Atlanta Braves Thread XI (Gary Sheffield edition)

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#11,006
#11,006
Speaking of Taco Bell, I present (in it's entirety) "The Taco Trilogy via Yelping with Cormac

I

Financial District - San Francisco, CA

Cormac M. | Author | Lost in the chaparral, NM

Two stars.

And so the man defied the villagers and ate the taco. In defiance of the will of those people but also in defiance of some order older than he. Older than tortillas. Than the ancient and twisted cedars. How could we know his mind? We are all of us unknowable. Blind strangers passing on a mountain road.

The man laid there in the village square for three days and nights and took no food and spoke to no visitor. The older villagers said that the man should not have eaten the taco and no sane man would do so and the price of such folly was known to all.

On the fourth day an old lady asked the man was he ill and did he need a doctor. The man told her he was indeed ill but that he wished to see a priest. And she crossed herself and left and in the sweltering afternoon sun a priest came down to the square to see the man.

The priest asked the man why he lay there in the square and if perhaps he could be convinced to leave. The man said he had eaten a thing which he should not have and he could not move because the world was revealed to him in its evil and in its beauty. That if he moved he might fall into the sky and never return. The priest assured him that it was not possible to fall into the sky and that an earthly cure of ginger and peppermint would surely calm his digestion. The man asked could God make a taco so terrible even He could not eat it. The priest considered this and said no this was not possible and to think so was a sin. The man was silent for some time. Then he said that he had eaten such a taco and that it tasted of bootblack and horsefeed. That if this taco was under God’s dominion then surely all other great evils must be as well. And then the man took the halfeaten and greaseblackened taco from his coatpocket and thrust it at the priest like a broken sword. Eat it, he said. Eat it or be damned.

II

Financial District - San Francisco, CA

Cormac M. | Author | Lost in the chaparral, NM

Three stars.

We do not hear from the man who ate the taco until November of that year, when he returned to the town on the back of a mule. The villagers gathered in the square reverently as if before them rode some great emissary. Staring with coalblack eyes at the man in his rags and on a crude cedarwood pike the halfeaten taco moldering. He dismounted and stood before them. And in a quiet voice he began to speak. The villagers overcame their fears and ancient taboos and approached him. To listen and to assure their eyes that he was of flesh and of blood.

The man spoke of his trials with the taco so terrible even God could not eat it. That it had cleansed not only his gut but also his soul. And a veil had been lifted and he could see the truth. And the villagers leaned in crossing themselves and gasping as he told them that God held no dominion over this land anymore and neither did the men from the capital. And in his blaspheme the villagers heard the truth. What began among them as a murmur nearly inaudible rose to a chorus of shouts. For even the elders could not deny the man who ate the taco spoke for them. And in his veins coursed the blood of their people and the downtrodden throughout those ashen hills.

And so. This is how the uprising began. How in the towns of that country under the cobalt vault of the sky impassive and immutable the villagers took to arms under the banner of the halfeaten taco. What was to come was not man’s doing but of some celestial machinery. Who are we to ask why? For once the taco was eaten it could not be uneaten nor could the tragedy looming be diverted or waylaid.

III

Financial District - San Francisco, CA

Cormac M. | Author | Lost in the chaparral, NM

One star.

They left him there in the cell. Delirious. Speaking of crazy things. Wild things. The guards would not touch him. As if his blaspheme would taint all in his presence.

We do not know how many days passed. The villagers assumed that the man had been shot. Many claimed to have seen his corpse. But finally a visitor came. He was a man from the restaurant. The guard introduced him as assistant manager Marty. Marty spoke to the prisoner with friendly words. Of a terrible misunderstanding. Of regret. For the taco. For his experience at the restaurant. That perhaps some reckoning could be made. Some settling of accounts. Perhaps a ten dollar gift certificate.

And the man who ate the taco rose for the first time in days. Unsteady on his ruined leg. What could he say? After what had occurred. The struggle and the lives lost and the villages left smoldering and glowing as if the earth’s integument was torn and hell laid bare.

He told Marty that his parlay was with no man or restaurant chain but with God. That no ten dollar gift certificate could recompense for an abomination that left mankind orphaned and Godless and wandering in a barren and eternal wasteland. That the taco could no more be unmade than time stopped. Than the deserts flooded with water.

Marty said nothing and turned to leave but the man stopped him. He asked Marty what had become of the taco. And the assistant manager said that it had been burned and the ashes spread at night. The man who ate the taco laughed at this. He laughed and would not stop even when the priest came. And they took him to the yard and there he was shot and at last he stopped laughing.

The villagers heard a bell tolling. Even though the church had been burned and the bell melted. And for years they would hear this bell ringing. This clarion call. And it came to be known as the bell of the taco.
 
#11,010
#11,010
I'm usually down with whatever you guys wanna ingest but Taco Bell, especially Taco Bell breakfast? Have you no decency?
 
#11,012
#11,012
Vercingetorix said:
Seems like sausage would be better in a egg and cheese wrap than chopped dry steak.
Click to expand...

The steak wasn't the problem, the lack of salt and flavor were. Plus i had sausage on my waffle taco, maybe i should have gone with bacon. And like the article said, it didn't look love ke the pics on the menu. The eggs weren't fluffy and cheesy looking like the pic.
 
#11,014
#11,014
TBrown said:
I'm usually down with whatever you guys wanna ingest but Taco Bell, especially Taco Bell breakfast? Have you no decency?
Click to expand...

Started to say that I only eat at Taco Bell once or twice a year, but then it occurred to me that's a little like protesting that you only suck **** once a year. The answer is no, I have no decency.
 
#11,022
#11,022
Notorious B.E.N said:
The steak wasn't the problem, the lack of salt and flavor were. Plus i had sausage on my waffle taco, maybe i should have gone with bacon. And like the article said, it didn't look love ke the pics on the menu. The eggs weren't fluffy and cheesy looking like the pic.
Click to expand...

I'm SHOCKED to hear that the food didn't look like the picture. WHAT THE HELL.
 
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