Depressed. Need someone to talk to.

#3
#3
I moved 2,000 miles away for law school. My dad died after my first year and I felt pressure to go back home to TN and take care of my mom. I had a talk with my mom and she told me to stay and finish because if I quit, I would never go back. I believe your mom would feel the same way. Stay in school!!
 
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#4
#4
GBO18 said:
You drunk?
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no, but today my mom got her second job, and i feel awful because of that. That is the main reason why I'm feeling down today. she now has no off days. and it was very hard for her to begin with only having two off days.
 
#5
#5
If you go back, just fast forward @ 20+ years and you'll probably still be in the same spot. Jm harsh opinion, coming from a family with multiple issues that sucks others in. I'm the only one that got out. Out of @ a dozen or so.
 
#6
#6
Spartacavolus said:
If you go back, just fast forward @ 20+ years and you'll probably still be in the same spot. Jm harsh opinion, coming from a family with multiple issues that sucks others in. I'm the only one that got out. Out of @ a dozen or so.
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I want to go to graduate school for psychology (ironic enough) It's just hard to focus here, with so much going on back home. I am struggling as of late. with grades too.

I will finish it out here, as I am having my tuition paid for.. (please don't turn this into a political discussion about how your taxes are paying for my education).
 
#7
#7
SDV said:
I moved 2,000 miles away for law school. My dad died after my first year and I felt pressure to go back home to TN and take care of my mom. I had a talk with my mom and she told me to stay and finish because if I quit, I would never go back. I believe your mom would feel the same way. Stay in school!!
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Thanks man for the words.
 
#8
#8
Sounds like your brother deserved the late but effective reality check and I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about it. If he wants to move to Kentucky with his gf I say let him. As far as for worrying about things you could/should have done in the past, don't, it's a waste of time. You need to focus on yourself and your studies.
Your mom sounds like a strong woman and I wouldn't worry about her quite as much as you seem to be. The last thing you should do is give up on school only to try to go home and salvage things. That's only going to hurt you in the long run.
 
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#9
#9
Hook up with the girl that gave you chlamydia . She makes money and works one hour a night .
But in all seriousness, heed Spart and SDV's advice and just stay in school finish what you started.
 
#10
#10
VolStudent5 said:
no, but today my mom got her second job, and i feel awful because of that. That is the main reason why I'm feeling down today. she now has no off days. and it was very hard for her to begin with only having two off days.
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You're mom sounds like a strong woman - you stay in school, work hard and do your best, graduate and make her proud!
 
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#11
#11
Stay in school and don't go back home. You will regret it for a long time if you do because it will throw off your path forward in life. Your mom would benefit more from you finishing school, finding a great career, and making a life for yourself.
 
#14
#14
If your mom is supportive of it, stay in school, get your degree, and then take care of her. If you leave school even temporarily, the overwhemling likelihood is that you will never get a chance to go back.
 
#15
#15
Vercingetorix said:
If your mom is supportive of it, stay in school, get your degree, and then take care of her. If you leave school even temporarily, the overwhemling likelihood is that you will never get a chance to go back.
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This. Sorry to hear about your situation...prayers sent.
 
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#16
#16
Vercingetorix said:
You an ahole?
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Not one to defend Gob, but given the OP's posting history, his questioning of the sincerity of the post is not without merit.

To the OP, if your post is sincere, staying in school is your best option. The best way to help your mom is to graduate and get a well-paying job that allows you to take care of her. Quit now, and you'll just struggle along side of her. Let your dad and your brother worry about themselves. They're grown ass men. They need to figure shiz out for themselves.

BTW, you ever get that chlamydia treated? I'd be depressed if I had the clap, too.
 
#17
#17
VolStudent5 said:
This will be a long post. sorry.

My mom and dad separated six months ago. I'm a student at UT. I need to give some background info so you can fully understand my situation.

My parents raised me together and I had a great childhood. Although I wasn't really close with my dad. I was always a momma's boy. My dad was kinda just "there." So we Lived a middle class life in a decent sized house, that I took for granted. Little did I know when the recession hit, my dad started struggling with his work. He got laid off, and had a heart attack weeks later. Medical bills had my family selling the house, and they then decided to rent. We rented for a couple of months, but then my dad still wasn't working that much. So we had to move again, and rent again, this time in Dickson, TN. Where I hated living. But by this time i was old enough and lucky enough to get accepted into UT. So I didn't have to stay there, but for during the summer.

