Give me some ammo - BAMMER JOKES

#26
#26
Q. What do you call a genius at Alabama?
A. Visitor.

Q. Whats the difference between Alabama and cheerios?
A. One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!

Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Alabama football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!


A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.

Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work."

The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear.

He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds.

Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!"
 
#27
#27
There was a GA farmer and a Alabama farmer whos farms shared a wood across the GA-AL border. One day the Ga farmer was walking in his woods and saw a wolf caught in a trap. He went home and called the AL farmer and said one of your Alabama wolves is caught in a trap in my woods. The AL farmer demanded how he knew it was a AL wolf. The Ga Farmer said "Well, he has already chewed off three of his feet and is still caught in the trap."
 
#28
#28
what is the difference between Bryant Denny stadium and a porcupine?


All the pricks are on the outside of a porcupine
 
#29
#29
Hil-arious!! Thanks y'all. I'm telling some of these to some kids too so I will not use the nasty ones.
 
#30
#30
A`Tennessee fan, an Auburn fan, and an Alabama fan are traveling through the rural South. Their car breaks down near a farm on the outskirts of Sardis, Mississippi. They trudge up to the house in search of help. The farmer informs them that the local garage is closed for the night, but they can stay on the farm. There is one problem, the farmer advises, one of the travelers will have to sleep in the barn. The Tennessee fan, who was raised on a dairy farm in Tazewell, says he'll sleep in the barn. The group retires for the evening. Shortly thereafter, the Vol fan comes back to the farmhouse and awakens his cohorts. The stench from the pig pen next to the barn is too much for him, having never been around swine before. The Auburn grad laughs and says he'll sleep out there because that won't bother an Auburn grad. After the passage of some time, the Tiger fan returns. The smell from the chicken coop is too much for him, he's never smelled anything so foul. The 'Bama grad laughs and ridicules his fellow travelers on the way to the barn. After twenty minutes, there's a commotion at the door. It's the pigs and the chickens.
 
#31
#31
Hope this one is not too bad for y'all.....here goes

What is the definition of 'relative humidity' in the state of alabama?

watching the sweat roll down yer sister's back as you do her from behind!
 
#33
#33
Tennessee state laws (no jokes)


_It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish


_It is legal to gather and consume roadkill


_You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile

_You may not have more than 5 inoperable vehicles on a piece of property


_Driving is not to be done while asleep


_When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are comin

_Panhandlers must first obtain a 10 dollar permit before begging on the streets of downtown Memphis

_Hollow logs may not be sold


_It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 pm


_ an ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song "It Aint Gonna Rain No Mo"

_More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
 
#34
#34
What is the difference between Alabama and a bass.

One is a bottom feeding scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
 
#35
#35
LardButtPhil said:
Tennessee state laws (no jokes)


_It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish


_It is legal to gather and consume roadkill


_You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile

_You may not have more than 5 inoperable vehicles on a piece of property


_Driving is not to be done while asleep


_When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are comin

_Panhandlers must first obtain a 10 dollar permit before begging on the streets of downtown Memphis

_Hollow logs may not be sold


_It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 pm


_ an ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song "It Aint Gonna Rain No Mo"

_More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
Click to expand...

Nice.
 
#37
#37
Q: What is the difference between a dollar bill and the Alabama Crimson Tide?
A: A dollar bill is good for 4 quarters.
 
#39
#39
Q: Why are there 2 teams from Alabama in the SEC?
A: There was so much crap in Tuskaloosa they had to start another pile.
 
#40
#40
Q: Why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Alabama?
A: It's too hard on the mule.
 
#41
#41
Q: What does a sand castle and the Volunteer football team have in common?

A: They both look good until the Tide rolls in.
 
#42
#42
Q: What's the difference between a Alabama cheerleader and an elephant?
A: About 50 pounds.
Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Force feed the elephant.




 A former UA football player was having a hard time graduating from college after his glory years as a star defensive end.
After 8 years as an undergrad, the alumni and faculty were becoming embarrassed. "How can we get him out of here?" they asked.
Finally, one professor came up with an idea. "Let's put him in front of the student body and let them ask him one question. If he gets it right, we'll give him a diploma."
So they put the UA student in front of the entire student body. The student body opted to ask him the question: "What is one plus one?"
He received his question and he thought...and thought...and finally, after 10-suspense filled seconds, he shouted "Two!!" "AWWWWWW", cried the student body. "Give him another chance!"
 
#43
#43
How many Tennessee fans does it take to make popcorn?

Eleven. One to hold the pan, and ten to shake the stove.
 
#44
#44
The greatest Bama joke of all:They elected George Wallace multiple times. That doesn't need a punch line.
 
#45
#45
Here's a real oldie but goodie:

A goofy big ol' BAMA boy comes to tryouts as a walk on. He's just standing there and doesn't know what to do. The Bear sees him just standing there and decides to toss him the ball to see what he can do. The Bear asks him, "Son, you think you can pass this ball?" He clumsily catches the ball and in his best Alabama lingo grins and replies, "I reckon if I can swallow it, I can pass it!"
 
#47
#47
A Bammer came home from and extended (ahem) "hunting trip" and announced to his wife: "Honey, I'm sorry but I guess I have to tell you. I've brought home a case of ghonorrea."
She repied: "Oh, that's ok, honey. Anythings better than that damnned Pabst Blue Ribbon."
 
#48
#48
Try this one.

Alabama was playing Okeefenokee State Junior College in football at Bryant Denny Stadium. The game was knotted at 0-0 with under 3 minutes left in the fourth quarter. All of a sudden a drunk Bammer pulled out a .45 pistol and fired a round into the sky with a thunderous boom.
OKeefenokee thought the gunshot was the end of the game and left the field for the dressing room.
Alabama scored 4 plays later but missed the two point conversion.
 
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