Official Bama Joke thread

#26
#26

It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."
The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
Then one little boy says: "My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject. Later in the school yard the teacher approaches Johnny privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.
He blushed and said, "I'm sorry but my dad coaches football for Alabama and I was just too embarrassed to say so."
 
#27
#27
Football practice in Tuskaloosa was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field.
The head coach, Mike Shula, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
 
#28
#28
A Tennessee fan used to amuse himself by scaring every Alabama fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their obnoxious colors. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, and then he would swerve back on the road just before hitting them.
One day, as the van driver was driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the priest "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Joseph's Church, about five miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and the van continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw a Crimson Tide fan strutting down the road, and instinctively, he swerved as if to hit him. But as usual, just in time, he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the guy. Even though he was certain he missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, but he didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit that Alabama fan."
"That's OK" replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
 
#29
#29
You're stranded on a deserted island with three people: a cannibal, a mass murderer, and a guy in a Alabama hat. You have gun with only two bullets remaining. Who do you shoot?
The Alabama fan... twice.
 
#30
#30
What do the Alabama offense and Billy Graham have in common?

They can make a stadium full of people say "Oh Jesus"
 
#31
#31
tvolsfan said:
A Tennessee fan used to amuse himself by scaring every Alabama fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their obnoxious colors. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, and then he would swerve back on the road just before hitting them.
One day, as the van driver was driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the priest "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Joseph's Church, about five miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and the van continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw a Crimson Tide fan strutting down the road, and instinctively, he swerved as if to hit him. But as usual, just in time, he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the guy. Even though he was certain he missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, but he didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit that Alabama fan."
"That's OK" replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
Click to expand...



:post-4-1090547912: :post-4-1090547912: :lolabove:
 
#33
#33
Q. What do you get when you have 32 Alabamians in the same room?


A. A full set of teeth.
 
#34
#34
Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?


A. Toes Go In First!
 
#35
#35
Q. What's a seven course meal at Alabama?


A. A possum and a six-pack.
 
#36
#36
kcvols1 said:
What's the difference between a maggot and a Bammer fan?

A maggot will only feast on the carcass of a dead Bear for about a week before it gets on with the rest of its life.
Click to expand...
I heard it was: What do a maggot and a Bammer fan have in common? They can both live off of a dead bear for 20 years!!!!
 
#40
#40
bamapic.jpg
 
#41
#41
Two Alabamans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"



An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Say, don't you still have them big red trucks?"



Q: Why do folks in Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

A: 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.



Q. Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco
A. To Tuscaloosa...he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there!



A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store



It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa. The University's response was "Why do we need another phone company?"



Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!



Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!



Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!



Q. What's the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
 
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