As soon as school started this August my parents separated and my mom is now raising my younger brother who is 17 all by herself. My dad has been on drugs for the past couple years ever since his job situation started to suck, most likely xanax or some sort of benzo, as he acts really slow. We actually had a huge confrontation about it over the summer. I never cuss in front of my parents, but one night I couldn't stand it. I went off on him. And called him a "mf drug addict" after i had gotten word from my mom that he had been threatening her. I won't go into details about this, but he did it in subtle ways. I also didn't appreciate how he wouldn't stand up and discipline my younger brother who would repeatedly call my mom the b and c word.

My younger brother has issues himself. And I'll keep this very short, but to summarize he has anxiety issues and he is what i call a "spoiled brat" who takes his issues out on our mom. So me going off this summer on my dad was a combination of things, and maybe I should have directed some of it to my younger brother. I feel like I have been a very bad older brother, as I have never gotten onto him like I should for the way he treats my mom.I just always felt like my dad should parent him, and me to play more of a brother roll. So one night I called the police on him once because my brother got aggressive with my mom and ever since my relationship with him has been terrible. I don't talk to him often. He is a high school drop out and plans to move to kentucky with his girlfriend when he turns 18 this summer. I am nervous for him because he has no money and it won't work out.. I know it won't. he is to young.

Additionally, i'm depressed because my mother just got her second job. She now has no off days. She works all day as a pet groomer Monday- Thursday, and works as a waitress now from Friday- Sunday. Pet grooming is very hard on her as she has to pick up big animals, and she is getting older. Her mental state is deteriorating as well. She is barely making it on her own.. She misses bills every month. I feel terrible, that she is back in Nashville with my younger brother in a crappy neighborhood trying to get by.

I wish I could change things, I wish my brother wasn't having to take his GED, i wish he was going to be able to go to college. I wish i could go back in time and parent him when my parents couldn't. I wish my mom wasn't working all the time. Her hours are ridiculous. And her social life is very bad, she has little to no friends.. I try to call her almost everyday even though I'm in knoxville. I love my mother a lot.

I just feel sometimes selfish. Like I should be back home helping her. I can't even work and go to school. If I was to work my income and my moms income would be over $40,000. So I would lose over $15000+ or so in scholarships. I have the pell grant and some other UT specific scholarships..

I don't know what to do guys. I want to give my mother a better life. She can't do this for the rest of her life...She raised me so well, but couldn't ever raise my younger brother right.. and now he is in a very bad situation. I am worried about all those things.

My relationship with my dad is almost nonexistent, as he used to help my mom with bills the first couple months they separated, but now he claims he can't afford too. And while my mom could officially divorce him, my younger brother is almost 18, so she wouldn't even get child support for long.

Ugh. Sorry for anyone who read this. thanks if you did.
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Hey man, I understand where you're coming from. My family went thru a light version of that. There no way I can fully empathize, as my family didn't see the issue as deep as you've experienced, but I've been there. I had just gone off to college and didn't know everything that was going on. But, the short of it is in the crash, my dad lost his real estate business and we went thru bankruptcy. It was hard to see my parents so stressed and worried. I felt guilty for being at school as asking for money for books. The feelings sucked, as I'm sure you know.

What got us through was faith in Jesus. I'm not trying to be a bible thumper or anything like that at all. This was my family's personal experience and I hope it helps you. My parents are both people that "made it out" of poverty in their families. But in that time, we felt like we had just fallen back into the pattern of every one else.

The advice I have is to stay the course, and rely on God to get you thru. It seems dumb to do that, especially if God isn't some one you believe in or do. But it helped me when I was in a hard spot. When you're going through hell, keep going. Don't give up. Keep your belief strong and don't let the lie of it being your fault take root. Throw that crap away. Fight through it. It's tough, it sucks, but giving it your best shot and asking God for help is the best you can do.

