Welcome! You must be new here! Here is the how to on "How to Survive on the VN Recruiting Forum!
Stars:
When they matter:
1. When a player that we have committed has a lot of them.
2. When we are referring to the ranking of the class we currently have.
3. Before that player ever takes a snap.
When they don't matter:
1. Whenever a player that we have committed to has none of them.
2. When they "want it" and are seen overlooking a river with their face buried in their hands, or when they are from the state of Tennessee. The chemicals in the water in the Tennessee river contribute to greatness. Its' our secret.
3. When that lowly rated player turns out to be really good.
4. When a player that we were after commits to another school. Then, if they were a 5*, they're overrated, and we didn't want them anyway. This is always the proper response. We here at Tennessee never actually "lose" recruits. What Butch wants, Butch gets.
Offer Lists:
1. If a kid has a offer list full of big time successful schools, and he chooses us, then he is good.
2. If a kid has a offer list full of big time successful schools, and he doesn't choose us, then he probably wasn't a take for most of those schools anyways, and his offer list was not dependable.
3. If a kid has a offer list that doesn't have a lot of big time successful schools, and he chooses us, then he is a diamond in the rough, and will be a stud, like Emmanuel Moseley.
4. If a kid has a offer list that doesn't have a lot of big time successful schools, and he chooses us, and is a bust, then he was most likely recruited by Derek Dooley.
5. If a kid has a offer list that doesn't have a lot of big time successful schools, and he doesn't choose us, then We also must have passed on him, even though he begged with many tears to play for UT. Gotta save room for all of the 5*'s. We can't take just anyone!
Player Evaluation:
1. If a player has dreadlocks, he is automatically good.
2. If a player is smart, then he is a "cerebral" player, and is therefore the next coming of Peyton Manning.
3. No matter what weight a player comes in, if you add 80 pounds to him, he will be a solid Defensive Tackle. This is applicable for all positions, even Kickers. Palardy was a few cheesecake slices away from 3rd string on the line.
4. All Dual Threat QB's, if they don't work out, turn into great WR's. UT can recruit 6 DT QB's, and end up with 6 WR's.
5. If a player is considered "Fast twitch," that is a great thing. Unless that player has epilepsy.
6. If a quarterback has "pocket presents," it means that he frequently does not check his pockets before washing his pants, therefore, finds presents in his pockets.
7. If a player was a "Valid victorian" of their high school class, you better believe...they will win. Validly.
8. If a player is over 6'2'', he is too tall to play running back, and will never be good.
9. If a kid is a legacy, he's automatically good.
10. If at any time, you cannot remember a recruit's name, here's a hint: It's most likely Jaylen, Jalen, Jaelen, or the occasional Jaden or Jayden.
Visiting UT:
1. UT's number 1 asset is no longer Neyland or its fan base. It is it's Peanut Butter. You should know this. They are all coming for the Peanut Butter.
2. Once a player visits UT, there's a 60% chance they are a 100% Vol Lock.
3. 90% of student-athletes cannot locate Tennessee on a map. Nor can they spell it.
Every year, our class will consist of the following:
4 QB's
3 RB's
-17 WR's. This will equal 60+ WR's on the team. We'll use them all.
-2 TE's
-12 linemen (they will be placed on offense or defense at later dates)
-4 LB's, all of which crap ferociousness.
-3 and a half DB's. 3 big sized ones, and one that is tiny but runs so fast he makes fast people look not fast.
-A random long snapper that nobody will hear his name except for the day he commits.
-A kicker who can kick, punt, and hold his own extra points
-One questionable kid from Tennessee that upon committing will be scrutinized and criticized, and then will eventually have an ESPN 30 for 30 made for him after he wins the Heisman.
How do you post in a recruiting thread?
