LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.
LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.
I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.
I am afraid that theyll know I said it. Ill walk past an LSU fan someday, and hell see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs? The next thing you know, Ill have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how they smell you know, like corn dogs.
LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue. I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, Wow, LSU sure does have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game.
Its hard. I know. Its like when youre having sex and you try to think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: Gee, I wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?; or Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person? or What did that giant corn dog just say? or Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell? or, of course, after a silencer: Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?
Heck, after what Ive heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. Thats okay.
You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But dont be obvious about it. Somehow they know youre trying not to breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. Theyll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what youre doing.
If you do breathe it in long enough, though, itll permeate your whole body, and then youll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But dont say, Dang, now I smell like a corn dog. They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just dont say it. If you do start smelling like a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?
I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression indicating they smell corn dogs might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, thats dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive on some other weekend.
I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff. What puzzles me most is that Ive never actually seen any of these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe theres no mystery there maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows? Maybe theres a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there. Maybe, theres a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Dont comment on it though. Its not politically correct over there. Its like a malnutrition issue or something. Its like the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something.
I know when you go to Baton Rouge, youre thinking: Ahhhh. Here I am in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Ill bet the people here smell just like boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe or some fancy Cajun food. But just stop thinking that. Thats just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.
In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog odor. And dont try masking the odor with something stronger. Theyll curse at you. Theyll say something like: WTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home, or WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs? and theyll cuss out your kids too: WTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesnt want to smell like corn dogs.
Cajuns are not like us. Dont you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the Bammers and the UGA Dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but dont press your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Dont refer to Death Valley as corn dog valley either. I mean thats just wrong. Even if youve been drinking, theyll beat you up and curse out your kids.
Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction even if youre laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex or whatever. If you cant control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their corn dog body odor from a distance or that youre choking on it or something. Theyll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort.
So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.
Enough with this corn dog talk. Lets play ball