I hope this helps. Again, not trying to start a religion argument with anyone on here. Just sharing what has been a driving force in my life that's led me through a lot of brokenness and tough places. God bless.
 
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#18
#18
2for2VOL said:
Hey man, I understand where you're coming from. My family went thru a light version of that. There no way I can fully empathize, as my family didn't see the issue as deep as you've experienced, but I've been there. I had just gone off to college and didn't know everything that was going on. But, the short of it is in the crash, my dad lost his real estate business and we went thru bankruptcy. It was hard to see my parents so stressed and worried. I felt guilty for being at school as asking for money for books. The feelings sucked, as I'm sure you know.

What got us through was faith in Jesus. I'm not trying to be a bible thumper or anything like that at all. This was my family's personal experience and I hope it helps you. My parents are both people that "made it out" of poverty in their families. But in that time, we felt like we had just fallen back into the pattern of every one else.

The advice I have is to stay the course, and rely on God to get you thru. It seems dumb to do that, especially if God isn't some one you believe in or do. But it helped me when I was in a hard spot. When you're going through hell, keep going. Don't give up. Keep your belief strong and don't let the lie of it being your fault take root. Throw that crap away. Fight through it. It's tough, it sucks, but giving it your best shot and asking God for help is the best you can do.

I hope this helps. Again, not trying to start a religion argument with anyone on here. Just sharing what has been a driving force in my life that's led me through a lot of brokenness and tough places. God bless.
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thank you. I am religious, so this helps, my family not so much.
 
#19
#19
VolStudent5 said:
thank you. I am religious, so this helps, my family not so much.
Click to expand...

That's really hard, man. I actually had a cousin die in a wreck from driving drunk two weeks ago. Not his first accident from driving drunk either. He always scoffed when we tried to help him see he needed some standards in life. I know what it's like to see people you love on a dangerous path and it go wrong. But, you also can let false guilt weigh in on you. People make their own decisions. God doesn't put that on you. There's no condemnation for those doing their best to live for Him.

All you can do is take every measure you can to build a life for yourself, and be there for their help when they need it and through prayer. Stay strong. Not everything will always turn out the way we hope, but if you take care of business, you can go in the right direction, and hopefully be able to help others along the way.
 
#20
#20
First off, stay in school.

But if you are looking to help your mother somehow (probably once you get out of college) make sure your major is not psyche.

Psyche is a field that few major businesses look at as helpful and you will get passed over by business majors.

You can make a lot of money if you get a dr before your name and can actually practice but it will take time to build up a customer base.


Secondly, as bad as it is right now your mother will be ok. Watching you walk down the aisle will make it all worth it to her.

Hard times happen to everyone at some point in their life. It is how we deal with these hard times that defines us. Easy times do not define us.

Your mother (by taking on a second job) shows that she buckles down and makes it work when hard times hit. Your father runs.

Be strong and model yourself after your mother. Worker harder. And trust me, in about 5 years this will just be a bad memory you talk about when you all get together.

Good luck!
 
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#23
#23
zreeves said:
you can't feel bad for other peoples actions. you have to do what is best for yourself. it sounds selfish, but it is what it is. if you do what is best for yourself, you can take care of everything else later. you can't hold yourself accountable for other people ****ing up. every person i know is a **** up and it is what it is. you cant feel responsible for that. as far as the "depression" goes, maybe see a therapist? i mean i saw one and it didnt help me but it works for some people. i have a feeling a psychologist would tell you to control what you can and not get worked up about things you have no control over. as the guy with the elmer fudd avatar said, psych is a ****ty major, especially if youre trying to make money. even with a masters, you will be struggling for a job in a market that is saturated by psychology majors
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wth? Son of Bosgap?
 
#24
#24
VolStudent5 said:
This will be a long post. sorry.

My mom and dad separated six months ago. I'm a student at UT. I need to give some background info so you can fully understand my situation.

My parents raised me together and I had a great childhood. Although I wasn't really close with my dad. I was always a momma's boy. My dad was kinda just "there." So we Lived a middle class life in a decent sized house, that I took for granted. Little did I know when the recession hit, my dad started struggling with his work. He got laid off, and had a heart attack weeks later. Medical bills had my family selling the house, and they then decided to rent. We rented for a couple of months, but then my dad still wasn't working that much. So we had to move again, and rent again, this time in Dickson, TN. Where I hated living. But by this time i was old enough and lucky enough to get accepted into UT. So I didn't have to stay there, but for during the summer.

