Trust and Spouses

#79
#79
MyBloodRunnethOrange said:
According to the biblical definition that is adultery, and there isn't a married man who isn't guilty.
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This is why I asked the question.

I was wondering how religious and the non-affiliated opinions vary on the subject.

I'm religious and also believe mental desire is basically adultery. But, I also believe man is incapable of not having sexual thoughts towards people that aren't their spouses. I could be wrong there are always exceptions to the rule.
 
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#80
#80
InVOLuntary said:
She knows I have an account at another bank. She doesn't know how much money I have in it. It's an account I have had since before we were married. I suppose she could open up the monthly statement each month but she never has. I guess she has trust that I'm not doing anything excessive or stupid. She honestly doesn't care.
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Makes sense to me. Get married, keep things separate.

Not really, but whatever.
 
#81
#81
allvol123 said:
Makes sense to me. Get married, keep things separate.

Not really, but whatever.
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Lol. Do you know exactly how much cash is in your wife's purse? Does she know exactly how much cash is in your wallet? I think we'll be ok. We have a great relationship and I guess we place more importance on other things rather than worrying if one of us is screwing the other out of a dollar. Sounds like you are the ones with the trust issues. But whatever.
 
#82
#82
InVOLuntary said:
Lol. Do you know exactly how much cash is in your wife's purse? Does she know exactly how much cash is in your wallet? I think we'll be ok. We have a great relationship and I guess we place more importance on other things rather than worrying if one of us is screwing the other out of a dollar. Sounds like you are the ones with the trust issues. But whatever.
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Yes, no issues here. We share accounts, just as we do a house, bed, parenting duties, etc. You go out of your way to keep a stash somewhere. I guess there are things you need to do that you feel you have to keep hidden.
 
#83
#83
allvol123 said:
Yes, no issues here. We share accounts, just as we do a house, bed, parenting duties, etc. You go out of your way to keep a stash somewhere. I guess there are things you need to do that you feel you have to keep hidden.
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Yea, I'm sure you have the perfect marriage. I bet you can't take a shower, get out of bed, eat on your own at lunch without discussing it with your wife. Sounds like a huge pile of insecurity to me. I showed this to my wife and she fell over laughing.

As to kids, i have two. One just graduated from UT with two degrees and a minor in 3-1/2 years, Suma cum lade. I have a 17 yo that will soon enter UT to pursue an engineering degree.

I think my wife and I have done just fine thank you.

Anyway, one thing I learned was to not be judgmental about other people. Maybe you should as well.

Also, nice avoidance of my question too.
 
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#84
#84
n_huffhines said:
I wrestled with talking to my friend all day about it and then called him.

I didn't exactly see anything but she showed up at her apt. with this guy and she was white as a ghost when she saw us and asked "what are you guys doing here?"....it was the one time we spent lunch there, so she thought the coast was clear.

I even texted her after and asked "who was that guy?" and she was texting me back but it was evasive and weird.

So I tell my friend and he calls her and then calls me back and says "it wasn't what it looked like and that's her old phone #". I'm thinking in my head, "then who was texting me back? I guess it could be somebody f-ing with me but it was probably her phone she has on the side for cheating"

I washed my hands of it. They got married 2 months later and then divorced 10 months after that. I am so glad I told him. I'd never forgive myself if I hadn't.
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I was glad I told my friend too....even if he did scare the hell out of me with his reckless behavior. After it was over and we settled down we actually laughed about it as much as we could under the circumstances. I honestly believe that if I had not been in the truck with him he would have rammed into the guy's car and ran him off the road......I also believe he would have beaten him into a coma had I not intervened and pulled him away from the car window. He bloodied him up pretty good and the guy was still in somewhat of a stupor when we all went back to her apartment. He got out of his car and tried to talk **** to me about admitting what I saw when the authorities got there.....I was sitting on the tailgate sweating like hell at 7:15 in the morning and wishing I hadn't partied so hard the night before.....I was not a happy camper at all.... I told him he got what he deserved and that I should have let my buddy kick his ass even worse. He was holding a t-shirt on the side of his head and face to try and stop the bleeding and I believe he almost started crying at that point.
 
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#86
#86
I went to a fortune teller and she said a tall blonde was going to come into my life......next day my wife ran away with a Swede!
Rodney
 
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#87
#87
InVOLuntary said:
Lol. Do you know exactly how much cash is in your wife's purse? Does she know exactly how much cash is in your wallet? I think we'll be ok. We have a great relationship and I guess we place more importance on other things rather than worrying if one of us is screwing the other out of a dollar. Sounds like you are the ones with the trust issues. But whatever.
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I agree. The wife and I have always maintained "my money, your money, and our money" as three separate entities. I think it is a very good way to go. I never worry about how much money she has or what she does with it. Why would I?
 
