Alabama jokes

#77
#77
TN Tim said:
After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Tennessee flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Tennessee banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Neyland gets a mansion with Tennessee banners and UT flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not the General's house. That's mine."
Click to expand...

That joke has, indeed, been in circulation for a long time. The updated version I heard had Spurrier being greeted at the Pearly Gates by an archangel. In the course of his tour, Spurrier witnessed college pennants waving over the domiciles of various former coaches. In the punchline, however, it was Fulmer, not Neyland, who served as the segue to God's statement that the most lavish residence, one with an enormous Tennessee pennant overhead, was his.
 
#78
#78
TuskALoosa said:
Losing to Vanderbilt 41 - 18 is way funnier than all of the previous jokes in this thread combined! My grand kids will still be laughing over that one. :birgits_giggle:
Click to expand...


As bad as we have been lately, and as embarrassing as it is to lose to the Commodes in the fashion that we did this year, at least we don’t have these dubious achievements, ones amassed by Alabama, on our resume: 17 consecutive losses (from 11/13/54-10/20/56), 19 consecutive games without a victory (10/30/54-10/20/56). Included within that streak of infamy were back-to-back losses to the Commodes (21-6 and 32-7) and Tennessee (20-0 and 24-0). During that 19-game span, Alabama was shut out NINE times. For all of the great teams that Alabama has fielded over the years, let us also raise our glasses to the perfect record of the 1955 Crimson Tide, a squad that went 0-10-0 and scored only 48 points all year. A job well done. See Alabama Historical Scores
 
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#79
#79
How many Bammers does it take to screw in a stadium light bulb at Bryant Denny??

Just 1 to screw it in but 101,820 to talk about how the Bear would have done it.

:salute:
 
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#81
#81
"A TN fan, a Auburn fan and a Bama fan were walking through the park when they spied a naked woman lying passed out drunk in the underbrush. Being a gentleman, the TN fan dropped his hat over one breast. The AU fan agreed and placed his hat over the other breast. Not to be out done, the Bama fan then placed his hat over the woman's cooch.

Soon the police arrived. The officer started checking over the body. He picked up the TN hat and quickly placed it back and made some notes. He then picked up the AU hat and returned it recording additional notes. Then he picked up the Bama fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down.

Then he picked it up a third time. By this time, the Gump was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert or something?" The officer responded with a wry smile, "Boy, I can't figure it out. When I come across one of these Bama hats, I usually find a dick under it."

:neener:
 
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#82
#82
ChicBleedsOrange said:
"A TN fan, a Auburn fan and a Bama fan were walking through the park when they spied a naked woman lying passed out drunk in the underbrush. Being a gentleman, the TN fan dropped his hat over one breast. The AU fan agreed and placed his hat over the other breast. Not to be out done, the Bama fan then placed his hat over the woman's cooch.

Soon the police arrived. The officer started checking over the body. He picked up the TN hat and quickly placed it back and made some notes. He then picked up the AU hat and returned it recording additional notes. Then he picked up the Bama fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down.

Then he picked it up a third time. By this time, the Gump was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert or something?" The officer responded with a wry smile, "Boy, I can't figure it out. When I come across one of these Bama hats, I usually find a dick under it."

:neener:
Click to expand...

:lolabove:
 
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#83
#83
A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Bama joke. The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm a Bama fan. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's an Bama alum. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's an ex- Bama football player! Now, do you still want to tell your Bama joke?" The guy says, "Nah." To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are you chicken?" The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."

:bow2:
 
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#85
#85
The melody is catchy but the lyrics are a public relations nightmare.[/QUOTE]

Only is you're one of those politically correct, lesbian politicians from out west......:popcorn:
 
#87
#87
MikeVol44 said:
The melody is catchy but the lyrics are a public relations nightmare.
Click to expand...

Only is you're one of those politically correct, lesbian politicians from out west......:popcorn:[/QUOTE]

Wrong gender, wrong political persuasion and wrong geographical assumption.
 
#88
#88
Only 3 people in my family out of roughly 50 are Bammers... the rest have seen the light and embraced their heritage as proud Tennesseans. One of the three is a severe alcoholic who sits under the car port and drinks down a couple dozen buds on a daily basis and lays concrete for a living, one is a ridiculously rude and overweight woman and one is too young to know better.... pretty much sums it up. They are helpless. BUCK FAMA TIL THE DAY I DIE!!! GO VOLS WOOOOOOOOOO!!!
 
#91
#91
The punchline of this joke is Florida, but you can, of course, substitute Alabama if you wish. It seems that a Tennessee, Kentucky, and Florida fan were in Iran/Iraq/Afghanistan (take your pick) and they were involved in the serious consumption of alcohol, which they had smuggled in and which is strictly prohibited by Islamic law. When they appeared before the local magistrate, he pronounced sentence but declared that, since it was his wife’s birthday, he was willing to exercise leniency and grant each of them one wish.

After stating that their punishment was to be flogged twenty times, he asked the Kentucky fan what his wish was. He requested that a pillow be strapped to his back. The pillow provided relief from the first five lash strokes but, after that, he was howling in pain. Proceeding with the Florida fan, he asked what his wish was and the Reptilian supporter requested that two pillows be strapped to his back. Again, this precaution provided relief through the first ten lashes but, after that, he was reduced to a quivering mass of agony.

The Tennessee fan then stepped forward and, in truth, he was responsible for consuming the vast majority of their canister of alcohol. The magistrate commended him on the historical greatness of the program for which he was a supporter and, as a gesture of respect, said that he would grant the orange-blooded man TWO wishes. When asked what his first wish was, he stated, “I would like 100 lashes.” The magistrate was profoundly impressed by the Tennessee man’s courage. He then asked, “What is your second wish?” With a ghoulish grin, the Tennessee fan said, “TIE THE FLORIDA FAN TO MY BACK.”
 
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#92
#92
An Alabama fan broke up with his girlfriend. Mid-break-up, he told her, "It's ok babe, we can still be cousins"
 
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