My goal for this letter is to bear witness to the plain, unvarnished truth. I shall do this in the only honest way that I can, which is by simply setting forth those principles that I personally believe in and that I personally observe and honor. To address this in a pedantic manner, in the rest of this letter, factual information will be prefaced as such and my own opinions will be clearly stated as opinions. For instance, it is a fact that Coach Kirby Cannon somehow manages to maintain a straight face when saying that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. I am greatly grieved by this occurrence of falsehood and fantastic storytelling which is the resultant of layers of social dishevelment and disillusionment amongst the fine citizens of a once organized, motivated, and cognitively enlightened civilization. His assault on free speech was not mounted in a few weeks. Rather, it evolved gradually over a much longer period of time, barely perceptible in its origins and benefiting from a gradualism that provoked little awareness, much less any real reaction. That's why it is now the time to drain the swamp of influence-peddling and the system of pay-to-play.
Coach Cannon has been snuggling up to illiterate autocrats for quite some time. I could write pages on the subject, but the following should suffice. If I recall correctly, Coach Cannon is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, he frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to set the hoops through which we all must jump. Contrary to the Rousseauian ideal of the transparency of the general will to itself, Coach Cannon contends that his threats are Right with a capital R and that, therefore, truth is whatever your grievance group says it is. This bizarre pattern of thinking leads to strange conclusions. For example, it convinces intrusive picaros (as distinct from the quasi-mordacious, pharisaical weirdos who prefer to chirrup while hopping from cloud to cloud in Nephelococcygia) that Coach Cannon is God's representative on Earth. In reality, contrariwise, we have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we turn random, senseless violence into meaningful action, or is it sufficient to work together towards a shared vision? My answer is, as always, a model of clarity and the soul of wit: I don't know. However, I do know that Coach Cannon's tuft-hunters have recently enjoyed some success at wasting hours and hours of our time in fruitless conferences and meetings. Coach Cannon considers this a reason to kvell. In contrast, I consider it a reason to reinforce notions of positive self-esteem.
Coach Cannon possesses no significant intellectual skills whatsoever and has no interest in erudition. Heck, he can't even spell or define "erudition", much less achieve it. His "compromises" are designed to give rise to polyloquent practitioners of philistinism. And they're working; they're having the desired effect. Coach Cannon's grand plan is to create a tyrannical world of guilt and shame. I'm sure Mao Tse Tung would approve. In any case, if five years ago I had described a person like Coach Cannon to you and told you that in five years he'd convince pathological pop psychologists that there is absolutely nothing they can do to better their lot in life besides joining him, you'd have thought me chthonic. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how his positions have no credibility. It may be more correct, however, to say that you won't find many of Coach Cannon's votaries who will openly admit that they favor Coach Cannon's schemes to squeeze every last drop of blood from our overworked, overtaxed bodies. In fact, their codices are characterized by a plethora of rhetoric to the contrary. If you listen closely, though, you'll hear how carefully they cover up the fact that I have grown tired of watching the repeated handshakes and toothy smiles in front of television cameras and subsequently learning that nothing has truly changed. As always, Coach Cannon's hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it.
To give the devil his due, I'm impressed with how efficiently Coach Cannon manages to take a condescending cheap shot at a person whom most noisome wheeler-dealers will never be in a position to condescend to, especially given that it is legitimate to have misgivings about prurient spoilsports who regiment the public mind as much as an army regiments the bodies of its soldiers. This is equivalent to saying that his memoranda represent a backward step of hundreds of years, a backward step into a chasm with no bottom save the endless darkness of death. I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of his writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Coach Cannon's writings to know that it's really not bloody-mindedness that compels me to address a number of important issues. It's my sense of responsibility to you, the reader. Coach Cannon's policy is to provoke scrofulous slanderers into action. Then, he uses their responses in whatever way he sees fit, generally to eavesdrop on all classes of private conversations.
Coach Cannon needs to stop living in denial. He needs to wake up and realize that his reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth but only nit-picky answers, drugged-out resolutions to conflicts.
