What are legitimate reasons for divorce?

#1
IPorange

IPorange

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2007
Messages
25,545
Likes
47
#1
I know this is going to get heavily religious, so I put it here. No, I do not intend this as a "trap" thread. I welcome all belief perspectives.

I'm just curious: to you, what are legitimate reasons for divorce? What are not?



Don't worry folks, I'm as single as a loaf of bread's back heel. I just want to have a discussion about this.
 
#3
#3
I think any reasons are legit - it's a contract between two people. Either person should be able to break the contract but they may have to pay "damages" depending on the circumstances.
 
#4
#4
also, if one party develops cankles that were not there at the time of the engagment; that's legit too.
 
#5
#5
volinbham said:
I think any reasons are legit - it's a contract between two people. Either person should be able to break the contract but they may have to pay "damages" depending on the circumstances.
Click to expand...

Legally, certainly. But I mean morally or ethically, to you.
 
#6
#6
King Henry VIII seemed to think sex and child birth were key. Thoughts? If the spouse doesn't put out, is that an acceptable reason? What about infertility?
 
#7
#7
IPorange said:
Legally, certainly. But I mean morally or ethically, to you.
Click to expand...

same answer - bottom line; if you don't want to spend your life with someone (after giving it considerable thought and working on it of course) then I think it's morally and ethically okay to divorce. The damages part are legit to compensate the other party for sacrifices they made to the relationship or to compensate for bad behavior (e.g adultery, abuse, etc.)
 
#9
#9
volinbham said:
same answer - bottom line; if you don't want to spend your life with someone (after giving it considerable thought and working on it of course) then I think it's morally and ethically okay to divorce. The damages part are legit to compensate the other party for sacrifices they made to the relationship or to compensate for bad behavior (e.g adultery, abuse, etc.)
Click to expand...
I agree with this.
 
#10
#10
volinbham said:
same answer - bottom line; if you don't want to spend your life with someone (after giving it considerable thought and working on it of course) then I think it's morally and ethically okay to divorce. The damages part are legit to compensate the other party for sacrifices they made to the relationship or to compensate for bad behavior (e.g adultery, abuse, etc.)
Click to expand...

Interesting. Why marry then, if the contract can be dissolved fairly easily? Why not just live together?
 
#12
#12
IPorange said:
Interesting. Why marry then, if the contract can be dissolved fairly easily? Why not just live together?
Click to expand...

I'm assuming the marriage is entered into on a good faith basis; with the intent for it to last. However, if the love is gone (really gone not just temporarily) I don't see how "why" it's gone matters. To me it's nuts to stick together just to honor some "pledge" when that pledge was merely a symbol of the underlying situation that has since changed.
 
#13
#13
How can one be certain that the love is gone permanently, rather than just temporarily?

Not to sound too naive, but are we certain that we are even talking about "love" if we are speaking of a temporarily emotional situation?
 
#15
#15
IPorange said:
How can one be certain that the love is gone permanently, rather than just temporarily?

Not to sound too naive, but are we certain that we are even talking about "love" if we are speaking of a temporarily emotional situation?
Click to expand...

I don't mean temporary like "last night I thought I loved you, this morning I just want to get the hell out of here"

Can you ever know it's gone for good? No.

I'm divorced and speaking from some experience. I probably didn't get married for the right reasons but did enter into it with good faith - we both did. After a while (5 years) we found ourselves growing apart. An upcoming job move forced us to evaluate the situation. We went to counseling with the intent of working things out and instead realized there wasn't enough there for either of us. We had an amicable split and it was definitely the right thing to do. It wasn't about cheating, abuse, fighting or anything other than the realization on both our parts that there simply wasn't enough there.

I have no regrets or moral/ethical qualms about the decision. In the future, I'll be more careful about the decision to get married but I would certainly like to remarry in the right circumstances.
 
#16
#16
IPorange said:
I know this is going to get heavily religious, so I put it here. No, I do not intend this as a "trap" thread. I welcome all belief perspectives.

I'm just curious: to you, what are legitimate reasons for divorce? What are not?



Don't worry folks, I'm as single as a loaf of bread's back heel. I just want to have a discussion about this.
Click to expand...

The Bible gives two legitimate reasons: fornication and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Both are probably broader than most conservatives generally allow.

Fornication involves a wide range of sexual activities that violate fidelity to the spouse. IMHO, the principle is "any sexual activity that divides a spouses affection for the other" on a continuing, irreconcilable basis. IOW's, I don't think "fornication" is limited to having an affair.

I would not be dogmatic but IMO abandonment could include abuse or alienation of affection if done on a continuing, irreconcilable basis.

Neither of these reasons should be abused or claimed without a clear, unrepentant pattern. If a husband is just looking for a reason, he can't just say, "She flirted with an old boyfriend" then use that as a justification to chase a new woman.
 
#17
#17
When you get up every morning (in different bedrooms) and can't stand the sight of each other, it's time to move on. Life is too short.

The religious views were made irrelevant when the Catholic church started passing out annulments like Halloween candy. (if they weren't already) This, of course, IMO.

Again, if you've done everything you can to make it work and it doesn't, life is too short to be miserable.
 
Last edited:
#18
#18
I agree with most of what volinbham has been saying, but I think the game changes a bit when kids are introduced into the equation for me personally. Unless the marriage is bad to the point where it affects the kids, I'd stay with my wife even if things weren't ideal (cankles). For now, we got no kids and she's looking pretty, pretty, pretty good.

n17804899_34906320_7587.jpg
 
#19
#19
volmanbill said:
When you get up every morning (in different bedrooms) and can't stand the sight of each other, it's time to move on. Life is too short.
Click to expand...
Love is a choice. Thoughts repeated create attitudes. Attitudes adopted determine actions.

The religious views were made irrelevant when the Catholic church started passing out annulments like Halloween candy. (if they weren't already)
Click to expand...

The RCC's unbiblical doctrines and behaviors do not make biblical teachings or orthodox Christian doctrines irrelevant... much less the doctrines of other religions.
 
#20
#20
volmanbill said:
When you get up every morning (in different bedrooms) and can't stand the sight of each other, it's time to move on. Life is too short.

The religious views were made irrelevant when the Catholic church started passing out annulments like Halloween candy. (if they weren't already)
Click to expand...

Is there not biblical direction somewhere?
 
#22
#22
nbakerld said:
I agree with most of what volinbham has been saying, but I think the game changes a bit when kids are introduced into the equation for me personally. Unless the marriage is bad to the point where it affects the kids, I'd stay with my wife even if things weren't ideal (cankles). For now, we got no kids and she's looking pretty, pretty, pretty good.

n17804899_34906320_7587.jpg
Click to expand...

Your kids certainly won't go hungry in their first few years of life.
 
#23
#23
sjt18 said:
Matthew and 1 Corinthians.
Click to expand...

Right, so I don't know if one can say it is so simple as the Catholic Church broke the bank from a Christian perspective.

And King Henry VIII is still waiting on his annulment.
 
New posts
You must log in or register to reply here.

VN Store



Back
Top