#88
#88
As to the title of the thread, if you can't trust them, they shouldn't be a spouse.
 
#89
#89
Danl said:
I agree. The wife and I have always maintained "my money, your money, and our money" as three separate entities. I think it is a very good way to go. I never worry about how much money she has or what she does with it. Why would I?
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I think the dude was just blowing it way out of proportion. I feel the same way as you. I have had friends that whose wives didn't work and they felt like it was never their money. They opened their own account and placed money in it from time to time and it made them feel like they had something of their own.
 
#90
#90
n_huffhines said:
Would you be concerned if your wife and her friends spent a good deal of their time *****ing about you or is that just what wives do?
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Depends on what kinds of things and in what manner. If it superficial stuff in jest, I see nothing wrong with such and engage in it frequently. If there it is serious stuff or in malice, then you have a problem.

n_huffhines said:
Do you keep things from your spouse? What kind of things and why?
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Everyone keeps things from their significant other. It simply isn't possible to have 100% transfer of information. The real question is whether one hides pertinent information. However, that requires a delineation of "pertinent information". Off the top of my head, I think a good rule of thumb is anything that would affect your relationship with your significant other, either side of the family, and the general building of a life together (assets, debts, etc).

Having said all that, I don't consciously hold any pertinent information back.

n_huffhines said:
Do you check your spouse's phone, either secretly or with them knowing?
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No. Wouldn't matter if I did. It's mostly scribble scrabble.

n_huffhines said:
Context:
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Life is too short for drama. No need to voluntarily associate yourself with such. It is better to have no friends than "friends" who will be detrimental with their BS.
 
#91
#91
burntorangeVOLffle said:
I think a lot of people ***** about their spouses because that's what society has kinda conditioned us to do. Think about all the TV shows and movies where a running gag is one person trying to avoid their spouse. I think it's just dmgrsined in some people's subconscious.


Two of my closest guy friends ***** about their wives constantly. It's mostly just petty ****. Nothing really scandalous. I always figure it's just them needing to vent and as far as I know it's nothing they don't say to the wives faces. I'm sure their wives ***** about them too LOL.

My wife is type A and I'm type B so we balance each other out pretty well. Sure there are arguments here and there where she has to blow off a little steam. As for checking phones and stuff... I don't really like her looking at my texts with my buddies because she will take some inside joke out of context and get mad at me for something stupid. However I don't really hide anything because my messages show up on my iMac too so she could check it whenever she wants. I make no effort to conceal that. I've only really looked at hers when it pops up on the lock screen. I've never opened her phone to read a whole text thread to see what she was up to and I don't think she has ever done that to me.
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You too, eh? My wife is very type A and I'm very type B.
 
#92
#92
n_huffhines said:
I would say that's between you and your spouse. I've never actually had that conversation, tho.

I am allowed to watch porn so I figure I'm allowed to lust, LOL.
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I'm in the same boat. Judging by the forum, I'd assume that's a small boat.

We actually have had that conversation. We both reject the idea that the opposite sex suddenly becomes unattractive when you engage in an exclusive relationship. Others obviously see it quite differently.
 
#93
#93
PKT_VOL said:
I'm in the same boat. Judging by the forum, I'd assume that's a small boat.

We actually have had that conversation. We both reject the idea that the opposite sex suddenly becomes unattractive when you engage in an exclusive relationship. Others obviously see it quite differently.
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My wife has made it clear, it doesn't matter where I get my appetite as long as I eat dinner at home.
 
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#94
#94
There is no perfect way to do marriage. Different things work for different people. To some couples separate accounts is great, to others a joint is great. Some don't spend too much time together, whiles others are always together. Anyone trying to say this is the only way to make it work is foolish and too bullheaded for conversation.

Things I know that work great for a successful marriage are honesty, having fun together, prioritizing your marriage and lots of sex with your spouse.
 
#95
#95
itsme said:
There is no perfect way to do marriage. Different things work for different people. To some couples separate accounts is great, to others a joint is great. Some don't spend too much time together, whiles others are always together. Anyone trying to say this is the only way to make it work is foolish and too bullheaded for conversation.

Things I know that work great for a successful marriage are honesty, having fun together, prioritizing your marriage and lots of sex with your spouse.
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Wise point of view.
 
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