Favorite UT or UF jokes

#1
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FriendlyGator

Gator Fan in Clemson Land
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#1
I think the jokes between our fan bases are some of the best ones out there. What are you favorite ones?

Q: Why are there no prostitutes in Tennessee?

A: Because they're all Volunteers!

Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee?

A: Because anywhere else it'd be called the teethbrush!

:):dance2::rock:
 
#2
#2
FriendlyGator said:
I think the jokes between our fan bases are some of the best ones out there. What are you favorite ones?

Q: Why are there no prostitutes in Tennessee?

A: Because they're all Volunteers!

Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee?

A: Because anywhere else it'd be called the teethbrush!

:):dance2::rock:
Click to expand...

Ouch. I actually like the first one :)
 
#3
#3
sometimes reality is the most humorous of all.

how do you get to florida from knoxville?

drive south until you start to feel really, really stupid, then head east until you feel like you want to have sex with your sister.
 
#4
#4
tm3 said:
sometimes reality is the most humorous of all.

how do you get to florida from knoxville?

drive south until you start to feel really, really stupid, then head east until you feel like you want to have sex with your sister.
Click to expand...

She's only my sister through marriage :whistling:
 
#6
#6
STATE OF TENNESSEE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

Name: ________________
(last)
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)

Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:

(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Un-employed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:

(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________

Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?

(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:



Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:

(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:

(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?

(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know
 
#8
#8
:hi:
tm3 said:
sometimes reality is the most humorous of all.

how do you get to florida from knoxville?

drive south until you start to feel really, really stupid, then head east until you feel like you want to have sex with your sister.
Click to expand...
 
#10
#10
I like the residency applicaiton post. I think the Florida residency application probably looks something like this:

1. Are you 65 years of age or older? If not, please provide the name of your parole officer or state the name of the penal institution from which your most recently escaped.
 
#11
#11
Lane Kiffin goes into the doctorÂ’s office and says that his body hurts wherever he touches it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

Kiffin takes his finger, pushes on his stomach and screams, then he pushes his elbow and screams in even more agony. He pushes his knee and screams; likewise he pushes his ankle and screams. Everywhere he touches makes him scream.

The doctor says, “You must be Lane Kiffin?”

“Why, yes” he says, “How did you know?”

“I thought so, you idiot” the doctor says. “Your finger is broken.”
 
#12
#12
VolunteerHillbilly said:
I like the residency applicaiton post. I think the Florida residency application probably looks something like this:

1. Are you 65 years of age or older?

If yes, are you mentally able to vote?

If not, please provide the name of your parole officer or state the name of the penal institution from which your most recently escaped.
Click to expand...
I had to fix this for you.
 
#14
#14
FriendlyGator said:
I think the jokes between our fan bases are some of the best ones out there. What are you favorite ones?

Q: Why are there no prostitutes in Tennessee?

A: Because they're all Volunteers!

Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee?

A: Because anywhere else it'd be called the teethbrush!

:):dance2::rock:
Click to expand...

Q.- What do you have when you put 32 Gator football players together?

A. - A full set of teeth.
 
#15
#15
Two boys from Alabama were playing sandlot football, when one of the boys was attacked by a rabid dog. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board from a nearby fence, wedges it under the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck, thereby saving his friends life. A Birmingham television reporter hears of the courageous act and rushes over to interview the boy.
"YOUNG AUBURN FAN SAVES FRIEND FROM VICIOUS ANIMAL" he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not an Auburn fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry," said the reporter, "since we are in Alabama
and you were wearing blue and orange, I just assumed
you were." He starts writing again.
"ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE FAN RESCUES FRIEND FROM HORRIFIC ATTACK" he jots in his notebook.
"But I'm not an Alabama fan either," the boy responds.
"I assumed that everyone in the state of Alabama
was either an Auburn or Alabama fan. Who do you root
for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Florida Gator fan," the boy replied.
The reporter starts with a clean sheet of paper from
his notebook and scribbles:
"LITTLE REDNECK BASTARD KILLS BELOVED FAMILY PET"
 
#17
#17
Q. - Why is the Florida mascot a Gator?
A. - It was the only thing ugly enough.

Q. - What is the first thing they teach new recruits joining the team?
A. - That the quarterback is NOT the change from a food stamp.

Q. - How can you become a small-business owner in Florida?
A. - Get a large business and let a Florida grad run it for you.

Q. -How did the University of Florida police slow down the sex on campus?
A. -They banned Family Reunions.
 
#19
#19
Q. How may UT football players does it take to play an entire football game?
A. More than they have available, and on scholarship... :eek:lol:...:ermm:...... :cray:
 
#20
#20
Not sure if we're crackin on Bama too since tm3 chimed in, but here goes...



Q. - How do you circumcise a Crimson Tide football player?

A. - Kick his sister in the mouth!
 
#21
#21
A Tennessee grad, an FSU grad, and a Florida grad are waiting to be executed by firing squad. The UT grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the UT grad to jump over the wall and escape. The FSU grad is next, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad again panics and runs away, so the FSU grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The Florida grad is last. As he is waiting to be executed, he remembers what the UT and FSU grads had done to escape, so he yells, "Fire!"
 
#22
#22
VolMaster14 said:
Not sure if we're crackin on Bama too since tm3 chimed in, but here goes...
Click to expand...

my avatar is confusing sometimes because of the fine print, but i am most definitely not a bammer.

now for my all time favorite ...

what is the difference between a florida girl and a bowling ball?
 
#23
#23
Two Tennessee students were standing out in the middle of Cumberland Avenue in front of Sam and Andy's, jumping up and down on a manhole, yelling "THIRTEEN! THIRTEEN!" A blue and orange clad Gator goof, er fan, came up and asked them what they were doing. The students replied that they were playing a new game. The Gator fan asked if he could play as well. The UT students thought for a moment and then said "Sure!" Soon enough, the Gator fan was jumping up and down on the manhole yelling "THIRTEEN! THIRTEEN!" As quickly as they could, the two VOL students jerked the cover off of the manhole, watched the Gator fan fall into the abyss, and replaced the manhole cover. They looked at each other, grinned, high fived, and then started jumping up and down on the manhole yelling "FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN!"
 
#24
#24
tm3 said:
my avatar is confusing sometimes because of the fine print, but i am most definitely not a bammer.

now for my all time favorite ...

what is the difference between a florida girl and a bowling ball?
Click to expand...

:dunno:

***EDIT*** CONGRATS on not being a Bammer!!!!!
 
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