I'm going with Freak. Sure his eligibility is up, but with his skills, the NCAA will just have to make an exception.
Here are some of his stats:
Height 6' 2"
Weight 200 lbs
(Perfect size for a quarterback, not too skinny, not too tall)
40 time: 5.4 (Unofficial time when a Miller Lite was placed at the finish line, 4.3 BLAZING SPEED!!!
Vertical Jump: 1" (the beer worked so well, we set a can on top of the measuring tape and he turned in a whopping 2") Let's scrap the vertical jump, hell, Clausen couldn't jump either.
Throwing Ability: Freak lives up to his name and throws an accurate nerf ball from time to time. I mean, hey, his name is Vol Freak.
Intangibles: Freak's mental capacity is unrivaled in armchair quarterback lore. Once a play is completed, he can dissect it and tell you exactly what the quarterback did wrong.
My vote is for Vol Freak!!!!!!!!!!!