Bad jokes. Dad jokes and whatnot

#1,084
#1,084
One day Wilma Flintstone looked down in between Fred's legs and said, "What is that Fred?"
Fred replied, "That is my stone!"
Fred looked down in between Wilma's legs and asked, "Wilma, what is that between your legs?"
Wilma replied, "That is my stone grinder."

Fred then said, "Hey, if we put these two things together, then we can make Pebbles!"
 
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#1,092
#1,092
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the ******* potatoes!"
 
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#1,098
#1,098
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, but was very stingy.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

Her friend said,

"Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with
your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my
word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket
with him."


"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account, and wrote him a check... . If he can cash it, then he can spend
it."
 
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#1,099
#1,099
Behr said:
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, but was very stingy.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

Her friend said,

"Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with
your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my
word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket
with him."


"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account, and wrote him a check... . If he can cash it, then he can spend
it."
Click to expand...
Amen.
 
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