Tennessee vs The Maxims vs Oklahoma

[MWR]

So now, a half-century or so later, I've found a pathway to share my knowledge both here and on a sort of lecture circuit talking about military history. I know it's weird, but it's my idea of a good time.

Well then, let the good times roll.

 

[OneManGang]

Oh Goody!!! The man created an account just to get in contact with you about his information. Sounds like it's gonna be a good one.

Thank you @OneManGang .

Based on our conversation, it might be one of the best. And about a Tennessean to boot! Probably be next year, though.

 

[AllVolinGA]

You are the man when it comes to these post game forays into these lesser traveled paths of our history. As a student of history I understand the grip it can place on your heart and mind. You mentioned getting your library card when you entered first grade. I got mine when I was 6. We were so poor that these biweekly trips to the library were our primary source of entertainment. I am thankful that a full half century later, I still feel the same joy opening a new book. I tell my student that I have two firm beliefs with regards toward success. They are listening and reading are fundamental. They look at me like I'm stupid, but those to core beliefs have helped me greatly over the years. Thanks for taking us on the field trips each week after our beloved Volunteers have battled on the great field of competition, the glorious gridiron.

 

[Renaissance Hillbilly]

Wow. Just when I think you can't write anything fantasticker...

 

[posivol]

always enjoy your posts...thanks for your wonderful insight.

 

[MWR]

I came be here looking to enjoy reading the Tennessee vs The Maxims vs Open Date thread. Alas.

Maybe you could even have used the "Phony War" from the first days of WWII in the post.

But that's ok. I'll stop by next time and enjoy the next'en.

 

[OneManGang]

I came be here looking to enjoy reading the Tennessee vs The Maxims vs Open Date thread. Alas.

Maybe you could even have used the "Phony War" from the first days of WWII in the post.

But that's ok. I'll stop by next time and enjoy the next'en.

Well, since you asked, I did do one a loooongg time ago in a galaxy far, far, away.

Mr. Peabody, set the Wayback Machine to 2004:

Tennessee vs The Maxims vs Open Date

Corey Larkins took the opening kickoff on the goal line. He stutter-stepped to the UT 22 1/2 and fell over like a pole-axed steer.

After a delay-of-game penalty caused by confusion on the sideline and difficulty getting Vol quarterback Rick Clausen to decipher the called play, Vol running back Cedric Houston took the handoff and ran square into Jason Respert's butt. After an incomplete pass to Jonanthan Wade, Clausen fired a nine-yard pass five yards behind Tony Brown. With 4th and 12 from the UT 20, Coach Phillip Fulmer decided the safe play was to punt and so Dustin Colquitt entered the game.

Still hampered by groin and hamstring injuries, Colquitt shanked his punt which went out of bounds at the UT 35.

...Developing.

Next Post:

Update...

After a 17 minute TV timeout, the Open Date Coldbeers offense took the field. Despite being made up entirely of UT managers, student trainers and groundskeepers, Vol Defensive Co-ordinator John Chavis described them as being "deep and talented" and noted that the ground keepers are rumored to have a couple of kegs on ice in the Visitors tunnel.

After consecutive defensive offsides penalties gave OD a first down at the UT 25, the Coldbeers first offensive play caught Tennessee's defensive secondary napping. OD QB Anne-Marie Vachon hit a streaking (well sort of) Lowell Richey on a crossing pattern at the 17. Richey shook off a series of orange-clad tacklers and fell forward to the12. Richey was then carried off by stretcher to the tunnel where an MRI (Michelob Resting in Ice) was administered.

On the ensuing play, OD running back Curtis Heaton took the handoff from Vachon and behind the stout blocking of Myron Roach and Jimmy Andes,roared down to the the UT 4. Vachon then completed a seven-yard toss to a wide-open Robert Ferguson. Coach Chavis noted that UT, "had a bust in the secondary and left that guy open." David Wright's PAT was good.

Score: Open Date 7 UT 0.

Unfortunately, the entire Open Date team then swarmed the tunnel and did not reappear for the kickoff which was awarded to Tennessee on the UT 20. Vol QB Rick Clausen then engineered a 17-play drive that ended in a Wilhoit field goal from the OD 27.

At this point, it was noticed that after finishing off the two kegs in the tunnel, Open Date had left Neyland Stadium and headed for Happy Hour at the Tennessee Grill. Coach Phillip Fulmer told reporters that the absence of the opposing team in no way diminished the fact the Tennessee's offense ,which has struggled of late, "sucked it up and put together a pretty good drive. However, some really silly mistakes kept us from finishing the deal. Nevertheless, I'm proud of the effort our offense showed." Fulmer singled out the performance of Michael Munoz, who, he noted, "... didn't miss on block in that entire drive."

Score at half: OD 7, UT 3.

Early reports from the Tennessee Grill indicate that Open Date may come back for the second half as they've maxed out Mike Hamilton's credit card. Open Date head coach Bill Higdon pronounced, "We've used Hambone's card like a four-dollar hooker!" He then disappeared in the general direction of the bar.

... continuing

LastPost:

What a wild second half, Sports Fans!

As reported earlier, Open Date's starting teams and coaches had decamped en masse to a local purveyor of food and drink. OD Head Coach Bill Higdon was spotted talking animatedly into a cell phone as the reporters finished signing their copies of everyone else's bar tabs and were heading back to Neyland Stadium.

Once back inside it was obvious what that call had been. A new Open Date team was now on the field having apparently been recruited form the ranks of the Vol Cheerleaders, Dance Team, Band and Majorettes. UT Head Coach Phillip Fulmer was seen remonstrating with SEC Director of Officials Bobby Gaston. Gaston heard the coach out then said, "Shut the (blank) up and get back on your sideline."

Gaston later denied that the fat envelope sticking out of his back pocket had anything to do with his decision to allow the game to proceed.

Open Date, after Wilhoit's kick went into the endzone, began their first series of the half on the OD20. Open Date's drive stalled at the OD 45 and Coldbeers' punter Jamie Ugarkovich took the snap and kicked to Jonathan Hefney waiting at the UT 22.

The ball hit Hefney in the helmet as he looked downfield at the onrushing Coldbeers. I must note that the Coldbeers cover squad was drawn mainly from the Dance Team.

Asked about the play in the UT locker room after the game, Hefney said, "Dammit, one o' dem ho's flashed me as she be runnin' down da field. How a man sp’osed be thinkin' about foo'bawl when they be boobies comin' at him?" Hefney, an English major from Rock Hill, SC, attempted to recover the ball but was stiff-armed by Smokey. Featured Twirler Lindsay Cupp scooped up the ball and pranced into the end zone for OD's second score.

Score: Open Date 14 - UT 3.

At this point in play, things got a might strange.

Tennessee SID Bud Ford stormed onto the field at the head of a platoon of the UT Army ROTC Rangers in full combat gear. The Rangers set up a defensive perimeter around the 50 yard line and Ford got on the PA to announce,"This ends NOW!" A tense standoff ensued. Gus Manning was observed passing Bobby Gaston an even bigger envelope whereupon Gaston ran onto the field, stopping play and overruling his previous ruling which overturned a decision on the field. He told the electric clock operator to, "Put 0:00 on the clock and remove all points from both teams."

Tempers flared. Fortunately, the tension was broken by Coach Bill Higdon who staggered out of the South tunnel saying, "Hey, ev’body! I done better than Hambone's card, I done scored one from Big Oil! Drinks are on me!"

The stadium quickly emptied.

The only casualty reported was an ESPN reporter, who mistaken wandered onto the field and was shot on general principle.

I'm OMG and I approved this message, ... maybe, ... well, sort of, ... um, not really.