"Do It For Ted"

#32
#32
GASOUTHERNVOL said:
After dying the first thing Kennedy thought was: "My God, so there is an
afterlife!" The next thing he thought was, "I don't have brain cancer
anymore. I feel like a kid of 20 again!" Then, his next thought was, "Why am
I in a car, and why is it filling slowly with water?" Panicked, he pounded
on the door but it wouldn't open. He tried shattering the glass, but only
succeeded in breaking the bones in his hands. He searched, but couldn't find
anything in the car to help him escape. Slowly, the car filled, until only
his head was above water, then only his lips in an air gap an inch wide at
the top of the car, then the cold water filled his lungs and he began
suffocating...his last thought was, "Why isn't anyone coming to help me?"
Then, nothing -

He awoke in a car that slowly filling with water - wait, not water, but
acid. And it was slowly dissolving his body - -


He awoke in a car that was slowly filling with urine --


He awoke in a car that was slowly filling with molten lava --


He awoke in a car that was slowly filling with vomit --


He awoke in a car that was slowly filling with blood and guts --


Finally, after an interminable age of continuously dying, he realized that
the God he worshipped in life *had* answered his him, and that he was going
to face an eternity atoning for the major sins he had committed in his
life...


"My God," he wailed aloud in a car that was slowly filling with radioactive
sludge, "I would have never become a liberal, NWO type, if I had known you
were a conservative republican..."


Even in death, Sen. Kennedy didn't get it, that he was too stupid to see the
truth and would remain stupid for all Eternity... sigh.
Click to expand...

Ted was once asked if he met Mary Jo's parents in the after life what would he say??

He said he'd cross that bridge when he got to it.

Now he has his chance.

(With appologies to Jeff.)

1. If you every drove a car off a bridge……… Your name might be Theodore.

2. If you were married for 12 years, had two children and got the marriage annulled……… Your name might be Theodore.

3. If you and Chris Dodd made waitress sandwiches……… Your name might be Theodore.

4. If you ever caught cheating on a test and were expelled Harvard ……… Your name might be Theodore.

5. If you ever said "Do we operate under a system of equal justice under law? Or is there one system for the average citizen and another for the high and mighty?" ……… Your name might be Theodore.

6. If you ever had an affair with the family’s 14 year old babysitter……… Your name might be Theodore.

7. If your brothers' both had an affair with Marilyn Monroe……… Your name might be Theodore.

8. If your dad was a notorious bootlegger.......Your name might be Theodore.

9. If your President ever had to recall your dad from his ambassadorship to England because of his Nazi sympathies.........Your name might be Theodore.

10. If one of your former aides is now the most liberal socialist sitting on the Supreme Court..........Your name might be Theodore.

11. If the only KKK member senator wants to rename a helth care bil the Kennedy bill.........Your name might be Theodore.

12. If all the heros in Arlington turn over in their graves when you are buried........Your name might be Theodore.

13. If you were expelled a second time from Harvard for paying someone else to cheat for you.........Your name might be Theodore.

14. If you were expelled from Harvard and joined the army and thought you were signing for two years but signed up for four............Your name might be Theodore.

15. If your dad got your enlistment knocked down to two years and made sure you were assigned to Europe rather than Korea where a war was raging......Your name might be Theodore.

16. If you were assigned to Paris and never reached a rank above private..........Your name might be Theodore.

(I once visited a service friend in Paris, there was no base there then, he was payed per diem and had his own apartment, and ate in nice resturants daily, I'd bet Teddy boy had the same deal.)gs

17. If while attending law school at the University of Virginia , you were cited for reckless driving four times, including once when you were clocked driving 90 miles per hour in a residential neighborhood with your headlights off after dark and your Virginia driver’s license was never revoked..........Your name might be Theodore.

18. If in 1964, you were seriously injured in a plane crash, and hospitalized for several months and test results done by the hospital at the time you were admitted had shown you were legally intoxicate and the results of those tests remained a “state secret” until in the 1980’s when the report was unsealed.............Your name might be Theodore.

19. If you can't remember the 911 number for twelve hours..........Your name might be Theodore.

20. If you have served forty years in the senate and have prescious little to show for it..........Your name might be Theodore.

21. If in your very first Senate roll you were the floor manager for the bill that turned U.S. immigration policy upside down and opened the floodgate for millions of immigrants from third world countries.........Your name might be Theodore.

22. If since that time, you have been the prime instigator and author of every expansion of an increase in immigration, up to and including the latest attempt to grant amnesty to illegal aliens........Your name might be Theodore.

23. If you are known around Washington as a public drunk, loud, boisterous and very disrespectful to ladies........Your name might be Theodore.

24. If you motto is; 'a blond in every pond'..........Your name might be Theadore.

25. If a document from the KGB archives reveals that you reached out to the General Secretary of the Soviet Union’s Communist Party, Yuri Andropov, to propose a kind of public relations strategy to counter President Reagan’s defense policy initiatives toward the Soviet Union..........Your name might be Theodore.

26. If you are pushing health bill is known S.P.L.A.S.H. for short..........Your name might be Theadore..

S enior
P rotection
L ife
A ssurance
S upplemental
H ealth

27. If you helped the president of Communist Broadcasting System get his position.......Your name might be Theadore.

28. I you were unable to resign because you were unable to carry out your duties........You name might be Theadore.

29. If you had $40 million deposited tax free into your bank account the day you were born..........Your name might be Theodore.

30. If you made a political carreer on the backs of Irish immigrants but were really descended from British aristocracy............Your name might be Theodore.

31. Your name might be Theodore even if you didn't have a brother called 'beaver.'

32. If you had a brother who recieved a top Navy medal for courage while the commander of the Pacific Fleet said he should have been court marshalled.........Your name might be Theodore.

Feel free to add on.
 
#33
#33
33. If you block the building of energy efficient wind turbines in the most advantageous location in America because they would create a one inch profile on the horizon blocking your view from your palatial guraded compound.........Your name might be Theodore.
 
#34
#34
34. If they ever mistakenly put you between Lucy and Snoopy in the Macy's parade...your name might be Theodore.
 
#35
#35
rekinhavoc said:
34. If they ever mistakenly put you between Lucy and Snoopy in the Macy's parade...your name might be Theodore.
Click to expand...

:eek:lol:

35. If you couldn't beat Jimmy Carter for the democrat presidential nomination........Your name might be Theodore.
 
#36
#36
Famous Kennedy quotes:

John F. Kennedy; "And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."

Bobby Kennedy; "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not."

Ted Kennedy; "Hey babe, you come here often."
 
#37
#37
Obama's new health care motto:

Win One For The Lecher

turdkennedya1web6ag.gif
 
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