I really miss baseball. Sitting out on the back porch in the evening listening to the Braves. I like watching the big games on TV, but as far as day-in, day-out goes, I prefer radio. I'm hoping for a half-season this year but it probably wont happen. I remember the '94 season when the players went on strike. That was a bench-mark moment of my child-hood. My kids will never forget the coronavirus year.
Anyway, in light of no sports, I've been seeing all these dumb rankings at sports websites. So I decided to make my own dumb rankings. I ranked NFL team names a couple days ago. And then I decided to do baseball. I don't know if I'll continue with NBA.
Feel free to make fun of my rankings (at your own peril), agree completely (as you should), or ignore them (which would be foolish of course).
Without further ado...
General Rules (amended slightly from NFL rules because the Chiefs don't play baseball):
- I don’t like bird names.
- Animals that aren’t birds are a little better.
- Fierce is good.
- Association with city/region is good.
- The Braves are my favorite team.
- Cultural/Racial names are generally OK with me.
- Originality is good.
- I’m not big on California or Florida.
Rankings:
1 Red Sox - No great reason. Rule 7 is in play. The name just has that certain “It” factor.
2 Yankees - I hate the Yankees. But the term is good for a NY team that plays “America’s Past-time.” If they moved to the South, the name would have to change.
3 Braves - See rules 3 and 5.
4 Mariners - Rules 3 and 5 again.
5 Indians - Rules 3 and 6. I know not all Indians are fierce. But there were some mighty warriors back in the day.
6 Rockies - Rule 4. There is also an “It” factor here.
7 Diamondbacks - Rules 2, 3 and 4.
8 Rangers - Rule 4.
9 Pirates - Rule 3
10 Reds - Rule 7. Something about Ohio teams named after colors brings in Rule 4.
11 Tigers - Rule 2. A Tiger is a good animal to nick-name a team. If it weren't for Auburn, LSU and Mizzou, this might be higher.
12 Cubs - No great reason here. The Cubs are the Cubs. Classic name. Can’t be too far down the list.
13 Dodgers - “It” factor. Also: see explanation of Cubs.
14 Nationals - I think this is a dumb name. But there is always Rule 4 which I respect. I think “Lobbyists” would have been better. Or “Posers.”
15 Giants - So-so. Was better as a NY team name.
16 Brewers - Strong history of beer-brewing in Milwaukee, known as "Brew City." Rule 4.
17 White Sox - Feels like a Red Sox knock-off. I do like the X’s at the end of both teams' names.
18 Mets - So you’re from NY and you are all metropolitan, unlike the rest of us rednecks. Rule 4. But seriously?
19 Royals - What’s royal about KC? Am I missing something?
20 Astros - This is OK. There’s a major Houston connection to astronauts. But when I hear “Astros” I think “Space Cadets.”
21 Padres - Spanish for “Fathers.” This lacks something. Though I am pro-Fatherhood.
22 Angels - Some angels are fierce (Rule 3) but when I think “angel,” I think of little naked cupids.
23 Athletics - I would go by the “A’s” as well.
24 Twins - I’ve never been able to get into this one. Rule 4 is in play - the Twin Cities. Maybe I just can’t get over the ‘91 Series. Damn you Kirby Pucket. You don’t deserve two T’s on the end of your name.
25 Rays - A fish is better than a bird. A Devil-Ray is a cool fish. But they dropped “Devil” and now I think they are focused on sunlight. I don’t worship Helios.
26 Marlins - Regularly referred to as “the Fish.” Need I say more?
27 Phillies - A female horse? A young lively girl? Maybe they get Rule 4 points, but not many.
28 Blue Jays - Bird. Meh.
29 Cardinals - Evil bird. Double Meh.
30 Orioles - The LEAST fierce name in use in modern sports at any level. Behind the Presbyterian “Blue Hose,” the WKU “Hilltoppers,” and even the VaTech “Hokies.”
EDIT:
Per wikipedia:
"
Beer in Milwaukee consists of one
major brewery and dozens of
microbreweries,
[1] and is home to several iconic beer brands from a variety of brewers.
[2] Milwaukee,
Wisconsin has had an association with beer throughout its history, with the brewing industry getting its start prior to its official founding as a city
[3] and was nationally recognized as such by the end of the 19th century.
[4] This heritage can be found explicitly in its
Major League Baseball team, the
Milwaukee Brewers, and on recognizable beer brands such as
Old Milwaukee and
Milwaukee's Best. This recognition of Milwaukee as a brewing hub dates back to the early 20th century,
[5] and boasted the world's largest brewing capacity as late as 1981.
[6] The city is nationally recognized with the nickname "Brew City" due to its nearly two centuries of brewing heritage from multiple past major brewers..."
How does this compare to other cities? I do not know. For example the Cardinals used to play in Busch Stadium and St. Louis is home to that major beer brewing company. However, I do not think they have the same reputation. Adjusted Brewers name from 21 to 16.
H/T: GAVol.