The dynasty is over.
It has been for a while. We haven’t won a real National Championship yet this decade.
Our coach is old. He is very old. He waddles on the sideline like he has a titanium hip.
Our coach is bald. In the Aflac commercials they poof his hair up like he has some. The light from the window shines through it like it’s chiffon. You can literally see his scalp from any angle. The camera man is always on his knees to give the impression our coach isn’t 5′ 6″.
Our coach is angry. If you put a night cap on him, he looks like he’d run across a table and kick Will Ferrell in the chest.
Our coach is short. If you notice, he patrols the sideline and shoots daggers from his eyes at anyone who steps in front of him. He can’t see the field if they do.
No one wants to play for us anymore. We are done.[\quote]