Bad jokes. Dad jokes and whatnot

[volger]

 

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[hmanvolfan]

 

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[Tin Man]

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The sheep have nothing to worry about

 

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[65YearsAVol]

A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly.
The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double.
Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!”
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.
The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game.
The next batter came up and four balls went by.
The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first.
The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!”
Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down.
The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.”
The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”

 

[65YearsAVol]

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
‘What’s up?’ says the driver.
‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.
‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

 

[65YearsAVol]

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. "Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?"

"And so, here we are!"

 

[65YearsAVol]

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance, Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.
“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!”
“Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”

 

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[GVF]

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It's a loaded goat

 

[volger]

 

[hmanvolfan]

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I don’t think folks around the Memphis area ever heard about this.

 

[VolNExile]

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I don’t think folks around the Memphis area ever heard about this.

Let us not forget those who do turn them on but then drive another 40 miles with them still on.

 

[hmanvolfan]

Let us not forget those who do turn them on but then drive another 40 miles with them still on.

 

[VolNExile]

blinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinkyblinky

 

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[GVF]

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That must be expressly about me.

 

[volger]

 

[volger]

That must be expressly about me.

I'm not naming names, but we all know this guy/gal.