The one thing you might have going for you is hot women, which expires after age 24 in Texas since all of your women balloon to 300 pounds after one kid because they suck down Applebees as if it were the cure to their own genetic deficencies and mental retardation.
So I will have fun gathering my umbrella. And I'll take my life in Oregon and my home of Southern California over your ugly, vapid, do-nothing, have-nothing part of Texas.
Good luck to ya, though!