Most VN recruiting threads, you can expect to follow this pattern:
1. Poster asks question or makes statement expecting serious answers.
2. Someone makes really funny sarcastic remark, gets 47 likes.
3. Six people try to make the same joke, but didn't get it in time, get no likes.
4. Finally, someone answers the question.
5. 12 people blast the people for their serious answer
6. Someone jumps in with a political correct comment
7. Terrypedigo spews an incoherent drunken 152 word run-on sentence that has nothing to do with the question.
8. LebVol makes a statement about numbers
9. Ron Swanson posts a link where he automatically gets 12 likes, because he's the man.
10. ****er makes a drive by shooting of great, possibly positive, but very vague, unrevealing news (****er now replaced by matt40412 or Go Fight Win or Vol74)
11. Good news = Kate Upton gifs and booming (Kate and booming go together frequently) (For UTKnate, he enjoys booming with Elton John gifs. No judgment here. Okay, yeah there is)
12. Catbone and faderoute duke it out for the first place on the "most likely to ruin any good news" list
12. Finally, the whole thread ends up merged into the Torrance Gibson thread, and nobody really answered the original question, but Torrance Gibson is a WR Vol commit who has character issues and yet isn't a take.
13 End thread.
At the end of the thread, common side effects include: Frustration. Blocked posts. Scratching your head wondering "how did that even happen?" And occasionally diarrhea. These are all perfectly normal, and common in VN users.
How many spots can we fill?
It's simple, and there's a easy way to determine how big or small our recruiting class will be!
However many 5* there are threads for + the number of 4*'s interested in UT + the 2* that nobody picked up on = The number of spots that UT will take. Even if that number is 46 on a 85 man roster. Doesn't matter.
If you'd like confrontation on VN, just do the following few things:
Start talking about black uniforms.
Start debating about whether Fulmer should have been fired.
Start debating about whether or not Devrin Young should have been offered.
Argue for the "Woo" in Rocky Top
If you'd like to be hated by all:
- Claim to be an insider when you really can't even spell the recruits name right.
- Repeatedly say "Roll Tide" or make an offensive statement followed by "Later Rednecks," and then not come around again, except to stir crap.
-Create a thread talking about a dream that you had about a certain prospect committing to us (Crunchimusmaximus, I'm lookin at you bud)
-Trademark a group of players with a nickname like "3 Amigos" and predict them all to UT, only to basically get none of them.
- Claim that you talked to the 80 year old lawyer that knows all in Knoxville.
- Bump a thread of a player already committed, or create a thread with JUST a player's name as the thread title. This will cause all of VN to crap themselves, and possibly risk stroke. Lawsuits may follow.
- Commenting in the Recruiting Tweets/HOT Recruiting News thread, making us think something of value has occurred, when in fact, it is just you asking "how do you even read tweeter?"
Booming:
Booming is a great thing. We encourage booming as a way to relieve tension, and to make life much more enjoyable here on VN.
Feel free to boom with the word, or get creative! Gifs are great.
Don't pre-boom. Nobody likes a preboomer.
If you're late to the boom party, that's okay. We appreciate all booms when they come.
When in doubt about what to post, use the following suggestions:
Any gif of Kate Upton is acceptable.
Kermit is acceptable for nearly any and all situations. Excited? Kermit. Freaking out? Kermit.
Any gif involving attractive females is permissible.
How to refer to rivals:
NEVER refer to rivals by their "fake name" (i.e. Alabama, LSU, Georgia), but only by their true name, that is, those given by Volnation.
OSU - Suckeyes
Georgia - UGA
Alabama - Bammer
LSU - LSwho?
Florida - Gators
Gamecocks - Well...that's pretty easy.
Kentucky - Kensucky
Vandy - Candy
And Volnation, this rule above all:
NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WRITE A RECRUIT A LOVE LETTER ON VOLNATION.
This is the greatest site in the world. I greatly enjoy spending my days and nights conversing with the world's greatest fan base.
But guys....dad gum we're hilarious.
Go Big Freaking Orange, and here's to getting back to where our rightful place at the top of College Football!
