I missed that post until you replied.
I'm not a fan of black people using that term, either. But to answer the question, no I don't think it's as bad when black folks use it. And no, that's not hypocritical...that word, more than any other in American history, has a connotation of vitriol and hatred behind it and that evil comes from white people directing it at black people. So yes, there is a difference. White people shouldn't say it. A better question is, why are some white people so upset that they can't say it? Is it really that hard not to use a word that has been harmful to a particular group of people for centuries? How about trying to understand something from the point of view of others? I have said it before and I was wrong. I was racist in the past. I made a decision over a decade ago to never use that word again. But I'm not willing to say I'm 100% not racist now. Complacency allows old tendencies to creep back in. We're all wired to be tribal. But we should work hard to empathize and understand people of other cultures and races. Constantly.
And to your point about words vs. actions...you actually hit on something worthwhile. Racism is far more harmful in its institutions, rather than in words. We have racism embedded in all parts of our culture and, unless we really want to understand it, we won't. But that doesn't mean that using the n-word isn't also racist. Even if Morgan Wallen has black friends (a bizarre, tokenist, and cliche'd argument). Those words (especially THAT word) represent(s) something bigger.
I'm done. If some people want to really think about things from an objective and purposeful point of view, they will. If they want to defend their own existing notions because changing is uncomfortable, they will do that too...and resent those who suggest doing otherwise.