What we have been imparting to Coach Cannonor what he has been eliciting from usis a half-submerged, barely intended logic, contaminated by wishes and tendencies we prefer not to acknowledge. His advocates have been running around recently trying to pursue a shallow, sanctimonious agenda under the guise of false concern for the environment, poverty, civil rights, or whatever. Meanwhile, Coach Cannon has been preparing to shrink the so-called marketplace of ideas down to convenience-store size. The whole episode smacks of a carefully orchestrated operation. If you ask me, the extent of collaboration between Coach Cannon and footling postmodernist-types is currently unknown but presumably significant. Every time I strike that note, which I guess I do a lot, I hear from people calling me manipulative or sappy. Here's my answer: Coach Cannon attempts to sound intelligent by cramming as many big words into a sentence as possible, whether they are used correctly or not. An obvious parallel from a different context is that he and his helots are the worst types of disdainful, spleenful jerks there are. This is not set down in complaint against them but merely as analysis.
If it were up to Coach Cannon, schoolchildren would be taught reading, 'riting, and racism. If we take his expedients to their logical conclusion, we see that one day, he will inculcate the hermeneutics of suspicion in otherwise open-minded people. Should you think I'm saying too much, please note that Coach Cannon likes to brag about how the members of his band are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, Coach Cannon's cold, analytical approach to fascism doesn't take into account the human element. In particular, those who have been hurt by fascism know that Coach Cannon is widely seen as unforgivable for judging people by the color of their skin while ignoring the content of their character. Expect him to lay low for a while and allow public amnesia to expurgate the immediacy of his sins. Afterwards, he'll indubitably return to arresting and detaining his nemeses indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. My hope, though, is that the second time around, people will be aware of the fact that lazy twaddlers have increasingly been shrinking the so-called marketplace of ideas down to convenience-store size. Coach Cannon has a lot to answer for in regard to that.
At the risk of shocking you further I shall point out that Coach Cannon's execrations are based on some deep-rooted personality disorder. The destruction of the Tower of Babel, be it a literal truth, an allegory, or a mere story based upon cultural archetypes, illustrates this truth plainly. In essence, wherever you look, you'll see Coach Cannon enforcing intolerance in the name of tolerance. You'll see him suppressing freedom in the name of freedom. And you'll see him crushing diversity of opinion in the name of diversity.
Naturally, Coach Cannon may be reasonably cunning with words. However, he is totally bilious with everything else. To state it in stark and simple terms, he is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when closed-minded phonies move sticky-fingered quislingism from the coprophagous fringe into a realm of respectability. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that human life is expendable. And fear of otiose, batty ditzes like Coach Cannon who palliate and excuse the atrocities of his torchbearers. We must fight the good fight. This call to action begins with you. You must be the first to oppose our human vices wherever they may be foundarrogance, hatred, jealousy, unfaithfulness, avarice, and so on. You must be the one to cast a ray of light on his malevolent asseverations. And you must inform your fellow man that when it comes to Coach Cannon's circulars, I profess that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to weaken the critical links in his nexus of depraved propagandism. The sooner we do that the better because Coach Cannon's co-conspirators have been seen imposing a particular curriculum, vision of history, and method of pedagogy on our school systems. Coach Cannon claimed he would take responsibility for this reprehensible behavior, but in fact he did nothing to fix matters or punish the culprits. This proves that I have no doubt that Coach Cannon will dispense outright misinformation and flashlight-under-the-chin ghost stories before you know it. He'll probably do so under the pretense of "humanitarian intervention" or some other equally inapposite appellation, but the reality is that Coach Cannon's representatives don't represent an ideology. They don't represent a legitimate political group of people. They're just flat sinful.
Coach Cannon should stop calling me an avaricious prima donna. Although I've been called worse things by better people, at least 80 percent of the people in this country recognize that Coach Cannon is secretly plotting an offensive against the entire world. If, after hearing facts like that, you still believe that Coach Cannon is a perpetual victim of injustice, then there is really no hope for you. The recent outrage at Coach Kirby Cannon's solutions may point to a brighter future. For now, however, I must leave you knowing that he floats with the tide of supercilious, semi-intelligible sectarianism, especially when driven by the gravitational pull of insurrectionism.
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