How to handle a crazy wife?

#102
#102
OP, I would have been gone long ago. I simply wouldn't put up with that behavior. If you don't treat her that way, and you shouldn't, then you can't let her treat you that way.

I think a big problem with many relationships is a fundamental lack of boundaries. Both parties need to set boundaries of acceptable/unacceptable behavior early in the relationship and not wavior.

The ultimate way of enforcing boundaries is to be willing to walk away if those boundaries are crossed. It sounds like you don't have the heart to walk away and she knows it. This creates a real imbalance in the relationship; on top of the trust issues (which is ought to be a boundary).
 
#105
#105
I probably shouldn't divulge such things but every time I see this thread title in the list, I start singing to myself "How To Handle A Woman" from Camelot. Dammit, I love showtunes.
 
#107
#107
Crazies are the most fun. Lol. No you have to be supportive. My wife use to do the same thing. I think part of it is having a child throws the body way out of whack and can take years to get it back. And some women lack self confidence and that's a reason. My advice which worked great was to stay calm not be defensive and understand it was my job to put her mind at ease. Now and we are 20 years in it has built a great base for the marriage. Wouldn't trade mine for anything. And it was part of the baseless accusations that put us there if I'm being honest. To me it showed she cared enough to worry about it and loved me enough to work through the issues. Therapist can help but we never saw one. Age helped the most, that's and I never had any interest in other women. Yep my wife was and still is super Hott. Capital h with two t's. Also great point has been mentioned. When you decide to get married and start a family that should be your life. When I'm home which is right after work I am theirs all of me. When I'm at work I still talk to them when possible. That's part of easing her mind and I feel what a small part of my job is. It's about making your wife your best friend and her in return
 
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#108
#108
pismonque said:
Oh boy. I generally don't weigh in on this type of thing because nobody should ever take advice from me, but there's a glaring point I have to mention.

In all of the things you've said about your wife in these posts, there isn't much that reads like you see her as a life-size human being. You've said she's crazy, she's hot, she's suspicious, whatever, but it all seems oddly dismissive of your wife the person, as opposed to your wife the hot crazy thing.

I understand we're only getting a sliver of the whole picture and I really don't mean to throw stones at you at all, but from the few sentences you've offered I can totally get that you love your kid but I don't get that at all about your wife.

It just makes me wonder if she's picked up on the notion that your appreciation of her is somewhat superficial, especially now that she sees you with your kid and sees what it looks like when you truly love somebody. If so, she'd have to think that your commitment to her will only last until her hotness fades and, having had a baby not long ago, she's likely been feeling that it already has to some degree. It's not such a leap to get to her suspicions, unfounded though they may be.

Before you write her off, try getting to know her with your blinders on and ride that out a while. Then she'll know you're with her for who she is and not what she is.

Sorry if all that sounded preachy or insulting. But I wish all three of you good luck and happy times as a family.
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Totally agree and this was my first thought as well and is spot on. Depression is a real thing with some new mothers and some of what you are experiencing could be related to that - if this behavior started after the birth.

It sounds like you need to put her first and put her on a pedestal. When was the last time you got a babysitter and took her out (your idea, not hers). She needs to recognize your commitment to her to rebuild those securities. Since she was cheated on previously, you definitely have your work cut out for her.

What is her love language? If you don't know, then that is part of the problem. I highly recommend you read the book or spend time on this website Home | The 5 Love Languages® | Improving Millions of Relationships… One Language at a Time.. Everybody has a different love language they speak. Some are acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time or physical touch. Find out what makes her tick and focus your attention there. It goes a long way in making her secure and happy.

Good luck and make this your highest priority. I've been married 25 years and it's worked so far.
 
#109
#109
If you wife is that insecure, she will learn to trust you or you'll be divorced before you know it. My guess is divorce.
 
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