Official Bama Joke thread

#1
G

GoodoleRockyTop

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#1
Everyone tell us a joke.........

What is the difference between a Bama fan and a mosquito??



You slap a mosquito and it will stop SUCKING!!!!!!!!!!

:lolabove: :post-4-1090547912: :shaking2: :rofl:
 
#3
#3
What's the number one lie told in the state of Alabama?


Honest, Officer, I was just trying to help that sheep over the fence.
 
#4
#4
A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!"
 
#5
#5
Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diploma on the dash of their car?

So they can park in the handicapped spots! :dance2:
 
#6
#6
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PUPPY AND BAMA FAN ?

AFTER A FEW WEEKS THE PUPPY QUITS WHINEING!!!

OLDIE BUT A GOODY:dance2:
 
#8
#8
Dear Abby:

I am getting married and I haven't told my fiance about my family. My father is in prison for murder, my sister is a drug addict and prostitute, and my brother plays football for Alabama. Abby my question is, should I tell my fiance my brother plays football for Alabama?

Confused in Alabama
 
#9
#9
A woman and her blind husband were traveling in Alabama and she wanted to go shopping. So she decided to drop him off at a bar and let him have a few beers while she shopped. After a little while the blind man hollered at the bar tender “you wanna hear a bammer joke?” The guy next to him said “I know your blind and may not know where you are so I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and tell you. Mister you’re in the heart of Tide country. The bartender is a pretty big fella and is mean as a snake and he is a Tide grad. I’m over 6 feet tall, a black belt in Karate and I am a Tide man. The 2 guys to your left are both over 300 lbs and are former Alabama linemen. Are you sure you still wanna tell that bammer joke?” The blind man said “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it 4 times!”
 
#10
#10
What's the difference between a maggot and a Bammer fan?

A maggot will only feast on the carcass of a dead Bear for about a week before it gets on with the rest of its life.
 
#11
#11
kcvols1 said:
What's the difference between a maggot and a Bammer fan?

A maggot will only feast on the carcass of a dead Bear for about a week before it gets on with the rest of its life.
Click to expand...

:lolabove:
 
#12
#12
This actually ran in the UA school paper.
My brother goes there & told me this one.


guy 1- "Hey did you hear Leigh Tiffin tried to hang himself?"

guy 2- "No, what happend."

guy 1- "Yeah, he stood up on a chair with the rope around his neck but as hard as he tried he couldn't kick the chair out from under him."
 
#13
#13
guy 1- "Hey did you hear Leigh Tiffin tried to hang himself?"

guy 2- "No, what happend."

guy 1- "Yeah, he stood up on a chair with the rope around his neck but as hard as he tried he couldn't kick the chair out from under him."
Click to expand...

That's a good one....:lolabove:
 
#14
#14
Old003 said:
This actually ran in the UA school paper.
My brother goes there & told me this one.


guy 1- "Hey did you hear Leigh Tiffin tried to hang himself?"

guy 2- "No, what happend."

guy 1- "Yeah, he stood up on a chair with the rope around his neck but as hard as he tried he couldn't kick the chair out from under him."
Click to expand...


I could have!
 
#17
#17
What do a Texas tornado and an Alabama divorce have in common?

Either way, somebody's losin' a trailer! :p
 
#20
#20
I posted a variation of this one some time ago and got wrist-slapped a little :)) ), but since it's Bama week (or Bama 2 weeks), maybe I can get by with it if it's appropriately censored?..lol

How do you keep a Bama player from masurbating?

You paint his :censored: orange, then he'll only beat it once every 10 years! :dance2:
 
#21
#21
A pregnant Tennessee fan, a pregnant Vanderbilt fan, and a pregnant Bama fan are in the OBGYN office getting work done before they have their babies. The Vanderbilt lady says, "I'm going to have a boy!!" The Bama girl asks, "Well, how do you know?" The Vandy girl replies, "Because I was on top."

Then The Tennessee lady says, "I'm going to have a girl!!!" The Bama girl asks, "Well, how do you know??" The Tennessee lady replies, "Because I was on the bottom."

All of a sudden, the Bama girl starts crying hysterically.

The Tennessee and Vanderbilt gals ask, "What's the matter?"

And the Bama girl shouts, "I'M GOING TO HAVE PUPPIES!!!!!!"
 
#22
#22
All Vol! said:
I posted a variation of this one some time ago and got wrist-slapped a little :)) ), but since it's Bama week (or Bama 2 weeks), maybe I can get by with it if it's appropriately censored?..lol

How do you keep a Bama player from masurbating?

You paint his :censored: orange, then he'll only beat it once every 10 years! :dance2:
Click to expand...


:lolabove: :dance2: :rock:
 
#23
#23
A couple from Alabama had just gotten married...They get back to their trailer and the wife says "I have a secret to tell you" The husband asks what it is and she says "I am a virgin.
The husband flips out, grabs her by the hair, drags her outside and throws her into the bed of the truck. He speeds over to her parents house and starts shouting for them to come outside. They come out and ask what the problem is.......

He screams "Iffin she ain't good enough for you she ain't good enough for me!"
 
#24
#24
Why don't they have ice water at Bama games?

The guy who knew the recipe graduated

How did the Bama QB break his leg raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree

What does a teenage girl from Alabama say after sex?

Daddy get off me you are crushing my smokes

What happens when UGA has an away game at Bama?

The Average IQ goes up in both states
 
#25
#25
A graduate from Tennessee, a graduate from Alabama and a pig were in the hospital waiting room, each awaiting the birth of his first child. Suddenly, the lights went out. Fortunately, power was restored shortly thereafter and the head nurse made her way to the waiting room.

"I've got good news and bad news, gentlemen and pig," she announced. Despite the electrical outage, two healthy boys and one healthy piglet have been delivered. However, since the lights went out at the most inopportune time, we aren't sure which first-born belongs to whom. The only way we know to resolve the problem is to draw straws and have the winner choose first."

The three proud papas agreed and the Tennessee grad won the drawing. He was escorted into the delivery room and looked at the three newborns for a painstakingly long time. Finally, with head bowed, he scooped up the piglet and headed for the door

"Sir, are you quite certain that you've made the right choice," the nurse asked "No, I'm not," replied the Volunteers grad. "But I just couldn't run the risk of ending up with the Alabama kid."
 
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