Favorite UT or UF jokes

#51
#51
What is the definition of safe sex down in Gainesville?
Placing signs on the animals that kick.

What should you do if you find three Gators buried up to their necks in cement?
Get more cement!

A FSU grad, a Miami grad, and a Florida grad are waiting to be executed by firing squad. The FSU grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the FSU grad to jump over the wall and escape. The Miami grad is next, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad again panics and runs away, so the Miami grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The Florida grad is last. As he is waiting to be executed, he remembers that the FSU and Miami grads had done, so he yells, "Fire!"
 
#52
#52
A man walks into a store and says, "I would like a orange hat, blue pants, green sweater, and white shoes." The clerk says, "Are you a Gator fan?" "Yes," replies the man, "How did you guess--by the color combination?" "No," answers the clerk, "because this is a hardware store."

There was a couple who were getting divorced, so the judge said to the child, "Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with your Dad?" "No," said the child, "he beats me." "Do you want to live with your Mom?" "No, she beats me too." "Well who do you want to live with?" "I want to live with a Gator Fan." Confused, the judge asked, "Why?" The child replied, "Because they never beat anybody that's good!"


Why couldn't UF have a nativity scene this past Christmas?
They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.
 
#53
#53
Three students went to the Olympics in Atlanta. One was a Nole, one was a cane and one was a gator. They had almost no money to start with so by the time they got to Atlanta they had no money for tickets to the events. The Seminole put a pair of sneakers around his neck, went up to the basketball venue and said "Johnson, Florida State University, basketball." The security guard let him in. The cane got the message. He put a pair of track shoes around his neck, went up to the track venue and said "Smith, University of Miami, track." The security guard let him in. The gator thought he had it. He saw a roll of barb wire by the side of the road, picked it up and threw it over his shoulder. He went up to the nearest venue and said "Miller, University of Florida, fencing."

Top 10 Classes at UF.
1) Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F" ?
2) Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
3) Sandwich Making: A Project Course
4) Hand-Shadow Workshop
5) Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
6) Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
7) Hooked on Phonics
8) The College Classroom: A Simulation
9) ABC's: An Extended Version
10) Literature: Coloring inside the lines
 
#56
#56
tm3 said:
my avatar is confusing sometimes because of the fine print, but i am most definitely not a bammer.

now for my all time favorite ...

what is the difference between a florida girl and a bowling ball?
Click to expand...

You could eat a bowling ball if you had to...
 
#59
#59
One day a teacher asked her class, "How many of you like the Vols?" All of the class raised their hands except for one little girl.
The teacher asked, "If you don't like the Vols, whom do you like?"
The little girl said, "I like the Gators!"
The teacher then asked her why she liked the Gators. The girl replied, "My Mommy is a Gator and my Daddy is a Gator so that makes me a Gator!"
The teacher then asked," Well, if your Mommy was a moron and your Daddy was a moron what would that make you?"
The little girl said," That would make me a Vol!
 
#60
#60
they're funnier if you can't just copy/paste any team's name in them
 
#61
#61
Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
They can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting of Sunday, and to pick up trash on Monday
 
#62
#62
My favorite will always be.... You can't spell Citrus without UT and Rocky Top you'll always be 2nd in the SEC.
 
#64
#64
tngator15 said:
My favorite will always be.... You can't spell Citrus without UT and Rocky Top you'll always be 2nd in the SEC.
Click to expand...

the irony of it coming from the current HC of USCjr is awesome. His fans will accept both every year
 
#66
#66
utvolpj said:
the irony of it coming from the current HC of USCjr is awesome. His fans will accept both every year
Click to expand...

Ironically, I don't like Spurrier. He avoids interview questions all the time so, I , as a fan never hear anything out of him now a days.
 
#67
#67
orangetaz said:
A UF and a UT fan were driving in opposite directions one dark stormy night and the had a collision in the middile of the road. Both of them survived and were happy to so. To celebrate the UT FAN said to the UF fan "lets have a drink" and he pulled a bottle of Jack from the trunk of his car. The VOL poured the to a drink and said "lets put our differences behind us" The FL fan drank up and the said "go ahead my friend" and the UT fan said "no thanks ill wait until the cops arrive"
Click to expand...

My favorite! Was gonna post it but u beat me
Posted via VolNation Mobile
 
#69
#69
tngator15 said:
One day a teacher asked her class, "How many of you like the Vols?" All of the class raised their hands except for one little girl.
The teacher asked, "If you don't like the Vols, whom do you like?"
The little girl said, "I like the Gators!"
The teacher then asked her why she liked the Gators. The girl replied, "My Mommy is a Gator and my Daddy is a Gator so that makes me a Gator!"
The teacher then asked," Well, if your Mommy was a moron and your Daddy was a moron what would that make you?"
The little girl said," That would make me a Vol!
Click to expand...

See Post #36 your late!
 
#71
#71
Tebow and Urban are on the sideline of last years game when they spot Smokie across the field licking himself where dogs sometimes lick themselves. Timmy elbows Urban and say "Look at that coach. Dang I wish I could do that." Urban shakes his head and says "Timmy, that dog'll bite you".
 
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