As soon as school started this August my parents separated and my mom is now raising my younger brother who is 17 all by herself. My dad has been on drugs for the past couple years ever since his job situation started to suck, most likely xanax or some sort of benzo, as he acts really slow. We actually had a huge confrontation about it over the summer. I never cuss in front of my parents, but one night I couldn't stand it. I went off on him. And called him a "mf drug addict" after i had gotten word from my mom that he had been threatening her. I won't go into details about this, but he did it in subtle ways. I also didn't appreciate how he wouldn't stand up and discipline my younger brother who would repeatedly call my mom the b and c word.

My younger brother has issues himself. And I'll keep this very short, but to summarize he has anxiety issues and he is what i call a "spoiled brat" who takes his issues out on our mom. So me going off this summer on my dad was a combination of things, and maybe I should have directed some of it to my younger brother. I feel like I have been a very bad older brother, as I have never gotten onto him like I should for the way he treats my mom.I just always felt like my dad should parent him, and me to play more of a brother roll. So one night I called the police on him once because my brother got aggressive with my mom and ever since my relationship with him has been terrible. I don't talk to him often. He is a high school drop out and plans to move to kentucky with his girlfriend when he turns 18 this summer. I am nervous for him because he has no money and it won't work out.. I know it won't. he is to young.

Additionally, i'm depressed because my mother just got her second job. She now has no off days. She works all day as a pet groomer Monday- Thursday, and works as a waitress now from Friday- Sunday. Pet grooming is very hard on her as she has to pick up big animals, and she is getting older. Her mental state is deteriorating as well. She is barely making it on her own.. She misses bills every month. I feel terrible, that she is back in Nashville with my younger brother in a crappy neighborhood trying to get by.

I wish I could change things, I wish my brother wasn't having to take his GED, i wish he was going to be able to go to college. I wish i could go back in time and parent him when my parents couldn't. I wish my mom wasn't working all the time. Her hours are ridiculous. And her social life is very bad, she has little to no friends.. I try to call her almost everyday even though I'm in knoxville. I love my mother a lot.

I just feel sometimes selfish. Like I should be back home helping her. I can't even work and go to school. If I was to work my income and my moms income would be over $40,000. So I would lose over $15000+ or so in scholarships. I have the pell grant and some other UT specific scholarships..

I don't know what to do guys. I want to give my mother a better life. She can't do this for the rest of her life...She raised me so well, but couldn't ever raise my younger brother right.. and now he is in a very bad situation. I am worried about all those things.

My relationship with my dad is almost nonexistent, as he used to help my mom with bills the first couple months they separated, but now he claims he can't afford too. And while my mom could officially divorce him, my younger brother is almost 18, so she wouldn't even get child support for long.

Ugh. Sorry for anyone who read this. thanks if you did.
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Don't be a whiner....I went to UT from 69-74, worked full time, with no financial support and no loans or grants.....I graduated with money in the bank....went to work and obtained an MBA from Columbia while working and raising a family...get a plan and get to work......and although I like to think I am, I'm not all that special....or, the world needs ditch diggers too I suppose....
 
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#25
#25
Spartacavolus said:
If you go back, just fast forward @ 20+ years and you'll probably still be in the same spot. Jm harsh opinion, coming from a family with multiple issues that sucks others in. I'm the only one that got out. Out of @ a dozen or so.
Click to expand...

Excellent advice. Stay in school. Make something of yourself. THAT is the way to help your mom. I went to college back in 96. Left in 97 to "help" my mom + grandma out. Trust me, it was the worst move of my life. I found out that I couldn't help them. And I severely setback my own personal growth and development. I got a job soon after returning home from California. And I still do the same **** now. Nearly 20 years later. I know it is tough. But stay strong. And CERTAINLY stay in school. It seems tough now, but you still have options. The worst thing in life to have is regrets. I'm carrying around a suitcase full of them.
 
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